Filthy Rich & Catflap (TV Series)

Episode #1.1 (1987)

Rik Mayall: Richard Rich

Photos 

Quotes 

• Richard Rich : Eddie, this is the most milkman-shaped stork I have seen in my life. I would go further and posit that it's not a stork at all, but a milkman.

• Richard Rich : [Eddie is sleeping in Richie's bed]  What's the matter with your bed?

  Edward Catflap : It's covered in lager.

  Richard Rich : You mean, you threw up on it.

  Edward Catflap : There was a certain amount of unpleasantness, yeah. I don't see what you're so upset about, I've been very considerate. I could've easily thrown up on your bed and slept in my own.

  Richard Rich : And what is wrong with the lavatory?

  Edward Catflap : Richie. You know I hate sleeping in the lavatory, you can never get comfy.

• Richard Rich : [the phone is ringing]  Maybe it's a producer with a wonderful part.

  Edward Catflap : Oo-er!

  Richard Rich : Eddie, I said wonderful part, not attractive Willy.

• Richard Rich : [on phone]  Hello, Filthy Ralph, what do you want got me any work? Listen, I'm jaded with the tired, shallow world of TV light entertainment. I yearn to thread the boards again. I fancy Shakespeare.

  Edward Catflap : [listenening in on the other line]  Which considering he's a bloke and dead, makes you a homosexual necrophiliac.

• Richard Rich : This is so dramatic, somebody should be making a film of me now.

• Richard Rich : [Rich and Eddie are re-enacting Romeo and Juliet]  Eddie, concentrate, I play Romeo and you play the fiery war-like Tybalt. So, it's a fight, obviously, it'll be better if I had me tights on. "Away to Heaven respective lenity and fire-eyed fury be my conduct now, now Tybalt..."

  [Eddie punches Rich through his bedroom door] 

  Richard Rich : What in the name of Satan's portion?

  Edward Catflap : I was acting! You said it was a fight!

  Richard Rich : Yeah, but, you've got to let me finish my speech!

  Edward Catflap : Seems a funny sort of fight to me. "You can't hit me till I've finished my speech!"

  Richard Rich : Which shows how much you know about acting, because it happens all the time in Shake!

  Edward Catflap : Well, how am I supposed to play a role that's riddled with such glaring inconsistencies? On the one hand I'm a fiery war-like Tybalt and on the other it's "Stand there quiet Tyb while I do my poem."

  Richard Rich : Eddie, this is Shakespeare! And everybody knows what Shakespeare is.

  Edward Catflap : Crap.