Review of Curse of Bigfoot

"Curse of the Bigfoot: Or So You Want to Reconsider Becoming an Archaeologist" The Rifftrax comedians put it very succinctly: "This movie has more padding than a middle school locker room." The soundtrack has a very heavy responsibility, trying to create cinematic tension out of scenes of mind-numbing tedium; namely extended footage of people walking at a snail's pace, flatbed vehicles meandering through the countryside slower than a one-legged man hopping backwards, and people failing to make climbing rocks at a shallow incline look like a Herculean task. The only time anybody gets mauled in what is supposedly a horror movie, it all happens off-screen. This movie is punctuated by scenes of a teacher desperately trying to make cryptozoology sound fascinating to an uninterested high school class, and a guest speaker trying to pad his monotonous speech by using so many theatrical dramatic pauses, it would make William Shatner and Christopher Walken fall asleep. Also, it seems all B-rated monster movies portray experienced scientists as grizzled war veterans who snap at naive people like they have PTSD from their years gazing through microscopes and staring at mummies. Do all archaeologists carbon date the age of artifacts by simply looking at them, or just this dude? And the wooden acting? Rifftrax told it better here, too: "Sounds like a bunch of people being forced to act while their families are being held hostage." Oh, and there's an extended documentary of the logging industry for some barely-related reason. And was buying bottled soda back in the '50s seriously THAT complicated?