Frasier (TV Series)

Duke's, We Hardly Knew Ye (1994)

John Mahoney: Martin Crane

Quotes 

• Daphne : If you ask me, you Americans have an unhealthy obsession with sex.

  Martin : Hey, I'm sorry we can't all be as chaste and restrained as the Royal Family!

  Frasier : Good one, Dad!

  Martin : I've been saving it!

• Daphne : [Daphne emerges from her room wearing a red, oriental style dress] 

  [to Martin and Frasier] 

  Daphne : Well?

  [Martin lets out a wolf whistle] 

  Frasier : Well, Daphne, very nice.

  Daphne : Thank you.

  Martin : No, thank YOU.

  Daphne : I'd be more flattered if I didn't know how hard up you both are right now. I'm going out with Derek again tonight. But I'm having trouble choosing a fragrance. I've got it pinned down to these two.

  [she sprays one] 

  Daphne : "Heather" - fresh and bouncy as a spring morning, or

  [she sprays the other] 

  Daphne : "Forbidden" - your passport to erotic realms of pleasure.

  [Martin and Frasier smell both fragrances] 

  Martin : How many times you been out with this guy?

  Martin : This is our third date.

  [Frasier and Martin look at each other] 

  Martin : Forbidden

• Dr. Frasier Crane : Dad, it's not like I did this on purpose, I'm part of a huge investment group.

  Martin Crane : You know, I don't get it. You guys stood there and watched me and my friends get all weepy and you didn't say anything.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Well, what did you want us to say? "Say fellas, here's something ironic..."

• Frasier : Hi Dad, what are you doing up?

  Martin : I reached over in my sleep and Eddie wasn't there.

  Frasier : You need a woman, Dad.

• Martin Crane : [finding out Niles and Frasier's investment group are tearing down Duke's bar]  Let me see if I got this right: in the last year, you give my chair away, you lose my dog, and now you demolish my bar. What's next? I'm gonna find out you're the one who shot me in the hip?

  Dr. Frasier Crane : I have an alibi for that one.

  Martin Crane : You have an alibi for everything.