My Stepmother Is an Alien (1988)
Kim Basinger: Celeste Martin
Photos
Quotes
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[Celeste consults with the alien council]
Celeste Martin : The subject says he will be unable to think about science unless he marries me.
Council Chief : Well, marry him.
Celeste Martin : But we don't know what "marry" is.
Council Chief : One moment.
[the second council member takes a book. He and the council chief leaf through it until they find the page about marriage]
Council Chief : Ah, yes. The Monchine Forty says marriage is this: he goes off to fight the Turks, and you put on a lock.
[Celeste is confused]
Second in Command : No, no, no.
[they leaf more pages]
Council Chief : Oh, yes, yes. Wrong century. Eh... marriage is this: you cook and clean and bring him martinis.
Second in Command : No, no!
Council Chief : Wrong again? Ridiculous...
[they leaf more pages]
Council Chief : Yes. Wrong decade. Too old-fashioned. Ah, here we are, yes. The modern marriage: there are no rules or responsibilities, but if he does something wrong, you can set him on fire while he sleeps and go on a talk show, where everyone will forgive you and love you. There is only one drawback: you will have to have more sex.
Celeste Martin : [excitedly] I'll do it!
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[after Steve asks if she wants to have sex]
Celeste Martin : Sure. I just have to figure out what that is.
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Steven Mills : I think... I think...
Celeste Martin : What?
Steven Mills : Would I scare you... if I told you I love you?
Celeste Martin : Not unless you hit me at the same time.
Steven Mills : I'm serious.
Celeste Martin : So am I!
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[watching a video of two people having sex]
Celeste Martin : That is the weirdest thing I've ever seen.
The Bag : That's why we gave it up 3,000 years ago.
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Celeste Martin : [after changing to new dress in Dr. Mills' car] Is this acceptable?
Steven Mills : Is the drool apparent?
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Steven Mills : Would you mind if I kissed you?
Celeste Martin : Does it hurt?
Steven Mills : Not the way I do it.
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[on Ron's braces]
Celeste Martin : Ooh, mouth jewelry!
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[after a long & strange make out, both somewhat out of breath]
Steven Mills : I've never felt anything like that before.
Celeste Martin : Do I now have to eat the chocolate from Pennsylvania?
Steven Mills : [laughs; looks slightly confused] What?
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Celeste Martin : Oh yeah, I could do that.
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Celeste Martin : Don't stop!
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Celeste Martin : This Debbie's a very busy girl...