I want my 2 hours back!
These are absolutely horrendous movies that I sat through, either against my will or hoping for something better. These titles should be avoided. In most cases, I would have rather spent an equal amount of time in a sensory deprivation tank. The blank screen before the previews started was the highlight of the movie-going experience in the case of these movies. This list, unfortunately, will continue to grow.
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24 titles
- DirectorDavid LynchStarsKyle MacLachlanVirginia MadsenFrancesca AnnisA Duke's son leads desert warriors against the galactic emperor and his father's evil nemesis to free their desert world from the emperor's rule.
- DirectorDaniel MyrickEduardo SánchezStarsHeather DonahueMichael C. WilliamsJoshua LeonardThree film students vanish after traveling into a Maryland forest to film a documentary on the local Blair Witch legend, leaving only their footage behind.
- DirectorAlfonso CuarónStarsJulianne MooreClive OwenChiwetel EjioforIn 2027, in a chaotic world in which women have somehow become infertile, a former activist agrees to help transport a miraculously pregnant woman to a sanctuary at sea.
- DirectorPaul Thomas AndersonStarsTom CruiseJason RobardsJulianne MooreAn epic mosaic of interrelated characters in search of love, forgiveness and meaning in the San Fernando Valley.I loved the story in the introduction, but hated the rest of the movie.
- DirectorBart FreundlichStarsDavid DuchovnyJulianne MooreBilly CrudupAfter much drama, cheating, and trial separations, two men fight to save their respective relationships.
- DirectorSteven SoderberghStarsJulia RobertsDavid Hyde PierceDavid DuchovnyA day in the life of a group of men and women in Hollywood, in the hours leading up to a friend's birthday party.
- DirectorTerrence MalickStarsBrad PittSean PennJessica ChastainThe story of a family in Waco, Texas in 1956. The eldest son witnesses the loss of innocence and struggles with his parents' conflicting teachings.OK, I got this from Netflix and didn't watch the entire movie, but I did invest 30 minutes, so I feel it qualifies for this list. After a half hour, I fast-forwarded to see if it got any better. It didn't.
- DirectorStanley KubrickStarsMalcolm McDowellPatrick MageeMichael BatesAlex DeLarge and his droogs barbarize in a decaying near-future.Considered a classic by most critics, I found it to be artsy-fartsy crap. Bizarre imagery, unlikeable characters.
- DirectorE. Elias MerhigeStarsJohn MalkovichWillem DafoeUdo KierThe filming of Nosferatu (1922) is hampered by the fact that its star Max Schreck is taking the role of a vampire far more seriously than seems humanly possible.Boring, two-dimensional characters, and a bizzare fictionalization of actual people.
- DirectorDouglas TrumbullStarsBruce DernCliff PottsRon RifkinIn a future where all flora are extinct on Earth, an astronaut is given orders to destroy the last of Earth's plant samples, kept in a greenhouse aboard a spacecraft.
- DirectorDennis LeeStarsRyan ReynoldsWillem DafoeEmily WatsonThe Taylor family is devastated by an accident that takes place on the day their matriarch is due to graduate from college -- decades after leaving to raise her children.
- DirectorAdam RappStarsEd HarrisZooey DeschanelWill FerrellAn editor offers actress/bartender Reese $100,000 for her late mom's letters from her novelist dad. She heads home from NYC to get them and finds her dad living in the garage while two strangers live in the house.
- DirectorDouglas McGrathStarsSarah Jessica ParkerPierce BrosnanKelsey GrammerA comedy centered on the life of Kate Reddy, a finance executive who is the breadwinner for her husband and two kids.
- DirectorBaz LuhrmannStarsLeonardo DiCaprioCarey MulliganJoel EdgertonA writer and wall street trader, Nick Carraway, finds himself drawn to the past and lifestyle of his mysterious millionaire neighbor, Jay Gatsby, amid the riotous parties of the Jazz Age.
- DirectorRichard LinklaterStarsEthan HawkeJulie DelpySeamus Davey-FitzpatrickWe meet Jesse and Celine nine years on in Greece. Almost two decades have passed since their first meeting on that train bound for Vienna.
- DirectorMark RydellStarsJames CaanElliott GouldMichael CaineIn 1892, two vaudevillians and petty con artists get involved, together with the most notorious bank robber, in a New York City bank heist.I only made it about a half-hour into this one. Reminded me of what many 1970s movies were like.
- DirectorRidley ScottStarsNoomi RapaceLogan Marshall-GreenMichael FassbenderFollowing clues to the origin of mankind, a team finds a structure on a distant moon, but they soon realize they are not alone.
- DirectorCraig JohnsonStarsKristen WiigBill HaderLuke WilsonHaving both coincidentally cheated death on the same day, estranged twins reunite with the possibility of mending their relationship.
- DirectorJohn WellsStarsMeryl StreepDermot MulroneyJulia RobertsA look at the lives of the strong-willed women of the Weston family, whose paths have diverged until a family crisis brings them back to the Oklahoma house they grew up in, and to the dysfunctional woman who raised them.Okay, I didn't sit through the whole two hours on this one. But 30 minutes in I hated every character except for the father, and I guess he died early on. I'm not sitting through another pretentious, self-important film that purports to be "art that I don't understand." I would have been happier if it was titled August: Osage County: After the Meteor Wiped Out the Annoying People. This is another movie that reminded me of how uncomfortable my chair is.
- DirectorHector BabencoStarsWilliam HurtRaul JuliaSonia BragaA gay man and a political prisoner are together in a prison. The gay man narrates the stories of two fake movies and his own life.
- DirectorDaniel EspinosaStarsJake GyllenhaalRebecca FergusonRyan ReynoldsA team of scientists aboard the International Space Station discover a rapidly evolving life form that caused extinction on Mars and now threatens all life on Earth.
- DirectorDamien ChazelleStarsBrad PittMargot RobbieJean SmartA tale of outsized ambition and outrageous excess, it traces the rise and fall of multiple characters during an era of unbridled decadence and depravity in early Hollywood.Disgusting and unwatchable! Turned off five minutes in. Graphically showed elephant defecating on men in opening scene. Second scene was woman urinating on man. Why?
- DirectorRoger CormanStarsJonathan HazeJackie JosephMel WellesA clumsy young man working at an impoverished flower shop discovers that the strange plant he has been nurturing has an insatiable appetite for blood, forcing him to kill to feed it.
- DirectorOtto PremingerStarsJackie GleasonCarol ChanningFrankie AvalonInfamous psychedelic all-star comedy about ex-gangster Tony Banks, who's called out of retirement by mob kingpin God to carry out a hit on fellow mobster "Blue Chips" Packard. When Banks demurs, God kidnaps his daughter Darlene on his luxury yacht.