- The Good Witch of the South: [referring to the Punchkins] I'm sorry, they've been watching just too much Magnum P.I.
- The Good Witch of the South: Well you said you wanted to be in the show and there's only one person who can help you there...
- Doris: Who?
- The Good Witch of the South: The Wizard of Shorofsky.
- Doris: The Wizard of Shorofsky?
- The Good Witch of the South: Yes, we call him Oz for short. And he lives in the Kingdom of Auditorium.
- Doris: We're in Fast Food Jungle. It's the Wicked Witch's way of getting us to forget about the Yellow Brick Road. Don't touch any of this! It's all bad for you.
- The Wicked Witch of the West: Didn't you tell me once that your cello had powers?
- Mello Cello: Any creature with furs, feather or flesh cannot help but respond.
- [a beat]
- Mello Cello: Doesn't do a thing for fish.
- Doris: [the Wizard asks his assistant to wipe his glasses] Guess we kind of got to you , huh?
- The Wizard of Shorofsky: No, but I think I'm allergic to that dog out there.
- The Wicked Witch of the West: Be careful with that cello. Don't scratch it!
- Evil Helper: [carrying an invisible magic cello] How can you scratch something that you can't even see?
- The Wicked Witch of the West: Ever have a mosquito bite between your shoulder blades?
- Evil Helper: Yes.
- The Wicked Witch of the West: Did you scratch it?
- Evil Helper: Yes.
- The Wicked Witch of the West: Did you see it?
- Evil Helper: No. Talk about your smart witches.
- [Wicked Witch clicks her tongue]
- Cowardly Lion: My sword is so fast...
- [pause]
- Tin Man, Scarecrow: How fast is it?
- Cowardly Lion: My sword is so fast, I can cut classes, you won't even know I'm gone!
- The Wizard of Shorofsky: Click your heels together three times.
- [Doris does so]
- The Wizard of Shorofsky: Close your eyes... and open your mouth.
- The Good Witch of the South: Say what?
- The Good Witch of the South: I say, open your mouth. Open wider...
- Doris Schwartz: [Doris has been replaced in the show] Mr. Shorofsky, can't you do something?
- Mr. Benjamin Shorofsky: Sorry, Cookie.