The Beginning Is NON-STOP Women Gushing Over Gary and How Big Of a Sackless Woman He Is. Or Talking About How They're Jealous Of His "Adventures" AKA Going Places, Looking Around and Doing Nothing.
To The Point I Just Started Screaming "KILL GARY ALREADY!"
Than We See Some Footage Of Gary, and His Voice Is So... Faye, With a Touch Of "I'm Not All There" and Just Annoying. I Now Want Him To Die, Even More.
Anywho, Keep Cutting Back and Forth To The Women Obsessed With Gary. Acting Like He Was King Human. Pretty True To Real Life Actually. "Oh, Someone Died. THEY WERE A GOD!" LOL!
Keep In Mind, The ENTIRE Time, We're Given Useless Fact, After Useless Fact and Childish Melodrama, Based On Past Trauma.
It's a Good Example Of The INSANE Amount Of Pointless Information We're Given, With EVERY News Story Or Just Story In General, Now.
This Also ONLY The First BORING and Annoying As Hell 18 Minutes. And After You See Gary, You Won't Believe For a Second He Could Spend More Than One Night Alone In The Wilderness. BUT! Going Missing Makes Perfect Sense. LOL!
Along The Way, You Meet a Reporter, a Private Investigator. The Writing Is SO TERRIBLE, You Won't Believe Them For a Second.
The Characters Themselves, All Around, Are So Funny When They Open Their Mouths, I Broke Out Laughing Several Times. Most Comedies Can't Do That.
If You Like Toy Trains, You're In Luck. There Are MANY, Long, Pointless Shots Of Toy Train Sets. So... The Movie Has That Going For It.
Now We Move On To People Talking About His Travel Blog, In 2021, Like It's a Huge Deal and Impressive. Sad, Right? It's An Obvious Way To Move The Story Forward. A Very Sad Way Of Moving The Story Forward. As It's a HUGE Shock To Everyone In His Life. Baffling.
Then We Move On To Find Out He Gets "Bullied" or "Cyberbullied" By The Comments On His Blog Into Going Missing.
The Comedy Is Gone and Now Sadness Takes Over. Lazily Blaming "Bullying" For An ADULTS Actions Is a Cop Out. "Peer Pressure" and Not Standing Up For Ones Self, Is a Childs Game. Pathetic.
And Now, Halfway Through, After Trying To Force You To Love Gary. Do You Love Gary? LOVE GARY! On To The Mystery Of His Disappearance. And The Oh So Scary "Human Footprints, In a Place Humans Exist". Finally. BRING ON THE BAD WRITING!
Ok, Now It's Picking Up. Evidence Is Found. And I Could Almost Make a The Replacements: Gary's Boner Joke. But, Damn. Wrong Body Part. LOL!
Oh and Good News. The Hilarious Dialogue Is Back. "It Was Severed Violently." Uhhhh.... Unless You're a Doctor, How Would You Do It Non-Violently? LOL!
Alright. We're At The Finish Line, Everyone. 17 Minutes Left and FINALLY Onto Some Gary Footage. An Hour and Three Minutes and ALL We Got Was Maybe 4 Minutes Of Actual Gary Footage. Endless Interviews and Faked News Segments. OVER! I Hope... GIVE ME SOME GARY!
But, Now Comes a Very Important Question, Gary Footage: Why Was Gary Looking For What Scared Him, In Pitch Black, With Only a Night Vision Camera? Is Gary Ok? How About In Daytime, With Your Camera On Your Shoulder, a Hatchet In One Hand and a Big, Rough Stick In The Other? I Don't Even Care Gary Went Missing. I Just Want To See This Moron Go Missing. Let Us Continue.
Over 5 Minutes Of Him Wandering Around and Hearing Stuff, He Sees... AN OLD CABIN! Pants Changing Time. A Few More Minutes Later, We Finally See What's Going To Make Gary Disappear. But, Gary Has a Gun and Feels Like a Strong, Tough Man. So, Even After Being Attacked, He Hangs Around.
This Movie Was a Complete Waste Of Time. It Was Secretly Funny As All Hell. Oh, Gary Died and Went Missing. That Finally Happened. No Spoilers Here, Ya'll. That Was In The Opening Word Scrawl.
And, Thank God. It's Over. But As We Fade To Black, The Movie Keeps Pretending It's Real. Telling Us Who Went Missing Looking For Gary and Setting Up a Sequel. "Their Findings Will Be Released In 2022".
I Sell My Soul To Sweet Satan To Make Sure That Doesn't Happen.
In Closing, Your Honor.
ONLY Watch This Movie With Some Friends and ALOT Of Adult "Party Enhancers". HAHA!
To The Point I Just Started Screaming "KILL GARY ALREADY!"
Than We See Some Footage Of Gary, and His Voice Is So... Faye, With a Touch Of "I'm Not All There" and Just Annoying. I Now Want Him To Die, Even More.
Anywho, Keep Cutting Back and Forth To The Women Obsessed With Gary. Acting Like He Was King Human. Pretty True To Real Life Actually. "Oh, Someone Died. THEY WERE A GOD!" LOL!
Keep In Mind, The ENTIRE Time, We're Given Useless Fact, After Useless Fact and Childish Melodrama, Based On Past Trauma.
It's a Good Example Of The INSANE Amount Of Pointless Information We're Given, With EVERY News Story Or Just Story In General, Now.
This Also ONLY The First BORING and Annoying As Hell 18 Minutes. And After You See Gary, You Won't Believe For a Second He Could Spend More Than One Night Alone In The Wilderness. BUT! Going Missing Makes Perfect Sense. LOL!
Along The Way, You Meet a Reporter, a Private Investigator. The Writing Is SO TERRIBLE, You Won't Believe Them For a Second.
The Characters Themselves, All Around, Are So Funny When They Open Their Mouths, I Broke Out Laughing Several Times. Most Comedies Can't Do That.
If You Like Toy Trains, You're In Luck. There Are MANY, Long, Pointless Shots Of Toy Train Sets. So... The Movie Has That Going For It.
Now We Move On To People Talking About His Travel Blog, In 2021, Like It's a Huge Deal and Impressive. Sad, Right? It's An Obvious Way To Move The Story Forward. A Very Sad Way Of Moving The Story Forward. As It's a HUGE Shock To Everyone In His Life. Baffling.
Then We Move On To Find Out He Gets "Bullied" or "Cyberbullied" By The Comments On His Blog Into Going Missing.
The Comedy Is Gone and Now Sadness Takes Over. Lazily Blaming "Bullying" For An ADULTS Actions Is a Cop Out. "Peer Pressure" and Not Standing Up For Ones Self, Is a Childs Game. Pathetic.
And Now, Halfway Through, After Trying To Force You To Love Gary. Do You Love Gary? LOVE GARY! On To The Mystery Of His Disappearance. And The Oh So Scary "Human Footprints, In a Place Humans Exist". Finally. BRING ON THE BAD WRITING!
Ok, Now It's Picking Up. Evidence Is Found. And I Could Almost Make a The Replacements: Gary's Boner Joke. But, Damn. Wrong Body Part. LOL!
Oh and Good News. The Hilarious Dialogue Is Back. "It Was Severed Violently." Uhhhh.... Unless You're a Doctor, How Would You Do It Non-Violently? LOL!
Alright. We're At The Finish Line, Everyone. 17 Minutes Left and FINALLY Onto Some Gary Footage. An Hour and Three Minutes and ALL We Got Was Maybe 4 Minutes Of Actual Gary Footage. Endless Interviews and Faked News Segments. OVER! I Hope... GIVE ME SOME GARY!
But, Now Comes a Very Important Question, Gary Footage: Why Was Gary Looking For What Scared Him, In Pitch Black, With Only a Night Vision Camera? Is Gary Ok? How About In Daytime, With Your Camera On Your Shoulder, a Hatchet In One Hand and a Big, Rough Stick In The Other? I Don't Even Care Gary Went Missing. I Just Want To See This Moron Go Missing. Let Us Continue.
Over 5 Minutes Of Him Wandering Around and Hearing Stuff, He Sees... AN OLD CABIN! Pants Changing Time. A Few More Minutes Later, We Finally See What's Going To Make Gary Disappear. But, Gary Has a Gun and Feels Like a Strong, Tough Man. So, Even After Being Attacked, He Hangs Around.
This Movie Was a Complete Waste Of Time. It Was Secretly Funny As All Hell. Oh, Gary Died and Went Missing. That Finally Happened. No Spoilers Here, Ya'll. That Was In The Opening Word Scrawl.
And, Thank God. It's Over. But As We Fade To Black, The Movie Keeps Pretending It's Real. Telling Us Who Went Missing Looking For Gary and Setting Up a Sequel. "Their Findings Will Be Released In 2022".
I Sell My Soul To Sweet Satan To Make Sure That Doesn't Happen.
In Closing, Your Honor.
ONLY Watch This Movie With Some Friends and ALOT Of Adult "Party Enhancers". HAHA!
