- Dr. Frank 'Mac' MacDonald: You're the most self-indulgent man I ever knew.
- Sir Basil Algernon 'Chief' Winterton: I devote my life to pleasing myself. Why shouldn't I? No family. No relatives, thank Heaven.
- Dr. Frank 'Mac' MacDonald: Well, you might have settled down and had children.
- Sir Basil Algernon 'Chief' Winterton: Children! O-ho-ho! I've had 'em! Plenty of 'em!
- Dr. Frank 'Mac' MacDonald: What? You?
- Sir Basil Algernon 'Chief' Winterton: Why not? No great feat. Anybody can do it. Even you have two sons.
- Dr. Frank 'Mac' MacDonald: Well, I like that! Basil, where are your children?
- Sir Basil Algernon 'Chief' Winterton: Oh, dotted about the various points of the compass.
- Dr. Frank 'Mac' MacDonald: Well I must say, you're very casual about them.
- Sir Basil Algernon 'Chief' Winterton: Well, they're nothing to me. Never seen 'em!
- Dr. Frank 'Mac' MacDonald: Why don't you send for your children? Make a home for them.
- Sir Basil Algernon 'Chief' Winterton: What? Fill this place with a lot of noisy ill-bred brats?
- [he chuckles]
- Sir Basil Algernon 'Chief' Winterton: You've got a quaint sense of humour, Frank.
- John Ashley: Sir Basil is a very charming, as well as, a very distinguished person.
- Antoinette 'Tony' Flagg: Oh, yeah? Well, my mother was distinguished too. *She* was a headliner.
- Mrs. 'Aunt Molly' Berney: She was that. And sure it was me that should know. Didn't I dress her and strip her from one end of the country to the other, huh?
- Antoinette 'Tony' Flagg: If she makes any more cracks about my mother, I'll start something that will take the snap out of her garters
- Sir Basil Algernon 'Chief' Winterton: He'll never marry. He's all business. Not the marrying kind.
- Antoinette 'Tony' Flagg: I don't care whether he is or not. He'll fall, when the right girl comes along.
- Sir Basil Algernon 'Chief' Winterton: No girl's going to get John.
- Antoinette 'Tony' Flagg: Yeah? Well, those that live the longest, will see the most.
- Antoinette 'Tony' Flagg: Is this a gag or are you on the level? You mean to say that my father is a - a Duke or something?
- John Ashley: Your father is Sir Basil Winterton, VC, KCB, KCMG - Baron.
- Antoinette 'Tony' Flagg: Can you tie that?
- John Ashley: Of course, you knew you had a father.
- Antoinette 'Tony' Flagg: Well, I kinda suspected it.
- Antoinette 'Tony' Flagg: We didn't pick you for a father! If we had, you wouldn't have been such a flop.
- Sir Basil Algernon 'Chief' Winterton: If you talk to me like that, I'll put you across my knee and give you a darn good spanking.
- Geoffrey Trent: How are we to address you?
- Antoinette 'Tony' Flagg: Yeah, what are we going to call ya?
- Geoffrey Trent: We feel that Sir Basil is a little too distant.
- Sir Basil Algernon 'Chief' Winterton: Quite so. Of course, at the moment "father" is out of the question.
- John Ashley: I have it! Why not: Chief.
- Antoinette 'Tony' Flagg: That's it! Chief! We're all out of the same firehouse.
- Sir Basil Algernon 'Chief' Winterton: Don't call it England!
- John Ashley: All right, England.
- [Tony giggles, Sir Basil spanks her behind]
- John Ashley: Whoop!
- John Ashley: I've been in England only three weeks and already I've learned to talk the English language.
- Geoffrey Trent: Oh, yeah? Let me hear you do it sometime.
- Maria Credaro: Miss Tony said that if you didn't get up when you were called, she'd come and pull you out of bed.
- Sir Basil Algernon 'Chief' Winterton: Pull me out of bed?
- Maria Credaro: Yes, sir.
- Sir Basil Algernon 'Chief' Winterton: She'd do it!
- Maria Credaro: Yes, sir.
- Antoinette 'Tony' Flagg: John, you know the first time I saw you in New York, I knew you were a square-shooter.
- John Ashley: Thanks very much.
- Antoinette 'Tony' Flagg: And if the Chief had sent anybody but you to New York, I never would have come here.
- John Ashley: Oh, Tony. Its nice of you to say it, just the same.
- Antoinette 'Tony' Flagg: I guess I'll have to go a step further.
- [moves closer]
- Antoinette 'Tony' Flagg: John, as far as I'm concerned, you could write your own ticket.
- John Ashley: Tony!
- [kiss]
- Antoinette 'Tony' Flagg: Oh, gosh. John, I have to go. I'll be right back.
- [kiss]
- Antoinette 'Tony' Flagg: Oh, I'll get my coat and I'll meet you in the garden.
- John Ashley: By the sundial.
- Antoinette 'Tony' Flagg: Yes.
- [kiss]
- Antoinette 'Tony' Flagg: And we'll pick up where we left off.
- Sir Basil Algernon 'Chief' Winterton: When I was young, girls never said these things. They never even thought them.
- Antoinette 'Tony' Flagg: That's why they never said them.
- Sir Basil Algernon 'Chief' Winterton: I've done nothing but spoil you.
- Antoinette 'Tony' Flagg: Why shouldn't you? Aren't I your favorite little accident?
- Antoinette 'Tony' Flagg: Gee, I'm nuts about him.
- John Ashley: Is that the same as being: goofy?
- Antoinette 'Tony' Flagg: Well, the same. Only to be goofy is a little bit more, eh, passionate. If you know what I mean.
- Sir Basil Algernon 'Chief' Winterton: Yes, I'll still have Tony. And when you have Tony, you have your hands full.
- Sir Basil Algernon 'Chief' Winterton: Well, they're gone.
- Antoinette 'Tony' Flagg: Gee, Chief, you talk as if they were dead.
- Sir Basil Algernon 'Chief' Winterton: I shall miss them.
- Antoinette 'Tony' Flagg: Oh, cheer up. I can annoy you enough for the whole bunch.
- Sir Basil Algernon 'Chief' Winterton: I shouldn't have let the twigs grow in the trees before transplanting them.
- Antoinette 'Tony' Flagg: I'm going away! And that's the whole thing in a nut hole. I mean, nut shell. I mean...
- Sir Basil Algernon 'Chief' Winterton: Nut hole, is what you're trying to say.
- Antoinette 'Tony' Flagg: No it isn't! Nut *shell* is what I'm trying to say!
- Sir Basil Algernon 'Chief' Winterton: Children are a confounding nuisance, anyway. When they're around there's nothing but trouble and - and - and - and hooey!
- Larkin, the Butler: Yes, sir. Hooey.
- John Ashley: Sir Basil, I've been thinking this whole thing over. I'm a fool!
- Sir Basil Algernon 'Chief' Winterton: You consider that in the nature of - news?
- Sir Basil Algernon 'Chief' Winterton: You're just like your mother. She could charm the bird out of a tree. No matter what she did, she could always explain.
- Antoinette 'Tony' Flagg: I said I'd like to talk to Sir Basil alone! Now, there are two ways to go out of this room. Take your choice: vertical or horizontal!
- Antoinette 'Tony' Flagg: When I love somebody, no matter what the other party does, I go on loving them just the same. That's the way I am.