- [Jack, 18 years old but looking 72, arrives at his graduation ceremony]
- Lawrence Woodruff: [addressing the audience] Ladies and gentleman, it is my honor to introduce this year's valedictorian, Jack Charles Powell.
- [a round of applause approves of this choice]
- Jack: [taking the stand] Thank you, Aristotle.
- [He must take out spectacles to read the speech]
- Eric - at 18: Yo, Jack, go get 'em!
- Jack: I got it, Eric. I'm cool... I don't have very much time these days so I'll make it quick. Like my life. You know, as we come to the end of this phase of our life, we find ourselves trying to remember the good times and trying to forget the bad times, and we find ourselves thinking about the future. We start to worry , thinking, "What am I gonna do? Where am I gonna be in 10 years?" But I say to you, "Hey, look at me!" Please, don't worry so much. Because in the end, none of us have very long on this Earth. Life is fleeting. And if you're ever distressed, cast your eyes to the summer sky when the stars are strung across the velvety night. And when a shooting star streaks through the blackness, turning night into day... make a wish and think of me. Make your life spectacular. I know I did. I made it, Mom. I'm a grownup.
- Lawrence Woodruff: You know why I like to teach children, Jack? So I don't get so wrapped up in being an adult. So I can remember there are other things that are important in life - like riding a bike, playing in a treehouse, splashing in water with your good shoes on. And you, my friend, were my most special student. And until recently, you were everything I ever wanted in a student. You were a shooting star amongst ordinary stars. Have you ever seen a shooting star, Jack?
- Jack: No.
- Lawrence Woodruff: It's wonderful. It passes quickly, but while it's here it just lights up the whole sky - it's the most beautiful thing you'd ever want to see. So beautiful that the other stars stop and watch. You almost never see one.
- Jack: Why not?
- Lawrence Woodruff: Beacuse they're very rare. Quite rare. But I saw one. I did.
- Jack: I just want to be a regular star.
- Lawrence Woodruff: Jack, you'll never be regular. You're spectacular.
- George: I want to be a gynecologist.
- Miss Marquez: If that's so, then I want good reasons why.
- George: *You're* the reason why, Miss Marquez.
- Louis: [reading his essay to the class] I want to be just like my best friend when I grow up. He's only 10 but he looks much older. He's like the perfect grownup because on the inside, he's still just a kid. He's not afraid to learn things or try things, or to meet new people the way most grownups are. It's like he's looking at everything for the first time--because he is. And most grownups aren't like that. Most grown-ups just wanna go to work and make money and show off for the neighbors. And more than anything, he knows how to be a great friend, more than most people that look like adults. So I might not know what I wanna be when I grow up, and right now I really don't care. But I do know who I wanna be like. I wanna be like the giant. The big guy. My best friend. Jack. Thank you.
- [it is decided Jack is to go to school]
- Karen Powell: You sure he's ready for school?
- Brian: Jackie will be fine.
- [they kiss Jack and go to bed]
- Brian: [to himself] It's the rest of the world I'm worried about.
- Principal McGee: I'm Mr. McGee. I've heard so much about you, Jack.
- Jack: Hi, Mr. Magoo.
- Principal McGee: McGee.
- Jack: McGee.
- Principal McGee: Yes.
- Jack: Magoo.
- Karen Powell: Woodruff doesn't know what he's talking about.
- Brian: If he doesn't know what he's talking about, then why are we paying him all this money to tutor Jack?
- Karen Powell: I blame him for filling Jack's head with all these ideas of going to school.
- Brian: Imagine that, a teacher wanting a kid to go to school.
- Jack: Hey guys, I brought a friend, okay? This is Mr. Woodruff.
- Eddie: Are you 10, too?
- Lawrence Woodruff: Uh, well, if you ask my wife. No, I'm afraid I'm just a regular, garden-variety old fart.
- Jack: Miss Marquez, I was thinking that maybe if you didn't have anything to do, you might want to go to the dance with me. It'd be really, really fun.
- Miss Marquez: Oh, Jackie.
- Jack: So you wanna go? My mom will drive us.
- Miss Marquez: Jack, you don't wanna go with me. I'm an old lady.
- Jack: That's why. That's why I wanna go with you. I can't go with the girls my age, because I look so much older than them. You look just like me.
- [moves in quickly, kisses her on the lips and smiles nervously]
- Miss Marquez: [stunned] Jackie. Jack. You are still a very young man, up here
- [motions to his head]
- Miss Marquez: . I know I look closer to your age than the girls in class, you're right about that.
- Jack: So what time should my mom and I pick you up?
- Miss Marquez: [she becomes blunt] Jack, you are my student, and I am your teacher. And teachers and students don't go to dances together. Do you understand that?
- Jack: [tearing up] Please?
- Miss Marquez: No. I'm sorry honey. It just wouldn't be right.
- [Jack begins to cry and runs out of the classroom]
- Jack: [rambling into the phone really fast] Hey, Dad! I got to play basketball today. They picked me! Not just because I'm humongous, because I'm real good. Yeah, I scored a thousand points. Yeah, right it was only a hundred. I'm kidding it was 14. I scored! Yeah, and I met this really cool kid named Louie. Not Louis, Louie. Yeah. His mom gave me some matches.
- Brian: OK, slow down, buddy, slow down.
- Jack: Hey, Dad, Louie has some dirty magazines under his bed. What are dirty magazines? I got to be principal. Well, I pretended to be. And I got a lot of homework to do. I got a great homework assignment. And you know what? Miss Marquez ate one of my red Gummi-Bears and she said 'way to go,' but not because of the red Gummi-Bears. Because of the way I play basketball. Yeah, it was great. She said Shaq better watch his back! She's what Grandpa says is a real piece of work. She's really great. What are you doing?
- Karen Powell: You know how children are. They make fun of a fat kid or a kid who wears glasses. What do you think they're going to do to a six-foot hairy kid?
- Angry Man: That's the second time tonight! What, are you stupid?
- [Jack tries to walk away]
- Angry Man: Whoa! Whoa! Where you going? I want an apology!
- Jack: I'm sorry.
- Angry Man: No, no, no, that's not gonna be good enough, sorry.
- Jack: Well, I said I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Jeez, what is it with you? What, are you totally hyper or something? You eat too much sugar?
- Angry Man: What, do you think you're pretty smart?
- Jack: Yeah, I do, got an A in everything except Social Studies.
- Angry Man: Studies? How'd you like to study my fist?
- Dolores: Hey, hey, hey, leave him alone, asshole. Come on, Mr. Powell.
- Angry Man: What's the matter, man? You gonna let your girlfriend here stand up for you?
- Dolores: Just, let's go.
- Jack: [Jack begins to deliver insults he heard on the playground] You know what your problem is, Mister? You have Exactly Disease.
- Angry Man: What's that?
- Jack: It's when your mouth smells EXACTLY LIKE YOUR BUTT!
- Dolores: What, you get that from Louis? He always says that.
- Angry Man: And you're a loser!
- Jack: Oh yeah, losers say what?
- Angry Man: What?
- Jack: LOSER! Haha! Rubber, glue, sticks to you!
- Dolores: What are you doing? This guy's very tough! Stop with this, let's go.
- Angry Man: [getting very angry] I'm a loser? You're a son of a bitch!
- Jack: I can't believe you said that! You cussed! Oh, you said the 'B' word! Oh, you're going to get in so much trouble! You really are!
- Angry Man: [laughs] Here's some trouble!
- [punches Jack in the face]
- Brian: You know, I was just thinking about the first time you ever rode a bike. Remember that?
- Jack: Oh, yeah.
- Brian: You were so determined to ride. You kept wiping out and nearly took out a couple of the neighbors. It took a couple days until you finally got it, and look at you now! I mean, you're riding like a pro!
- Principal McGee: Jack, how would you like to see your classroom?
- Jack: [quietly] Yes.
- Principal McGee: A little louder.
- Jack: [even more quietly] Yes.
- Principal McGee: A little louder, Jack.
- Jack: [shouts loudly] YES!
- Jack: What happened to Mr. McGee? I just talked to him on the phone.
- Louis: I don't know what happened to Mr. McGee. Mr. Powell?
- Jack: [pause] He got diarrhea.
- Dolores: [disgusted] Diarrhea?
- Jack: Yeah, he got diarrhea. And uh, he spewed. Threw up. And he had the squirts. He had diarrhea.
- Dolores: Oh boy, that's more than I needed to know.
- Jack: [Phoebe pokes him with a stick] Ow, don't!
- Phoebe: Are you a freak?
- Jack: No.
- Phoebe: Oh. Well Jane says that you're a freak.
- Jack: Who's Jane?
- Jane: I'm Jane and I think you are a freak. Look at your hairy arms and your eyebrows and...
- Phoebe: Yeah, he has receding hairline.
- Jack: Well, I'm not a freak.
- Phoebe: You don't look 10. Look, you've got the hairy arms. You've got hairy knuckles.
- Jane: You look a lot older than us.
- Phoebe: It looks like you shaved there.
- Jack: Yeah, I do. So?
- Phoebe: A 10-year-old doesn't shave! So then you can't be 10.
- Jane: Yes, you can't be 10 if you shave and you have hairy arms and you're tall, really tall, and you're bigger.
- Jack: So, I'm big for my age.
- Louis: Hey, I brought Jack. He's right down there.
- John-John: You brought the freak?
- Louis: He's not a freak.
- John-John: You said he was a freak!
- Louis: Yeah, I said wrong, all right? Get over it. He's cool. He knows how to shoot hoops. And he did me a favor today. Here, check this out. Look what he picked up on the way over.
- [pulls out a Penthouse magazine]
- John-John: He bought that?
- [he reaches for it but Louie pulls it away]
- Louis: Eh! Eh!
- John-John: No way.
- Louis: Way! Walked right into the store and picked it up. No fear, nothing. My man's the man!
- John-John: That is way cool.
- Eddie: Wish I was a freak!
- Louis: Hey, lay off the freak stuff, all right? Jack's cool. And you gotta let him kick it with us. If he walks, Penthouse walks too.
- George: So Jack, you bought that magazine?
- Jack: Yeah, I buy 'em all the time.
- George: What about Hustler? You get Hustler?
- Jack: If you want it.
- Eddie: Swank?
- Jack: Yeah, that and uh, you know, all the grownup stuff that only grownups can read.
- George: Cool! And they don't give you no trouble in buying them? I mean like they don't ask for ID?
- Jack: No. You know, I just don't shave for a day and I look like I'm fifty.
- Dr. Lin: I want to assure you both that there is nothing debilitating about your son's condition. He's totally healthy, normal in appearance, alert and quite happy. However, his cells are developing at what we feel is four times the normal rate. Even though your son was only 10 weeks old when he was born, physically he was nine months and ready to leave your womb.
- Dr. Benfante: Nature has given us all an internal clock. It meters out lifespan; controls our growth. Your son's internal clock seems to be ticking faster than usual.
- Officer at Jail: Let's just get your stuff here, you can go.
- [empties a paper bag]
- Officer at Jail: You've got a library card, pocket knife, Spiderman watch, Pez dispenser.
- Jack: Where's my pog? It's a slammer.
- [Officer dejectedly reaches into his pocket and pulls it out]