- So I'm not into martial arts anymore, a long time ago I put on weight and bought a gun.
- There are kids that still think rabbits lay chocolate eggs, which could lead to really bad eating habits in the woods.
- On George Carlin's death: His outrage and sadness at our failings he turned brilliantly into laughter, so that we might learn in a gentle way.
- Our reality has become surreal and satirical. We are living in an enormous Monty Python sketch. Comedy purges fear.
- I'm trying to touch things that bother people. You know, a pearl is created only after something irritates the oyster.
- I make people laugh at things they fear, and they laugh very, very hard.
- George Carlin was a master comedian, he got very rich and famous. I'm a master comedian, I didn't get rich and famous.
- There are three things that root you in the moment, as an adult: great sex, gunfire, and laughter.
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