- Off. Doug Penhall: [Sawyer has Wally in a headlock] Put him down.
- Jerome Sawyer: Eat it!
- Off. Doug Penhall: You must wanna see what the inside of your neck looks like!
- Drew Wilder: [Revealing the stolen Porsche] What do you think I can get for it?
- Officer Harry Truman Ioki: Just off the top of my head...
- [Showing his badge]
- Officer Harry Truman Ioki: I'd say 3 to 5 years!
- Bus Driver: Where's your pass?
- Off. Doug Penhall: My dog ate it.
- Officer Tom Hanson: I got the same dog!
- Officer Tom Hanson: [after hijacking a school bus] Top of the morning ladies and gents! Everybody just relax and the McQuaid brothers will guide you safely and soundly to your destination. We'll be cruising this morning at speeds between 40 and 140 mph so just kick back, and enjoy the ride!
- Off. Doug Penhall: [to Wally] We can't protect you for the rest of your life, you gotta learn to take care of yourself!
- [Raises his voice]
- Off. Doug Penhall: C'mon, be a man!
- Officer Tom Hanson: We salute you!
- Captain Adam Fuller: Y'know, I wish you were my kid Lane.
- Lane Ketchum: Yeah?
- Captain Adam Fuller: Yeah! You wouldn't smile for a week!
- Lane Ketchum: If I was your kid, I'd be living in a house the size of my game room!
- Drew Wilder: [It's midday and Drew is still in bed sleeping. The phone on the nightstand rings and he answers it] Yeah?
- Lane Ketchum: [On the car phone] Hey, what are you doing? Are you sick or something?
- Drew Wilder: I'm sleeping.
- Lane Ketchum: Sleeping? Drew, it's lunchtime! Put on a tie...
- Carly: [Carly snatches the car phone from Lane] Drew, you missed your history midterm, you idiot!
- Drew Wilder: Yeah I know, I kinda felt like blowing it off.
- Carly: [In disbelief] You felt like blowing off your midterm?
- Lane Ketchum: [Taking the car phone back] Drew, I'm proud of you!
- Lane Ketchum: You guys wanna see a movie?
- Drew Wilder: You guys go ahead, I gotta go.
- Lane Ketchum: Drew, c'mon! Nobody studies 7 nights a week, it's not natural!
- Drew Wilder: I'm the future leader of tomorrow - I gotta be ready!
- Mr. Wilder: The clothes I buy you aren't good enough for your friends - you had to wear a question mark on your jeans!
- Mr. Wilder: [Looking at Drew's grade on a test paper] When exactly were you planning on showing me this, Drew?
- Drew Wilder: You went through my stuff?
- Mr. Wilder: As long as you're living under my roof Drew, you don't have any "stuff"!
- Drew Wilder: Look Dad, one 87 isn't gonna hurt me!
- Mr. Wilder: You must think that the universities are just gonna give money away to anybody who asks!
- Drew Wilder: No, I don't think that.
- Mr. Wilder: Do you think they're looking for B-average students who use the word "gonna" in their vocabulary?
- Drew Wilder: I'm not a B-student!
- Mr. Wilder: This test is an embarrassment! I want you hitting those books.
- Drew Wilder: Look, I'll be back in a hour, okay? I just wanna go out with my friends for once.
- Mr. Wilder: I didn't move us into this school district so you could learn how to talk back to your father! Besides, they're NOT your friends, Drew!
- Drew Wilder: Yes, they are!
- Mr. Wilder: Real friends wouldn't drag you down!
- [Sternly]
- Mr. Wilder: And I don't wanna hear another word!
- [Screams and crashing noises are heard as Mr Wilder beats up Drew]
- Mr. Wickenton: If Mike delivers an average of 33 newspapers every 6 minutes, and Larry delivers an average of 22 newspapers every 8 minutes, working together, how long is it going to take them to deliver 248 newspapers? Lane?
- Lane Ketchum: Why don't you ask someone who is gonna do it for a living?
- Mr. Wickenton: Because I'm asking YOU, Lane!
- Mr. Wilder: I expect you to use your full potential!
- Drew Wilder: Full potential? I bring home a 98, and you ask what happened to the other two points? Nobody's got THAT MUCH potential!
- Lane Ketchum: [Seeing Ricky staring at Judy] Listen, Ricky. You think you could find your way back to the Coke machine and bring me my drink?
- Ricky: Yeah, I think so.
- Officer Judy Hoffs: Gee, you're so sensitive, Lane!
- Lane Ketchum: I'm just asking the guy to do his job!
- Lane Ketchum: [Trying on some sunglasses at the mall] Hey, I like 'em!
- Officer Judy Hoffs: Nice, how much?
- Lane Ketchum: A hundred and fifty.
- Officer Judy Hoffs: So buy them already. But do it fast Lane, I'm starving!
- Lane Ketchum: I'll probably lose them anyway.
- Officer Judy Hoffs: I'm that way about guys who DON'T buy me lunch!
- Jerome Sawyer: [Noticing Ricky flirting with Judy] I'm sure her old man will be just thrilled to have a pizza cutter as a son in law!
- Ricky: It can happen!
- Jerome Sawyer: Uh huh, really?
- Ricky: Really!
- Wally: Can I ask you something?
- Off. Doug Penhall: Think you wanna take that chance?
- Wally: I wanna make you a business proposition. I'll pay you $25 per week to be my bodyguard, and keep these guys from South Central off me.
- Off. Doug Penhall: Go away!
- Wally: Ok, 40 bucks! Alright, 75 dollars! Now, that is my allowance for the week! Look, my dad owns a stereo store. I can get you stuff for free if you want. C'mon man, they don't leave me alone! I don't even do anything!
- Off. Doug Penhall: You got a problem with your hearing?
- Mr. Wickenton: You'll be surprised how often you can reduce everyday activities into algebraic equations.
- Off. Doug Penhall: Yeah, I find myself doing that all the time!
- Drew Wilder: [Seeing Sawyer about to throw Wally in the shower] Hey Sawyer, why don't you leave the kid alone?
- Jerome Sawyer: Why don't you shut up Wilder, or you're going in next!
- Officer Judy Hoffs: [Ricky has given Judy a necklace] Now what do you think, I'd see some jewelry and all of a sudden get hot for him?
- Off. Doug Penhall: That's the way it usually works.
- Officer Judy Hoffs: Choke on it, Penhall!
- Off. Doug Penhall: No, I'm serious! Eleventh grade, Winnie Bolen. Red haired, flat-chested wench with a mouth like yesterday's garbage.
- Officer Harry Truman Ioki: A rare find these days!
- Off. Doug Penhall: Only she didn't know I was alive, so I bought her this amazing gold ID bracelet. Spent everything I made caddying that summer. Must have been about three hundred bucks.
- Officer Harry Truman Ioki: You spent three hundred bucks on some high school girl?
- Off. Doug Penhall: Ioki, I was in love! Once she saw that bracelet, so was she!
- Officer Judy Hoffs: And just how long did this relationship grounded in trust and friendship last?
- Off. Doug Penhall: Three weeks.
- [Judy rolls her eyes]
- Off. Doug Penhall: It's still the best three weeks of my life!
- Scott James: [about to pull a name from a container of potential winners to win a Porsche] I can't believe the number of people who've tried to bribe me to pull their name. You'd think one of them would meet my price!