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Reviews
Freddy's Fridays (2023)
Disappointed that no reviewers noticed this was more like a cinematic universe attempt (sad as it may be) than a FNAF ripoff
The ONLY things this movie rips off from FNAF is the cover layout for the movie poster and the name "Freddy." A parody attention grabber, misguided as it was. Or maybe it bought in more viewers than would have watched it otherwise?
Anyway, I'm disappointed in anyone who claims to be a big horror fan and didn't notice that the characters in the cover picture are from Jagged Edge's other films (and/or perhaps adjacent films).
To be completely honest, I think that Croc! Is the only JE movie I've actually watched, but as someone who's been a horror fan for nearly half a century now, I have spent endless hours scrolling through horror titles trying to find a decent one to watch. From that alone I recognized that the cover had characters from their other movies. Humpty Dumpty being the most unique and recognizable to me. I almost feel like he's stalking me because somehow I keep seeing his movies listed everywhere that I see a horror category for streaming.
I think their Easter Bunny Massacre and Amityville Scarecrow characters were adjusted to be more visually cohesive to the group. Need them all to at least sort of look like they belong in the same movie. Now the clown, to me looks like a mash up between 2 of the characters from Killer Klowns from Outer Space, so maybe it's homage, or maybe someone who worked on both wanted to link it, but they didn't have the rights so they are skirting copyright. Or it could be a character from one of the many other JE movies that I have not watched. Not completely sure, but it looks very familiar.
Plot-wise, this is bizarrely more akin to Hellraiser and demon summoning movies. Calling on an otherworldly entity with a menacing 3 person entourage of few words.
I get the impression that they were going for a movie that people would watch and be like: "Hey, is that the character from ____?" "Is this scene supposed to be a parody of that other movie?" "Oh, so are they saying that when a B-movie monster dies, it can become a cenobite?" etc. Etc.
So, points for playing the meta trivia game, but minus points for the references being a little TOO weak and niche and for not bringing much else to the table.
Saw X (2023)
One HUGE glaring plot issue ruins it for me (glad to see Tobin Bell though)
You mean to tell me that a man who has been spending his time digging up dirt on people and arranging and exposing all manner of complicated scenarios, falls for an obvious shady scam for a miracle cure without bothering to dig into these peoples' backgrounds BEFORE handing his money over and putting his life in their hands? I mean, he dug it all up just fine AFTER he fell for it.
It's just not believable at all to me that the Jigsaw that has been through everything that he has from movie 1, would fall for this so easily even if he was just desperate to believe.
Other than that, it's actually a fairly enjoyable Saw movie. Just really really hard to get over the dumbing down of John Kramer like that.
The Yellow Wallpaper (2021)
If you have misophonia do NOT watch this movie!
Just that fair warning. That in all this long and boring madness they make overly liberal use of every annoying sound effect they can get their hands on and if you suffer from a greater degree of misophonia like I do, this movie probably won't be a good time for you. You just may end up joining the lead into her mental decline trying to sit this out. There are a lot of long, drawn out staring shots.
Not to mention the actresses' mumbly droning/croaky voice was indecipherable and I was forced to utilize subtitles if I wanted to understand what she was saying.
This story was MUCH better off in short literary form. Even if I did not suffer from severe miso, I'm pretty sure I would not have a much higher opinion of this movie.
Castle Freak (2020)
I was triiiicked! T_T
To be honest, I sort of tricked myself. I saw Castle Freak in the $5 sale category on VUDU and thought: "Oh, I loved that movie! I haven't seen it in ages!" *click* *click* *buy*
Started watching and I began to think:
"Hmmm...I feel like this movie used to be gritty and dark with more of a bluish tone. I don't remember things being so...bright and red. And didn't the castle used to be a more realistic small old-world looking place?"
That sneaking suspicion kept creeping up till I finally had to admit to myself that this was a damn dirty remake!!!! NOOOOOOO!!!!!
.....so yeah, full disclosure, that sequence of events did taint my rating just a tad.
I used to see the original late at night back when cable TV was the big thing. The last time I saw it was maybe 15 years ago when I rented it on VHS from Blockbuster for the nostalgia trip. Good stuff! Guess it must have developed enough of a cult following to justify chancing a remake. Something I never anticipated, thus why I never imagined I could possibly have been buying something other than the original! I've never heard a single other person talk about this movie, original OR remake!
Anyway... as for this movie itself:
It fails to generate the weight and campy, yet somehow genuine setting and atmosphere that made the original so appealing. The castle was too modern and clean and the people don't feel like your average normal group of friends.
The effects and makeup range from cringey to just plain bad except for a single decent CGI scene. As with many of these low profile movies, there are no good actors. A really terrible "blind" act D: Ergh, just awful! Couldn't really find any fun in this.
It only gets 3 stars for...effort I guess? Mostly in set design. The castle was pretty. Problem was that it wasn't SUPPOSED to be pretty. I've seen worse movies, so I guess it belongs around here.
Chucky: Death by Misadventure (2021)
TOO geared to the youngsters...
From the very beginning the music really put me off. It didn't fit the mood or the situation and I felt like it was detrimental to the scene. I think they just stuck it in to rev up the kids and get them excited. Cannot stand any of the music and hope they only coughed up the royalties for the first episode. The all too common hoarse/whispery singer and same old same old annoying, generic, tired, easy-make beats that comprise 90% of commercial music these days. Plus the music sound level was mixed in way too high. I had to keep actively resisting my change-channel reflex because of it.
I realize this is a show, so they are dragging things out to last, but the slow progression is decidedly not Chucky-like. He's usually ready to roll right from the start. It's not like him to be so patient.
The return of Brad Dourif and the fact that they ditched the horrible 2019 storyline are the best things about this. Happy to see in the coming preview that Jennifer Tilly will be back so I still have some hopes that this will pick up.
Characters/actors range from bland to intolerable with the typical levels of questionable intelligence you see in characters of the genre. But that's not a bad thing and is often done on purpose since it makes you look forward to the kills and they are more rewarding that way. It definitely got me feeling the "bring on the slaughter!" vibe.
I'm sure this is far more appealing to younger people, but as a gen X'er who's seen literally hundreds of horror movies and series from around the world, I can say that by comparison this is a sub-par start, but also not the worst thing in the world.
Ojing-eo geim (2021)
Good, but not one of the best death game stories. How'd it get so popular?
I've loved death game stories ever since I started reading the Gantz manga back in the early 2000's. Or maybe I watched Battle Royale before that... not sure.
I'm something of a gore hound, and enjoy the mixing and intersecting of various character arcs in these extreme situations. Seeing many hit both their bests and their worsts in a short period of time. Some have redemption arcs, some fall from grace and end in shame. It's almost always a fun rollercoaster of emotions.
Personally I'd rank this somewhere around the middle of the list for this particular niche genre. I don't quite understand how this one in particular became so popular. I guess that a lot of young people think this is a new concept.
As with most visual media I've seen come out of Korea, this has superb cinematography but imo, it falls short a bit in the writing and acting. I vastly prefer the similar Japanese incarnations that stretch all the way to the unflinching, insane (sometimes hoaky) extremes that really embed them in your memory.
I didn't like most of the cast and only found 2 characters somewhat likeable, with the rest ranging from vaguely annoying to insufferably annoying. I didn't really find any of them actually relatable.
Plus, who's idea was it to cover the face of the most famous (imo hottest) actor they have almost the whole time?! Won't spoil it by saying who.
Off the top of my head, I would rank these above Squid Game: Battle Royale I and II, Gantz (manga and movies are good, the anime suuuucks because they made it too early before the first arc was finished in the manga), As the Gods Will, Alice in Borderland, King's Game (anime, haven't seen the movie)