Frasier (TV Series)

The Crucible (1993)

John Mahoney: Martin Crane

Quotes 

• Martin : For God's sake, Frasier, you're forty-one years old - it's time you learned something. The system ain't perfect - sometimes the bad guy wins. And all those things you thought would be around to help you, the courts and the police department - well, sometimes, they're just not there when you need them, so you can let it eat a hole in your stomach or you can just file it away under the heading "Sometimes life sucks."

  Frasier : Yeah, well, that file's getting pretty thick!

• Frasier : Dad, will you stop showing these crime scene photos? You're embarrassing me.

  Martin : Oh, these society people eat this up. Besides, she was the one that brought it up.

  Frasier : Oh, she brought it up? Bethany van Pelt, the head of the Junior League, brought up the subject of a hooker whose body was hideously dismembered and scattered all over an abandoned warehouse?

  Martin : Yeah, she asked, "aren't these Swedish meatballs the messiest things you've ever seen?" and I said, "No, as a matter of fact..."

• Martin Crane : What are you going to do now?

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Well, they've forced my hand. I'm going to call the police.

  Martin Crane : Five-five-five three thousand.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Thanks, Dad. Try to mess with Dr. Frasier Crane, I'll teach them.

  [into phone] 

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Hello, yes. Oh, just a second. Dad, who do I ask for?

  Martin Crane : Have them put you through to the fine arts forgery department.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Hello, yes, the fine arts forgery department, please... Dad, they're laughing at me.

  Martin Crane : Give me the phone.

  [Frasier does] 

  Martin Crane : Hi, who's this? Hey, Doris. Yeah, Marty Crane. Yeah, that was my son. Yeah, I just thought he needed a bite of a reality sandwich. Yeah, yeah, give my best to the guys. Thanks. Bye.