- Chandler Bing: I'm so glad we're having this rehearsal dinner. You know, I so rarely get to practice my meals before I eat them.
- Phoebe Buffay: [upset] What did we say was your one gift to us?
- Chandler Bing: No stupid jokes. But I thought that was for the actual wedding.
- Phoebe Buffay: Rehearse it!
- Joey Tribbiani: [officiating Phoebe and Mike's wedding] Friends, family - dog - thank you all for being here to witness this blessed event. The cold has now spread to my special place, so I'm gonna do the short version of this.
- Phoebe Buffay: [speaking her vows to Mike] When I was growing up, I didn't have a normal mom and dad, or a regular family like eveybody else. And I always knew that something was missing. But now I'm standing here today, knowing that I have eveything that I'm ever gonna need. You are my family.
- Chandler Bing: [about not being part of Phoebe and Mike's wedding] This is like figure skating all over again... I mean synchronized swimming... I mean the balance beam... Help me!
- Dr. Ross Geller: Football!
- Chandler Bing: Wow - aren't you gonna be cold?
- Phoebe Buffay: I don't care. I-I'll be my 'something blue'.
- Phoebe Buffay: Hey, Rach - where's Emma?
- Rachel Green: Monica made me send her to my mother's. Apparently, babies and weddings don't mix.
- Monica Geller-Bing: Are you still crying about your damn baby?
- Joey Tribbiani: [talking privately with a thick Italian accent] Last night I try to welcome you into my family; instead, you disrespect me. I cannot allow this.
- Mike Hannigan: Are you rehearsing for some really bad mafia movie?
- Joey Tribbiani: [scowls] More back talk; and yes - I may be borrowing a few lines from my recent unsuccessful audition for "Family Honor 2: This Time It's Personal".
- Mike Hannigan: Joe, I have a lot to do today; what'd you want?
- Joey Tribbiani: [exclaims] I want you to take this seriously! Phoebe is very, very important to me, Ok? And I want to make sure you are gonna take care of her.
- Mike Hannigan: [stands] Joe, I love Phoebe - she's the single most important thing in my life. I'd die before I let anything happen to her.
- Joey Tribbiani: [smiles and pats on Mike's shoulder] That's what I wanted to hear - because she's family, OK? And now you're going to be family, and there's nothing in the whole world than family.
- Mike Hannigan: That must've been one lousy movie.
- Joey Tribbiani: [offended] That was me!
- Monica Geller-Bing: [to Phoebe] OK, it's 2100 hours. Time for your toast.
- Mike Hannigan: Do I have a minute to go to the bathroom?
- Monica Geller-Bing: You had a bathroom break at 2030; pee on your own time, Mike... Now, in regard to the toast - OK, you wanna keep them short; nothing kills a rehearsal dinner like long speeches. OK, you just get in, do your thing and get out.
- Mike Hannigan: Is that what you say to Chandler?
- Monica Geller-Bing: I need you at the rehearsal dinner tonight at 1800 hours.
- Phoebe Buffay: Uh-huh, okay, what time is that?
- Monica Geller-Bing: [shakes her head] You don't know military time?
- Phoebe Buffay: [sarcastically] Oh, I must've been in missile training the day they taught that.
- Monica Geller-Bing: Just subtract 12.
- Phoebe Buffay: Okay, so, 1,800 minus 12 is...
- [Phoebe looks at Joey, but he has no idea what the outcome is]
- Phoebe Buffay: ...1,788.
- Monica Geller-Bing: [impatienly] SIX O'CLOCK!
- Mike Hannigan: [speaking his vows to Phoebe] Phoebe, you are so beautiful. You're so kind. You're so generous. You're so wonderfully weird. Everyday with you is an adventure. And I can't believe how lucky I am. I can't wait to share my life with you forever.