Before I begin this review, I want to give a friendly wave to the people who give 10/10 stars for these episodes and barely review anything else: I hope you get paid enough for this!
As we are now 5 episodes in, barely any significant advances have been made in any of the storylines.
It's interesting that the producers made everyone plain humans (the Elves, the Numenorians) in an attempt to make them more relatable, yet I don't care about any of them. It makes everything very bland.
There is also a problem of scale to this show. We are being told, Galadriel is the commander of the northern armies, but all we got to see is 5 people who abandon her (and are gone to Valinor). Whole villages in the southlands are being abandoned but at the watchtower are only 50-100 people maybe. Numenor, the height of human civilization, has no army and only 5 ships to spare. Proclamations in the capital are heard by 200 people.
Where is the scale? It all feels so small! It clashes with the huge CGI aerial shots.
Even the costumes habe serious flaws. Under the armor you can see printed stretch undershirts that fold in places. What a joke.
Galadriel/Numenor:
The biggest flaw in this show (apart from the egregious lore inaccuracies and thinly veiled social justice placating to garner social media brownie points) is still Galadriel. This 5000 years old very noble elf , educated by the powerful Maia Melian. But in the show she is still his one-note Mary Sue character with vengeance on her mind, arrogant and entitled, not knowing how to behave in court in front of the descendants of Elronds brother. She lets herself be imprisoned by 2 guard and then overwhelms 4 guards when they try to put her on a boat. She wants Miriel to commit her forces to Galadriels task but gives no evidence of her case. The same with Halbrand. Apparently it's just enough that Galadriel says he is royalty without confirming anything.
The problem is that the writers think they're doing female empowerment a service by showcasing this character. When she rides a horse in slow motion or fights inexperienced beta males or steps on a boat - the music swells like something awesome is happening - but nothing is, really. It makes you cringe. I don't care about THIS Galadriel because the writers haven't give me a reason to. There is no depth to her character.
And why does Galadriel have to train 5 peple for 5 minutes? All this scene does is placate Galadriel AGAIN and let her show off the males. Oh look, a strong badass woman! Wooooow! Because the numenorian soldiers-to-be don't really learn anything other than Galadriel is better than them.
Is this really how they want us to see them getting ready for war? Where is the training arena? Do numenorian soldiers have to practise swordfighting in alleys between fish salesmen?
What's wrong with the mighty Numenor?
They are the descendants of people who fought orcs and were rewarded with a long lifespan and an island of their own! This knowledge is not passed on? Where are their army and their drill instructors? Elendil - a "petty lord" - is the only guy who gives the recruits some tips?
Why does Miriel have to ask for volunteers instead of just giving an order to her army?
This is all so badly constructed!
Hobbits:
As with the last weeks, the Hobbit (yes they are Hobbits) story is still an empty void. The show is spinning its wheels for some inevitable cliffhanger that wants you to gape at. This week, we are getting a lovely rendition of a song by our female Frodo. A song worthy of a Disney movie for children.
The tribe of Hobbits show their horrible lack of ethics again by attributing food shortage to the tall man that Nori keeps around. I don't like them.
And I have to say, the CGI wolves look worse that the dog/pigs in the show "ANDOR".
Durin/Elrond storyline:
As far as character scenes go, the most fun that I can find I find here. But the good feeling doesn't last long when I see them portraying Gil-Galad (the high king) as a moron.
He knew about the tree (elvendom) rotting AND Galadriel suspected Sauron is back but didn't put 2 and 2 together??? Instead he sent her away because she might actually find Sauron?
And what about that crap with the Silmaril being struck by lightning and going into the mountain to create Mithril? That's not how this world works - it's totally made up. And why mentioning a Silmaril anyway? Only fans know that and they are rolling their eyes when you change everything.
Are you going to tell me that Gil-Galad knew for how many years that THE IMMORTALITY OF ELVES WOULD FADE if the don't get their hands on Mithril? And he didn't do anything? And how is Mithril then being distributed? As a suppository? As a lamp? A skin cream? Needless to say this is also not in Tolkien's stories. It's just an ore. Valuable, sure but even the Numenorians had it.
Southlands:
Why is Bronwyn (the only one who keeps herself clean with nice clothes) the leader of the villages now? Where are the actual leaders?
Then they copycat themselves. Last episode, there was a scene in Numenor were volunteers put their arms up. The same thing here. Why? Don't know. I guess writing is pretty hard. And how will they fight? They have no weapons or food! They are cornered with their backs to the wall. Wouldn't it be better to flee somewhere else?
It's all so unconvincing.
Misandry:
No immersion thanks to mundane elves, modern hairstyles and thinly veiled current political issues. There's misandry galore here and girls (who got Middle Earth covered) are just hampered by incompetent or evil man folk.
They try to be Game of Thrones by having scheming characters lleft and right but it just doesn't fit the world. Gil-Galad is unlikeable! Imagine that!
And lest we forget - why are cows producing black thick stuff instead of milk because some orcs let slaves dig a trench they call a tunnel?
I don't know what this show is supposed to be: it's neither gritty nor witty enough to be in the same league as Game of Thrones. It's also too boring for mouth breathers and children.
Favorite clumsy line:
"When i talk his ears close up."
As we are now 5 episodes in, barely any significant advances have been made in any of the storylines.
It's interesting that the producers made everyone plain humans (the Elves, the Numenorians) in an attempt to make them more relatable, yet I don't care about any of them. It makes everything very bland.
There is also a problem of scale to this show. We are being told, Galadriel is the commander of the northern armies, but all we got to see is 5 people who abandon her (and are gone to Valinor). Whole villages in the southlands are being abandoned but at the watchtower are only 50-100 people maybe. Numenor, the height of human civilization, has no army and only 5 ships to spare. Proclamations in the capital are heard by 200 people.
Where is the scale? It all feels so small! It clashes with the huge CGI aerial shots.
Even the costumes habe serious flaws. Under the armor you can see printed stretch undershirts that fold in places. What a joke.
Galadriel/Numenor:
The biggest flaw in this show (apart from the egregious lore inaccuracies and thinly veiled social justice placating to garner social media brownie points) is still Galadriel. This 5000 years old very noble elf , educated by the powerful Maia Melian. But in the show she is still his one-note Mary Sue character with vengeance on her mind, arrogant and entitled, not knowing how to behave in court in front of the descendants of Elronds brother. She lets herself be imprisoned by 2 guard and then overwhelms 4 guards when they try to put her on a boat. She wants Miriel to commit her forces to Galadriels task but gives no evidence of her case. The same with Halbrand. Apparently it's just enough that Galadriel says he is royalty without confirming anything.
The problem is that the writers think they're doing female empowerment a service by showcasing this character. When she rides a horse in slow motion or fights inexperienced beta males or steps on a boat - the music swells like something awesome is happening - but nothing is, really. It makes you cringe. I don't care about THIS Galadriel because the writers haven't give me a reason to. There is no depth to her character.
And why does Galadriel have to train 5 peple for 5 minutes? All this scene does is placate Galadriel AGAIN and let her show off the males. Oh look, a strong badass woman! Wooooow! Because the numenorian soldiers-to-be don't really learn anything other than Galadriel is better than them.
Is this really how they want us to see them getting ready for war? Where is the training arena? Do numenorian soldiers have to practise swordfighting in alleys between fish salesmen?
What's wrong with the mighty Numenor?
They are the descendants of people who fought orcs and were rewarded with a long lifespan and an island of their own! This knowledge is not passed on? Where are their army and their drill instructors? Elendil - a "petty lord" - is the only guy who gives the recruits some tips?
Why does Miriel have to ask for volunteers instead of just giving an order to her army?
This is all so badly constructed!
Hobbits:
As with the last weeks, the Hobbit (yes they are Hobbits) story is still an empty void. The show is spinning its wheels for some inevitable cliffhanger that wants you to gape at. This week, we are getting a lovely rendition of a song by our female Frodo. A song worthy of a Disney movie for children.
The tribe of Hobbits show their horrible lack of ethics again by attributing food shortage to the tall man that Nori keeps around. I don't like them.
And I have to say, the CGI wolves look worse that the dog/pigs in the show "ANDOR".
Durin/Elrond storyline:
As far as character scenes go, the most fun that I can find I find here. But the good feeling doesn't last long when I see them portraying Gil-Galad (the high king) as a moron.
He knew about the tree (elvendom) rotting AND Galadriel suspected Sauron is back but didn't put 2 and 2 together??? Instead he sent her away because she might actually find Sauron?
And what about that crap with the Silmaril being struck by lightning and going into the mountain to create Mithril? That's not how this world works - it's totally made up. And why mentioning a Silmaril anyway? Only fans know that and they are rolling their eyes when you change everything.
Are you going to tell me that Gil-Galad knew for how many years that THE IMMORTALITY OF ELVES WOULD FADE if the don't get their hands on Mithril? And he didn't do anything? And how is Mithril then being distributed? As a suppository? As a lamp? A skin cream? Needless to say this is also not in Tolkien's stories. It's just an ore. Valuable, sure but even the Numenorians had it.
Southlands:
Why is Bronwyn (the only one who keeps herself clean with nice clothes) the leader of the villages now? Where are the actual leaders?
Then they copycat themselves. Last episode, there was a scene in Numenor were volunteers put their arms up. The same thing here. Why? Don't know. I guess writing is pretty hard. And how will they fight? They have no weapons or food! They are cornered with their backs to the wall. Wouldn't it be better to flee somewhere else?
It's all so unconvincing.
Misandry:
No immersion thanks to mundane elves, modern hairstyles and thinly veiled current political issues. There's misandry galore here and girls (who got Middle Earth covered) are just hampered by incompetent or evil man folk.
They try to be Game of Thrones by having scheming characters lleft and right but it just doesn't fit the world. Gil-Galad is unlikeable! Imagine that!
And lest we forget - why are cows producing black thick stuff instead of milk because some orcs let slaves dig a trench they call a tunnel?
I don't know what this show is supposed to be: it's neither gritty nor witty enough to be in the same league as Game of Thrones. It's also too boring for mouth breathers and children.
Favorite clumsy line:
"When i talk his ears close up."
