- Dan Conner: I met somebody in California.
- Roseanne Conner: Well obviously it's not met as in JUST met otherwise you wouldn't have taken this long to say anything.
- Jackie Harris: [to Dan] It wouldn't surprise me if 30 years from now, your sons aren't visiting THEIR mother in a mental hospital.
- Jackie Harris: This is not the end, it's a beginning. We're in the prime of our lives, we're young, we're rich, and we're free. We've got one less egg to answer, one less bell to fry.
- Roseanne Conner: Like I'm supposed to just look the other way when they catch you in a hotel room with a call girl? I don't have the blindness that only money can buy, Dan, I'm not Rose Kennedy. I'm working class. There's right and there's wrong. There's black AND there's white, and no amount of money can make me see gray.
- Roseanne Conner: [Jackie asks how the white sale went] No irregulars, for the first time my sheets are shaped like a bed!