- Sally Rogers: I met him.
- Rob Petrie: Ya met who?
- Sally Rogers: Buddy's wife's cousin.
- Rob Petrie: What was he like?
- Sally Rogers: Well, d'y'ever see "The Untouchables"?
- Rob Petrie: Yeah?
- Sally Rogers: He's more like one of the "unbearables".
- Maurice (Buddy) Sorrell: It may only be twenty-five cents to you, but to Marge, our switchboard girl, twenty-five is a quarter of a dollar.
- Melvin (Mel) Cooley: Rob!
- Rob Petrie: Buddy!
- Maurice (Buddy) Sorrell: Sally!
- Sally Rogers: Mel!
- Melvin (Mel) Cooley: Rob!
- Rob Petrie: Sally!
- Sally Rogers: Buddy!
- Maurice (Buddy) Sorrell: Go ahead, Curly. It's your turn. Say "Rob."
- Melvin (Mel) Cooley: [bellowing] Rob!
- Maurice (Buddy) Sorrell: [applauding drolly, overlapping Sally's line] Beautiful.
- Sally Rogers: [applauding drolly, overlapping Buddy's line] Oh, wonderful, wonderful.
- Melvin (Mel) Cooley: [looking around; to Rob] Well, I see our adult delinquent is late as usual.
- Maurice (Buddy) Sorrell: [walking in, holding a purse] No, I'm not. I'm back. I was out shopping.
- Melvin (Mel) Cooley: [to Rob] Yes, he made an excellent purchase. His old purse was getting awfully shabby.
- Maurice (Buddy) Sorrell: [handing Sally the purse] Here's your bag, Sally.
- Maurice (Buddy) Sorrell: [to Mel] And remember this, Mr. Crew-Cut, we make the jokes around here. You're nothing but a... uh...
- Maurice (Buddy) Sorrell: [to Rob and Sally] Anybody find out what he is?
- Rob Petrie: I'm positive I think I'm sure.
- Laura Petrie: Rob, are you sure you're positive or do you just imagine you're positive?
- Rob Petrie: I'm positive I'm positive!
- Rob Petrie: Oh, you "know" me, do you? Well, it just so happens that you don't know me as well as I know me because I'm with myself almost constantly.
- Laura Petrie: Now, it's your money, Rob, and if you've made other plans for spending it, I'll understand. I'll be depressed and upset, sob a good deal during dinner but, uh, you won't hear any of the nasty thoughts I'll be thinking.
- Sally Rogers: You know this comedy sketch that Rob wrote? Gee, I don't know. It isn't like him. It isn't even funny.
- Maurice (Buddy) Sorrell: I didn't help him with it. How could it be funny?