- Bob 'Bulldog' Briscoe: [entering the recording studio] Hey, Doc. I need some advice. I feel a cold coming on, and I'm wondering, should I take vitamin C or should I just leave Seattle?
- [bursts into laughter and smacks Frasier over the head with a newspaper]
- Dr. Frasier Crane: I'd like to just say, as I've been saying for the last three hours, that it was not my intent to... cause anyone offense. But it seems obvious that I have, I would like to say this: I apologize. I do not find Seattle a depressing place to live. It would take more than clouds to obscure the beauty of her landscape and more than drizzle to dampen the warmth and good fellowship that makes Seattle the only place in this bad old world that I care to call home. 'Till Monday, then, this is Dr. Frasier Crane signing off.
- [Frasier presses a button on his control panel and takes his headset off]
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Good grief! Have you ever in your life heard such a bunch of whiny, provincial crybabies? I swear to God, this entire city has lost its tiny, rain-addled mind!
- Roz Doyle: Uh, Dr. Crane, we're still on the air.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: [awkward pause] Thank you, Roz.
- Roz Doyle: Is that a new TV?
- Martin Crane: Yeah.
- Roz Doyle: That's great. Did you get it hooked up yet?
- Martin Crane: No, I decided I'd let Niles take a crack at it first.
- Daphne Moon: [answering the phone] Crane residence. Oh, no, I'm afraid he can't come to the phone. May I take a message? Oh, nice language, that! I hope you don't eat with that mouth.
- Dr. Niles Crane: Daphne... Daphne, excuse me.
- [Niles takes the phone]
- Dr. Niles Crane: Now see here, how dare you speak to a lady that way! Yes, well, that's no excuse, ma'am. Oh! Only a coward makes threats over the phone. I dare you to come here and say that to my face!
- [sardonic chuckle]
- Dr. Niles Crane: Never you mind where I live.
- [Niles hangs up]
- Dr. Frasier Crane: You would not believe the hostility I've encountered. Even at the Cafe Nervosa, my sanctuary, I thought they were trying out a new cappuccino maker, I turned and saw three tables hissing at me!
- Martin Crane: [to Frasier] Let me tell you something: a city's like a woman. You get one mad at you, it doesn't matter if you're completely right and she's completely wrong, you'll apologize anyway, or you'll be paying for it for the rest of your life.
- Daphne Moon: I'm not sure if I care for that analogy.
- Martin Crane: Oh gee, I'm sorry, Daphne, I was way out of line.
- Daphne Moon: [smiles] All right, you're forgiven.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: In case you haven't noticed, Dad, it does get a little damp around here. For God's sake, the state flower is mildew!
- Roz Doyle: [to Frasier] I hope you're happy! According to Betsy, the switchboard has logged over 50 irate calls!
- Bob 'Bulldog' Briscoe: Fifty? Damn, you topped my record! The most I ever got was 35 when I read that commentary, "Lady Umpires--Finally a Chest Worth Protecting!"
- Roz Doyle: If it's jokes you need, feel free to use some of mine.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: [laughs] I'm sure the nuns would just love that. Why don't I call Bulldog and ask him for a couple of limericks from his Nantucket series?