overrated
the ppl who recommended me these musta watched a different movie i guess lol
(movies are in no particular order)
(movies are in no particular order)
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- DirectorMasayuki OchiaiStarsMichiko HadaMari HoshinoTae KimuraINFECTION takes place in a dark, isolated hospital, where a doctor's mistake has led to dire consequences for a patient.Felt promising but ended up going the route of "it was all a dream". Much less effective than it appeared it might be. Has a great poster though lol
- DirectorMichael GoiStarsAmber PerkinsRachel QuinnDean WaiteTwo teenage girls encounter an Internet child predator.When the writing gets better, the direction gets worse, and vice versa. Its interpersonal writing was mediocre at best, felt like it was *leading up to* more substance than it did.
- DirectorDarren AronofskyStarsJennifer LawrenceJavier BardemEd HarrisA couple's relationship is tested when uninvited guests arrive at their home, disrupting their tranquil existence.Gratuitous from beginning to end. Doesn't do its mythology particularly well, and dream logic movies are rarely worthwhile. It was told to me that this would be a moving experience, meanwhile it really just made me angry. Apparently the script took 5 days to write, while Aronofsky was in a very bad place. It shows.
Further reading of reviews shows that this is supposed to be a "grueling experience". I suppose that laying in a white room for two hours or so is also a grueling experience, but the white room is not called a masterpiece, now is it? This film has not been expertly constructed to achieve this goal. There are nice filmmaking *components* to it, yes. Like the special effects, and a few of the characters' delivery. That's it. And the script and the concept are balsa wood. It's two hours of special and practical effects, not shot particularly creatively, not presented particularly interestingly, not engaging the movie's own narrative particularly directly. I was going to call it "as sophisticated as an orgasm", and then i remembered that it's already a rather well established expression to say that a creative was "sucking his own dick". - DirectorTamra DavisStarsAdam SandlerDarren McGavinBridgette Wilson-SamprasIn order to inherit his fed-up father Brian's hotel empire, immature and lazy Billy Madison must repeat grades one through twelve all over again. The further Billy progresses, the harder his hated rival Eric Gordon tries to stop him.I only watched this one because one of my high school teachers wanted to put on a movie that day. I really don't know what to say. Obviously it's easy to shit on Adam Sandler, but this list is for my experiences, and i was told that this was one of his "best movies", during his "good period". I appear to have been misled. The movie has been picked apart to shit on the internet, no doubt, so there is no point in me doing it myself here, but jesus man. If i had been told this was the *low* point of his career, i would have believed it.
- DirectorLars von TrierStarsBjörkCatherine DeneuveDavid MorseAn Eastern European US immigrant with a love for musicals has to cope with the gradual loss of her vision.Ran like shit, looked like shit, felt like shit. Minimal editing can work well; minimal shooting techniques can work well; subdued acting can work well; loose scripts can be fine. These things were all done badly here, and combined poorly. I literally thought we were watching a flashback/montage sequence for the first 20 minutes of the film. It was like it was literally not edited at all. And like i said, some of these things *can work*. It's just that here, they did not, and it was almost flagrant. They had Björk in the lead role and she didn't even write the music! What a fucking joke! She gave the only good vocal performances in the entire thing too, but her *acting* was astoundingly poor. I literally cannot think of a single reason why she would have been kept. The only memorable performance to me was the jailkeeper person from the ending. That was when Björk's performance got better too, because it seems like she was able to act pain, but not anything more subdued. Understandable; it just means she shouldn't have been cast. This movie had nothing new to say, even for its time, and the various plot elements did not combine interestingly. And it was clearly trying to be tightly scripted, but it was basically just listing off items to be used later, and then using them later. The amount of accolades von Trier has is shocking. The fact that he's a Nazi and a predator doesn't make me any more prone to liking him either.
- DirectorJohn WatersStarsDivineDavid LocharyMary Vivian PearceA spoiled schoolgirl runs away from home, gets pregnant while hitch-hiking, and ends up as a fashion model for a pair of beauticians who like to photograph women committing crimes.Was neither as gratuitous nor as humorous as it was presented. Then again the friend(s) who showed me this and Pink Flamingos are No Longer In My Life, but yeah.
- DirectorYorgos LanthimosStarsBarry G. BernsonHerb CaillouetBill CampSteven, a charismatic surgeon, is forced to make an unthinkable sacrifice after his life starts to fall apart, when the behavior of a teenage boy he has taken under his wing turns sinister.Not sure what the hell this style is trying to accomplish but it sure didn't strike me as deeply as it apparently did others.
- DirectorYorgos LanthimosStarsColin FarrellRachel WeiszJessica BardenIn a dystopian near future, according to the laws of The City, single people are taken to The Hotel, where they are obliged to find a romantic partner in 45 days or they're transformed into beasts and sent off into The Woods.Same for this one. In The Lobster, the style is evidently used as part of the support for the social commentary. Does knowing that change my opinion? No. The social commentary was laid bare as soon as the movie started. I'm not sure if that's just a me thing, but what i'm saying is that it was not lost on me.
- DirectorJohn HughesStarsSteve MartinJohn CandyLaila RobinsA Chicago advertising man must struggle to travel home from New York for Thanksgiving, with a lovable oaf of a shower-curtain-ring salesman as his only companion.Apparently my mom's favorite movie ever. Does not feel like a family movie, and tried to tie itself up into one at the very end. The soundtrack and general soundscape of the movie is unabatingly awful, which is kinda important considering that's one whole half of the experience. It's not nails on a chalkboard, it's more like "neighbors have the TV turned up too loud and are laughing at Family Guy". It's got a "crusty old man who hates himself and his family" sense of humor, and we're the family he's telling his jokes to. But at least this movie is resoundingly a thanksgiving movie; it feels exactly like thanksgiving with the family: uncomfortable, overlong, and degrading.
- DirectorCharles LaughtonStarsRobert MitchumShelley WintersLillian GishA self-proclaimed preacher marries a gullible widow whose young children are reluctant to tell him where their real dad hid the $10,000 he'd stolen in a robbery.Dramatic at points, very capturing, but the plot diffused. It set itself up for momentum that it never quite played out. This wouldn't go on this list if it didn't have such insane marks. If this is the "second greatest movie of all time" (Cahiers du cinéma, 2008), then i'd hate to see the third.
- DirectorSatoshi KonStarsMegumi HayashibaraTôru EmoriKatsunosuke HoriWhen a machine that allows therapists to enter their patients' dreams is stolen, all hell breaks loose. Only a young female therapist, Paprika, can stop it.So incomprehensible that while reading the wikipedia article i actually had to pay particular attention to the reviews section to figure out WHY the reviews were good. Animation was masterful. The script was alright. The concept though, the story as it was written, aside from the script, was absolutely horrendous to watch try to writhe itself into existence. It was embarrassing. It opened several storylines and left them open. It did not connect any of them. It ATTEMPTED to connect all of them together but in ways that literally cease to exist when you think about them. Its view on the nature of reality is bunk. Its view on everything is bunk. If it's supposed to be nothing except a surrealist piece, then it has failed at that as well.
I was recommended this movie by a friend i have mentioned before, who did not know who he was, did not know how reality worked, and was generally insufferable to be around. I think he liked movies like this because they were cathartic to him; he suffered regular episodes of psychosis exacerbated by drug use. Poor schmuck. I would feel sorry for him if he wasn't, in his clearest moments, a deeply shitty and unenviable person.
Apparently critics reviewed this fucking thing positively because it accomplished what it set out to accomplish, to be a dream. Fucking did it though? It did not set itself up to HAVE a goal i could notice. - DirectorDenis VilleneuveStarsAmy AdamsJeremy RennerForest WhitakerA linguist works with the military to communicate with alien lifeforms after twelve mysterious spacecraft appear around the world.Pretty good, accurately portrays how linguists are. I'm putting it on here exclusively because it's Sapir-Whorfian and that always makes me feel really gross lol
- DirectorTodd FieldStarsCate BlanchettNoémie MerlantNina HossSet in the international world of Western classical music, the film centers on Lydia Tár, widely considered one of the greatest living composer-conductors and the very first female director of a major German orchestra."personally i think that it had an interesting central character. interesting were it not for the fact that the same character has been written ten million times before. the movie is built upon little details that are nice to look back on, padded by pure schlock. it is constructed, and its scenes contextualized, in such an ambiguous and deadpan way, that it seems it would legitimately benefit from the addition of silent film esque title cards. lydia tar is a self centered bitch of a woman. the only problem is that this movie is exactly fucking like her. mysterious at all costs. it is a julian slowik movie.
but i never have any fucking idea what to think about movies like this, because they always get such unbelievably good reviews. what exactly is it that so many film critics see in this dry, bland, your aunt gretchen's thanksgiving turkey of a motion picture presentation?
not to mention every other one of aunt gretchen's thanksgiving turkeys that she cooks for every thanksgiving, that the Tyler Ledford-s of the world then choke down so they can analyze the precise balance of spices she ground onto it before shoving it in her same 1930 era oven she inherited from her grandmother who had no teeth that she's been using since time immemorial.
Honestly, i don't know how to describe it other than a julian slowik movie. It is a breadless bread plate. It is most or all of the ingredients for a good film, dumped by themselves onto a barren plate, and their lack of composition waved in front of your face like Johann Sebastian Bach's Franco-German cock."
The above is a series of messages i sent to some friends after forcing myself to choke down all two and a half hours of this fucking film. I even watched the opening credits all the way through just for the fuck of it. I initially heard about this movie from, of all places, a karsten runquist video, the one where he stays in a movie theater for 12 hours. He simultaneously describes it as one of his favorites of 2022, and also a pretentious, miserable slog to sit through. So fucking self flagellating, especially for a man who on occasion praises movies for being "just so fun".