Review of Hide and Seek

Star Trek: Picard: Hide and Seek (2022)
Season 2, Episode 9
2/10
Tension-free nonsense
29 April 2022
Warning: Spoilers
Remember the "wtf" moment last episode when the Borg Queen assimilated a group of mercenaries? Here, this makes actually no difference. They are bad at shooting people and generally show absolutely no signs of being enhanced in any way. What was the point? So there's a cliffhanger and it SEEMS that something is happening? The one guy at the end points his laser between Picard's eyes but just doesn't shoot for some reason until Rios beams in. Was that supposed to be an intense scene? Well, it wasn't.

Tension is also an issue overall in this episode. Picard and Talinn (not Laris) stop to talk about things that happened 90 years or so ago while the future is at stake and the house is overrun with armed hostile soldiers. "Oh, I remember, when I was a child I would talk to my mother in the catacombs and she said..." - really?

The same goes for Raffi and Seven. Raffi wants to talk about Sevens past and that she'd make a great Starfleet captain WHILE BEING CHASED by Borg mercenaries and the Queen is about to CAPTURE A SPACESHIP and also THE WHOLE TIMELINE is at stake. It's just infuriatingly frustrating to watch.

Raffi - this overemotional cow should never be let loose on a group of Starfleet Academy graduates!!

The Borg Queen is seemingly killing Seven but what can Raffi do? Maybe saying to her "Please don't!" and "No, you're killing her!" while still unable to get up (?) because of a gut punch one minute ago.

And the frustration doesn't end here. Even the CGI looks rushed and cheap with half-finished effects (people in the walls), plugin muzzle flashes and obvious green screen shots (Soong, Mercenaries)?

Remember Voyager? This show gets even mentioned in this episode. Remember when the Holo Doc could move around the ship because he received a mobile emitter from the 29th century? And remember the ship on this show having holographic emitters all over? So why would holographic Elnor need such a mobile emitter? And where does it come from? And while I'm at it, how did a whole personality and physical scan of Elnor end up in Confederate La Sirena's database? How did the computer know that Elnor is stupid enough to approach enemies with ranged weapons with a sword? And smilies when he discovers it? Why is a Katana sword stored in La Sirena's weapons locker?

Honestly, I can't even get mad anymore about this stuff. It's a constant flow of bad references, wrong details and writing/editing shortcuts.

I'm so done with this, the rest just becomes a check list of bad:

  • Shuffling people around (Theresa/son/Rios) to give them something to do and kill time, Check.


  • Tension-free scene of half-Borg mercenary failing to shoot Picard while aiming directly between his eyes. Check.


  • Rios knows exactly where to beam (between Picard and the mercenary) Check.


  • Seven, gravely injured in one scene, squirming on the floor in pain, just has a bit of blood on her shirt in the next one and seems to be fine. Check.


  • female couple kicking toxic male butt (strangely no women mercenaries visible anymore) Check.


  • Elnor finally getting to kill people again. Check.


  • Going to warp inside the Earth's atmosphere. Check.


  • Raffi and Seven running across two football fields worth of open field with entrenched Borg enhanced soldiers shooting at them and they have nothing but a knife to defend themselves - but are fine. Check.


  • The Borg change their whole philosophy because our genius Jurati who murdered her boyfriend because of an apocalypse movie reel and sleeps on a moth-eaten sofa, then forgets to unplug the Borg Queen from the ship. Check


  • Giving not-Laris a comically oversized gun then she holds it like a person who never shot it. Check.


  • Warning your enemy that the weapon he is about to shoot you with is going to explode. And so letting him escape to do more harm. Check.


  • Having characters state what is happening because the audience doesn't retain information (and we need at least SOME dialogue, right?). Check.


  • Borg assault team equipped with green lasers to easily give away their positions at night. Check.


  • Elnor running away from gunfire yet he can't be hurt by bullets because he's a hologram. Check.


  • Starfleet refused to accept Seven of Nine just because she was Borg. So Starfleet is prejudiced again. And I guess the years on Voyager serving with distinction didn't matter. Check.


  • Picard has lived in his family's chateau for at least 13 years+ but suddenly, he remembers rooms and situations from his childhood. Check.


  • Doctor lady from the 21st century is using ROMULAN future tech to diagnose/cure Rios. Check.


  • "They're not people anymore. They're Borg." coming from a former Borg who got rescued. Check.


How can you write so many stupid things in one episode. And I bet I didn't even catch them all!

And I bet all of this doesn't impact the timeline at all, right?

I mean, the idea of coorporation with the Borg is intruiging, but it gets drowned by "a new Borg collective based on salvation". All this makes the Borg Queen out to be lonely and capricious and that she just didn't think about Jurati's ideas before. It was never about perfection anyway but not to be so alone? It's just like in Discovery when everything is about emotions: problems and solutions. And it makes me sick. Where is the unstoppable force of the Borg that can't be reasoned with? All the Borg needed to not be so bad is opening up to peace and togetherness, right?

It's like they try to make this all about Picard but nothing really is. Where is Q? This is another episode where he is absent! We've been tricked into believing this was about Q and some "trial that never ends" but it's clear now that was just so the TNG fans would tune in. Nine episodes for a fact about Picard that could've easily been told in one episode...

But what can you expect of the illustrious group of writers that gave us this episode:

  • Matthew Okumura: mostly known for story editing on "Leverage: Redemption" (cop/secret agent/hacker show)
  • Christopher B. Derrick: Two short films about cops in 2016 and 2007
  • Juliana James: "Superman & Lois" writer
  • Kiley Rossetter: no writing credits other than Picard


One episode of Mad Men reveals more of the main character than 9 episodes of this drivel.

Oh and thanks for me not liking the Picard family anymore. Apparently, they rather lock sick people under screams away instead of getting medical or therapeutic help. Thanks, writers!
95 out of 113 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink

Recently Viewed

 
\n \n \n\n\n