- Les Nessman: [to Jennifer about being able to change one's sexual orientation from gay to straight] Wouldn't a man change his religion, so to speak, if you were, so to speak, the church?
- Arthur Carlson: Jennifer, it's all my fault. I... I mean, this whole thing was my idea. I... I can't even ask you to forgive me, but I want you to know that I've been worried and upset about this whole thing... So much so, Jennifer, that I did the most foolish thing I've ever done in my life.
- Jennifer Marlowe: What?
- Arthur Carlson: Took advice from Johnny Fever. Andy, Venus, Johnny and yours truly, we broke into that photographer's studio tonight to try and get those pictures back.
- [Jennifer smiles]
- Herb Tarlek: [about his attempt to seduce a man] Well, he's not gay, that's for sure. And I'll tell you something else, I'm never, ever doing that again. I get enough rejection from women.
- [last lines]
- [Jennifer decides to look at the nude photographs of herself before she burns them]
- Jennifer Marlowe: [slowly a smile emerges on Jennifer's face] Perfect.
- [Mr. Carlson, Andy, Johnny and Venus have returned to the station after their unsuccessful attempt to burglarize Gonzer's office]
- Andy Travis: It's a good thing I keep an extra pair of jeans in my office.
- Arthur Carlson: I can't believe we did this. We committed a crime. I think what we should do is turn ourselves in.
- Venus Flytrap: Oh no, AC. I know we were bad boys and we're going to hell for what we did, but we can't go to no prison. I mean, I can deal with going to hell, but I can't deal with going to prison.