- Mike Frye: You know, sometimes I wonder why I keep you around.
- Deborah Patterson: Maybe it's because I own 50% of the stock.
- Mike Frye: That must be the reason.
- Georgie Markham: Don't worry, I'll bring him back dead or alive. Either way, he ought to look great.
- Deborah Patterson: What ever happened to your conscience?
- Mike Frye: I just had it washed. I can't do a thing with it.
- Stretch' Barnes: Grandma used to say money can't buy happiness, but it sure is a most pleasant way of being miserable.
- Mike Frye: We can't stall them any longer. What are we gonna tell them?
- Deborah Patterson: How about the truth for a change?
- Mike Frye: No, that's too primitive.
- Mike Frye: [in reference to the real Smoky Callaway, clearly exhibiting signs of excessive drinking] How bad is he?
- Georgie Markham: Bad.
- Mike Frye: How much does he drink? A pint, quart a day?
- Georgie Markham: "Drink"? He SPILLS a quart a day.
- [mimicking an alcoholic's shaking hand]
- Mike Frye: [now addressing Smoky] Alright... I know a place where we can try to get you in shape. Will you work?
- Smoky Callaway: Sure.
- Mike Frye: It'll be tough. You'll have to train like a fighter.
- Smoky Callaway: All right, all right.
- Mike Frye: No booze, no dames, no fancy parties.
- Smoky Callaway: Yeah.
- Mike Frye: Or anything else.
- Smoky Callaway: What else *is* there?
- Mike Frye: [affecting a faux "Western" style of talking] Howdy, pardner. Know a cowpoke around these parts, name of 'Stretch' Barnes?
- Ranch Hand: [indifferently points and answers] Corral.
- Mike Frye: Oh... Mind if we mosey over there, pardner, and kind of palaver a spell?
- Ranch Hand: Why don't you just walk over there and talk to him?
- Mike Frye: [a bit deflated] Yeah, yeah, we.. we'll do that.
- Deborah Patterson: Come along, "pardner."
- [they head off to the corral]
- Mike Frye: [meeting Smoky Callaway's former agent, who has just entered his office] Mr. Markham?
- Georgie Markham: Georgie's the handle, "G" for Georgie, "M" for Markham, and "H" for How are ya?