The Addams Family (TV Series)

Mother Lurch Visits the Addams Family (1965)

Carolyn Jones: Morticia Addams

Photos 

Quotes 

• Morticia Addams : [about Mother Lurch]  Do you know she hates Pugsley's octopus?

  Gomez Addams : [shocked]  Anyone who'd hate an octopus is warped!

  Morticia Addams : She even tried to feed it to Cleopatra.

  Gomez Addams : That's inhuman!

  Morticia Addams : I rescued him just in time.

• [Using a crossbow, Gomez and Morticia are shooting at apples tossed mid-air by Thing] 

  Morticia Addams : Now isn't this better than shooting apples off of Lurches head?

  Gomez Addams : Much safer and, uh, less expensive. These poor steel-tipped arrows haven't a chance against Lurch's head.

• Morticia Addams : Lurch, as mistress of this house I'm ordering you to make eyes at me.

• Gomez Addams : [snaps his fingers]  Lurch, that picture of the house that you sent to your mother, you told her it was your house, right?

  [Lurch nods shamefully] 

  Morticia Addams : Well, we always think of you as one of the family, Lurch.

  Lurch : A servant...

  Morticia Addams : A very good servant!

  Lurch : I'm a liar.

  Gomez Addams : And a very good liar!

  Morticia Addams : Gomez!

  Gomez Addams : Oh sorry, I got carried away.

• Morticia Addams : It's impossible.

  Gomez Addams : What's impossible?

  Morticia Addams : That blondes have more fun.

• Morticia Addams : [about Lurch]  He's been terribly depressed ever since he got that letter from his mother this morning. Not himself at all.

  Gomez Addams : How could you tell?

  Morticia Addams : He smiled.

• Gomez Addams : We'll call a family conference. Maybe Uncle Fester can think of something. He has a good head on his shoulders.

  Morticia Addams : Too bad Cousin Slimy isn't around. He has two of them.

• Morticia Addams : Now, as far as pinching the maid...

  [Lurch groans in dismay] 

  Morticia Addams : Perhaps that would be carrying it a bit too far. But I don't want your mother to become suspicous.

• [Morticia decides they should all play servants under Lurch during his mother's visit] 

  Morticia Addams : Now, Uncle Fester, you can be the gardener.

  Uncle Fester : Forget it.

  Morticia Addams : But, Uncle Fester, wouldn't you like to putter around in the back yard, maybe plant some crabgrass or stickweed?

  Uncle Fester : I like the backyard just the way it is - bare!

• [Training Lurch to behave like master of the house, Morticia presents him the newspaper] 

  Morticia Addams : No, no, Lurch. Not the funnies - the financial page. Wealthy men always turn to the financial page first.

  Lurch : [resolutely]  I like the funnies!