- Kelly Bundy: But Daddy, what if the bank finds out they made a mistake and they want all the money back?
- Al Bundy: That's why we bought perishables. They can get it back, alright, but do they really want it?
- Marcy D'Arcy: What's that on your chin? Have some of the stronger boys been rubbing your face in the dirt again?
- Bud Bundy: It's called a beard. Surely, you've seen one before in the mirror.
- Bud Bundy: I was in my dorm room studying, when a bunch of babes came in and invited me to my first college pajama party. Not just any pajama party, a bottoms-only pajama party.
- Bud Bundy: All the guys dorms were full, so they put me in the women's dorm. Luckily, they knew I was mature enough to handle it. Excuse me one moment.
- [Bud pulls out a drill and drills a peep hole]
- Al Bundy: That's low, son... It's too low! You'll be looking at kneecaps! Move it up, boy, move it up.
- Peggy Bundy: Al, we are here to talk to Bud.
- Al Bundy: I am talking to him. Come on, make a hole for Daddy.
- Al Bundy: His checks are bouncing all over town and even if he didn't see himself on America's Most Wanted, Kelly did. So it's only a matter of time before she realizes who he is and calls the feds in on him.