The Sopranos (TV Series)

Everybody Hurts (2002)

John Ventimiglia: Artie Bucco

Photos 

Quotes 

• Ralph Cifaretto : [refusing to loan Artie money after he asked for it]  I hate to do it, Artie. But I think I'm going to pass.

  Artie Bucco : Why not?

  Ralph Cifaretto : Cause if you don't pay me back, I ain't gonna be able to hurt ya.

• Elodi Colbert : [referring to the number of reservations for the restaurant]  already eighty-six tonight

  Artie Bucco : they come to see you

  Elodi Colbert : I eat so much of your food, I'm gonna get a belly

  Artie Bucco : is Jean-Philippe, ok?

  Elodi Colbert : what do you mean?

  Artie Bucco : he was gonna call me, I left him a couple messages, he didn't call me back, did you hear from him? Does he call your mother?

  Elodi Colbert : well, he always works late hours: the time difference, by the time we're waking up, their already at home eating dinner

  Elodi Colbert : [while giving him a CD]  I almost forget, I bring you something

  Elodi Colbert : [before walking away]  I have to put the flowers in the vases

• Artie Bucco : [as Tony arrives to visit him in the hospital]  oh Jesus

  Tony Soprano : What happened?

  Artie Bucco : [Referring to the investment he tried to make with Jean-Philippe]  it went to shit. The "Next Vodka."

  Tony Soprano : [Referring to his suicide attempt]  so, this is what you do?

  Artie Bucco : You don't understand. The money is gone

  Tony Soprano : Can't you come talk to me? Hey, I'm your friend. Suppose you hadn't been able to reach me and I come over to your house and I find you dead, how am I supposed to feel?

  Artie Bucco : [Before crying]  take the restaurant

  Tony Soprano : I don't want the fuckin restaurant

  Artie Bucco : How am I going to pay you back? Fifty thousand dollars, it'd take the rest of my life

  Tony Soprano : It's fifty-one five, "vig"-wise, and technically you already missed a payment. Alright, look, we'll wipe my tab at the restaurant

  Artie Bucco : Thank you, Tony, that's what? Six-thousand dollars? What about the rest of the money?

  Tony Soprano : I'll assume the guy's debt. Collecting fifty G's

  Artie Bucco : Thank you. The "cobwebs" are now removed"

  Tony Soprano : The fuck you talking about?

  Artie Bucco : You saw this whole thing didn't you? You knew exactly what was going to happen. You can see twenty moves down the road. Please, I don't blame you, I envy you. It's like an instinct: like a hawk sees a little mouse moving around in a corn field from a mile up

  Tony Soprano : You think it's my fault you're fuckin lying in here?

  Artie Bucco : It's just that somebody mentions fifty grand to bankroll a French thief and your mind goes through all the permutations at like internet speed and realizes "oh worst case scenario, I eat for free"

  Tony Soprano : You fuckin suicide, you're disgraceful

  Artie Bucco : I'm sorry

  Tony Soprano : No fuck that, is there anybody else know that it was me I loaned you the money?

  Artie Bucco : Like who?

  Tony Soprano : Like who? I don't give a fuck who: Adriana, Father Intintola, my wife, anybody?

  Tony Soprano : [after Artie shakes his head]  You got mugged outside your house. It was a "street crime", kids, they took the wallet and your watch. Where are they?

  Artie Bucco : Why?

  Tony Soprano : Why? You don't care what people think? Well I do. Enough people hate me. You fought back. They ripped your earring out of your ear, you were bleeding, and went inside your house. You took a bunch of pills to kill the pain because you knew you had to wait at the emergency room for a couple hours

  Artie Bucco : Tone, they pumped my stomach. They saw the Armagnac

  Tony Soprano : You got fuckin mugged! Do you understand me? I didn't loan you shit!

• Artie Bucco : [referring to Elodi, after seeing Charmaine ask her to remove empty plates from a table]  she's a hostess: not a busboy

  Charmaine Bucco : [impersonating Elodi clapping]  what was that all about, huh?

  Artie Bucco : it's just a venture capital "thing" with Jean-Philippe, I'm sure it wouldn't pass your incredibly high Wharton School of Business standards

  Charmaine Bucco : you want to make some "meaningful" money, why don't you get your friend Anthony Soprano to pay his tab? It's close to six thousand dollars

  Artie Bucco : [before he flicks his chin]  I could have an "empire" like Bobby Flay, and it still wouldn't be good enough for you

  Charmaine Bucco : ok, I'll make you a deal, we'll start working on your "empire" right after we pay the ten thousand dollars of orthodonture our children will need this year

• Artie Bucco : Can I talk to you?

  Tony Soprano : yeah, what's going on?

  Artie Bucco : [referring to the money Tony loaned Artie]  I just wanted to give you a little "heads up", I know the money's due in a couple days. Frankly, I'm a little concerned, I can't get ahold of Jean-Philippe: he doesn't return my calls

  Tony Soprano : did you go over there?

  Artie Bucco : not yet

  Tony Soprano : well, you gotta get over there, the guy's not returning your phone calls

  Artie Bucco : I know

  Tony Soprano : If they miss a payment, they start acting like their doing you a favor if they give you anything and then you're spend all your time hounding them: you gotta get your arms around this "thing"

• Artie Bucco : Ok, in a nutshell, I'd like to borrow a "little" money

  Ralph Cifaretto : How "little"?

  Artie Bucco : Fifty thousand: just for a couple weeks, I'm upgrading the kitchen in the restaurant

  Ralph Cifaretto : [jokingly]  Get the fuck outta here, what you take out of that bar, you must be sitting on money like King Croesus

  Artie Bucco : [amused]  I wish

  Ralph Cifaretto : [referring to the interest his going to charge]  You know, I'm not gonna be able to loan you money for less than two points

  Artie Bucco : That's not a problem

  Ralph Cifaretto : Just out of curiosity, what's gonna happen in two weeks?

  Artie Bucco : Oh, the insurance check is gonna come

  Ralph Cifaretto : [after thinking it over]  I hate to do it, but I think I'm going to pass: sorry

  Artie Bucco : [disappointed]  Why not?

  Ralph Cifaretto : [because of Artie's close friendship to Tony]  Because if you don't pay me back, I ain't gonna be able to hurt you

• Tony Soprano : if you need a favor, what'd I do, you don't reach out to me?

  Artie Bucco : [confused]  what are you talking about?

  Tony Soprano : Ralph Cifaretto told me you came to him for money? You need something, you don't come to me? I'm your friend

  Artie Bucco : right, so consider yourself "lucky" I didn't impinge our friendship

  Tony Soprano : yeah, but this is "me"

  Artie Bucco : [referring to his daughter]  if I was desperate, if Melissa had a tumor instead of an overbite, you'd be the first one I went to but this was a business venture

  Tony Soprano : what kind of deal?

  Artie Bucco : Elodi's brother needs a bridge loan fifty thousand dollars and I get back fifty-seven and a half in ten days

  Tony Soprano : I thought it was for the restaurant?

  Artie Bucco : I told Ralphie that, I didn't want him going around meeting the "principles"

  Tony Soprano : what for then?

  Artie Bucco : [before showing him a sample bottle]  North American distribution rights for Armagnac: it's the "new vodka." This stuff is sweeping Europe, it's gonna be bigger than Stoli, Goose, who ever heard of "goose" before? It's French vodka, these guys, their "big players". Their throwing millions behind product introduction

  Tony Soprano : [convinced]  alright, you got it

  Artie Bucco : [insistently]  I told you already, no

  Tony Soprano : [irritated]  what the fuck am I? A toxic person?

  Artie Bucco : no, come on please

  Tony Soprano : I'll charge you a point and a half and believe me, I know that's a lot fuckin better than Ralph Cifaretto would do

  Tony Soprano : [handing him money]  I insist, here's like three thousand: someone's gonna come by here with the rest

  Artie Bucco : [after taking the money]  you're a great guy