Star Trek: Deep Space Nine (TV Series)

Rules of Acquisition (1993)

Wallace Shawn: Zek

Quotes 

• Zek : Let me remind you that taking business advice from a female is a violation of Ferengi law.

  Quark : I didn't know she was a female.

  Zek : Stupidity is no excuse. Now one more word out of you, and you are going to share her cell.

  Quark : Then you better make sure that it's big enough for three.

  Zek : Are you threatening me?

  Quark : I wonder what your associates will say when I tell them you allowed a female to represent you in a business negotiation.

  Zek : I didn't know she was a female.

  Quark : Stupidity is no excuse.

• Pel : [Pel has entered the room where the Grand Nagus, Rom and Quark are dining with the intent of revealing her identity as a female. Quark and Rom are nervous]  So... You like my lobes?

  Quark : [nervously]  Pel...?

  Zek : [a little confused]  Uh... Yes, I do.

  Pel : [indignant]  Good! Then you can have them!

  [Pel rips off her false lobes, revealing her small ears] 

  Quark : [shouts as he jumps forward and covers Pel's ears with his hands; over the Nagus's screaming]  NO!

  Zek : [Screaminging in horror]  OOOHH! It's a female!

  Rom : Does that mean I get the bar?

  Quark : [through his teeth]  Rom. Out!

  [Quark kicks Rom out of the room] 

  Zek : [enraged]  Quark, this is outrageous! Now, what is going on here?

  Quark : [stuttering]  Well, I-I-I...

  Pel : [standing in front of Quark protectively]  Leave him out of this!

  Zek : You *dare* give me orders!

  [points accusingly at Quark] 

  Zek : You knew about this all along?

  Quark : [still stammering]  I...

  Pel : [reproachful]  So, tell me about my "big future"!

  Zek : [to Pel; accusingly]  You have *no* future! I'll see to it that you spend the rest of your life behind bars!

  Quark : [Quark steps forward, standing protectively in front of Pel. With stern finality]  NO.

  Zek : Let me remind you that taking business advice from a female is a violation of Ferengi law.

  Quark : I didn't know she was a female.

  Zek : Stupidity is no excuse. Now, one more word out of you and you are going to share her cell.

  Quark : Then you better make sure it's big enough for three.

  Zek : [suspiciously]  Are you threatening me?

  Quark : I wonder what your associates say when I tell them that you allowed a female to represent you in a business negotiation.

  Zek : [echoing Quark's words]  I didn't know she was a female.

  Quark : Stupidity is no excuse.

  [Zek silently realizes that Quark is right - they all didn't know that they were working with a female] 

• Major Kira : The Ferengi reputation speaks for itself.

  Zek : A reputation for honesty and decency and reliability. You always know what to expect when you do business with the Ferengi.

  Major Kira : Which is why, if you're smart, you don't do business with the Ferengi.

• Zek : Most of my information consists of little more than hints and whispers, but it's enough to convince me that whoever learns the secret of the Dominion, whatever that may be, will learn the secret of the Gamma Quadrant.