That '70s Show (TV Series)

That '70s Pilot (1998)

Ashton Kutcher: Michael Kelso

Photos 

Quotes 

• Michael Kelso : That's Fez. He's a foreign exchange student.

  Jackie Burkhart : Who did we exchange for him?

• Steven Hyde : [the first circle]  Is Red still thinking of giving you the car, man?

  Michael Kelso : Even if we do get it, we're gonna need serious gas money because the Cruiser's a boat.

  Eric Forman : I know the Cruiser's a boat. This whole gas shortage bites!

  Fez : Who's getting a boat?

  Steven Hyde : There's no such thing as a gas shortage, man! Its all fake! The oil companies control everything! Like, I heard about this guy who invented a car that runs on water, man! It's got a fiberglass, air-cooled engine and it runs on water!

  Fez : So, it is a boat?

  Steven Hyde : No! It's a car, only you put water in the tank instead of gas!

  Michael Kelso : [laughing]  I haven't heard of this car. Hey, Jackie's good for gas money!

  Eric Forman : You are such a whore!

  Fez : When does the boat get here, whore?

• [First scene of the series: May 17, 1976. 8:47 p.m. The gang is in Forman's basement] 

  Steven Hyde : Eric, it is time.

  Eric Forman : Why don't you do it?

  Steven Hyde : It's your house.

  Michael Kelso : *Your* house!

  Steven Hyde : [points upward]  Listen to them up there. The party has reached critical mass. In ten minutes, there will be no more beer opportunities.

  Eric Forman : If my Dad catches me copping beers, he'll kill me!

  Steven Hyde : I'm willing to take that risk.

  Michael Kelso : Don't worry about it! Just remain calm, keep moving...

  Donna Pinciotti : And, above all, don't get sucked into my Dad's hair.

  Eric Forman : What's wrong with your Dad's hair?

  Donna Pinciotti : Just don't look at it.

  Steven Hyde : [grabs Eric's face]  And, Eric: cold. Definitely cold.

  [Eric nods. Hyde pats him on the shoulder. Eric begins to run up the stairs. He pauses, looks back down, and continues] 

• Donna Pinciotti : Oh, have I told you how incredibly attractive you are, Eric?

  Eric Forman : No.

  Michael Kelso : You told me he was cute.

  Donna Pinciotti : No, I didn't.

  Michael Kelso : I remember, because you said not to say anything in front of Eric.

• [Eric's car battery is dead] 

  Randy : So, what? You want a battery? 'Cause I can get you a battery.

  Eric Forman : Are they cheap, or possibly free?

  Randy : Thirty-two bucks, minimum.

  Michael Kelso : All right, I'll tell you what. We'll trade you our battery, plus five bucks, for one of your batteries.