I love horror movies. I also love bad horror movies. I love jump scares, gore, mind games, torture porn, naked chicks and people getting there comeuppances. I love campy dialogue, lame puns, clever innuendos and over-the-top revenge monologues. One thing I cannot abide, however, is bad writing.
The Scarehouse has a terrible script with glaringly atrocious dialogue that forces the poor actors into flip-flopping over which emotion they're supposed to emote harder than Hillary flip-flops on her policy stances (ay-o! #feelthebern). The fact that this movie was written, directed AND even EDITED by the same person probably explains a lot of the problems this movie encountered.
There is nothing redeeming about this movie. The entire time you're left asking yourself, "Why is this happening? Why is she scared now - she is killing them! We're crying now? Oh, no, we're scared again. Wait, nope, back to emotionless psychopath mode. Oh, never mind... Who's that? Nevermind, she's dead now..."
There's no reason to care for a single character that flails about on screen, and the characters your ultimately supposed to side with are probably the least likable. Still, your disdain for these two doesn't diminish your level of apathy for any of their victims (not a spoiler, the killers are revealed almost as an introduction to the film).
The choices some of these characters makes. There's no suspense in being forced to hold a running hair dryer over your head while soaking in a bathtub if you can just, I don't know, rest your elbows on the sides? Or even hang your arms outside the tub??? Also, in a 5 foot room why do you need to step closer to someone your pointing a gun at just to be precariously lined up with said bathtub? But never mind, because she isn't pushed in the tub and electrocuted, no no - she's just tackled to the ground (whereafter she just gets up and kicks the crap out of the attacker just like she had in every other scene she was in up until that point). Don't get me started on the TV death scene. Just don't. I need to stop before I think anymore about the pillow-fight scene (not even campy, just... stop).
But the gore... honestly... it was so bad. Basically the camera just cuts away when something gory would have happened, then cuts back after reaction takes to a glimpse of the results (the eyelash scene was especially weak).
I've already wasted too much of my life on this movie. I don't need to waste anymore of it on this review.
Don't waste your time with this movie. Don't believe the positive reviews. I wouldn't even watch it again to critique it for money.
I hope another movie like this is never made again.
The Scarehouse has a terrible script with glaringly atrocious dialogue that forces the poor actors into flip-flopping over which emotion they're supposed to emote harder than Hillary flip-flops on her policy stances (ay-o! #feelthebern). The fact that this movie was written, directed AND even EDITED by the same person probably explains a lot of the problems this movie encountered.
There is nothing redeeming about this movie. The entire time you're left asking yourself, "Why is this happening? Why is she scared now - she is killing them! We're crying now? Oh, no, we're scared again. Wait, nope, back to emotionless psychopath mode. Oh, never mind... Who's that? Nevermind, she's dead now..."
There's no reason to care for a single character that flails about on screen, and the characters your ultimately supposed to side with are probably the least likable. Still, your disdain for these two doesn't diminish your level of apathy for any of their victims (not a spoiler, the killers are revealed almost as an introduction to the film).
The choices some of these characters makes. There's no suspense in being forced to hold a running hair dryer over your head while soaking in a bathtub if you can just, I don't know, rest your elbows on the sides? Or even hang your arms outside the tub??? Also, in a 5 foot room why do you need to step closer to someone your pointing a gun at just to be precariously lined up with said bathtub? But never mind, because she isn't pushed in the tub and electrocuted, no no - she's just tackled to the ground (whereafter she just gets up and kicks the crap out of the attacker just like she had in every other scene she was in up until that point). Don't get me started on the TV death scene. Just don't. I need to stop before I think anymore about the pillow-fight scene (not even campy, just... stop).
But the gore... honestly... it was so bad. Basically the camera just cuts away when something gory would have happened, then cuts back after reaction takes to a glimpse of the results (the eyelash scene was especially weak).
I've already wasted too much of my life on this movie. I don't need to waste anymore of it on this review.
Don't waste your time with this movie. Don't believe the positive reviews. I wouldn't even watch it again to critique it for money.
I hope another movie like this is never made again.
