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Yes Minister (TV Series)
The Devil You Know (1981)
Nigel Hawthorne: Sir Humphrey Appleby
Photos
Quotes
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Sir Humphrey Appleby : Well, Minister, I'm afraid that is the penalty we have to pay for trying to pretend that we're Europeans. Believe me, I fully understand your hostility to Europe.
James Hacker : I'm not like you, Humphrey. I'm pro-Europe, I'm just anti-Brussels. I sometimes think you're anti-Europe and pro-Brussels.
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James Hacker : Europe is a community of nations, dedicated towards one goal.
Sir Humphrey Appleby : [laughs]
James Hacker : May we share the joke, Humphrey?
Sir Humphrey Appleby : Minister, may I?
[sits]
Sir Humphrey Appleby : Let's look at this objectively. It is a game played for national interests and always was. Why do you suppose we went into it?
James Hacker : To strengthen the brotherhood of free Western nations.
Sir Humphrey Appleby : Oh, really. We went in to screw the French by splitting them off from the Germans.
James Hacker : Well, why did the French go into it, then?
Sir Humphrey Appleby : Well, to protect their inefficient farmers from commercial competition.
James Hacker : That certainly doesn't apply to the Germans!
Sir Humphrey Appleby : No, no. They went in to cleanse themselves of genocide and apply for readmission to the human race.
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[discussing the EEC]
James Hacker : The trouble with Brussels is not internationalism, it's too much bureaucracy.
Sir Humphrey Appleby : But the bureaucracy is a consequence of the internationalism. Why else would there be an English Commissioner with a French Director-General immediately below him, and an Italian Chef-du-Division reporting to the Frenchman and so on down the line.
James Hacker : Oh, I agree.
Sir Humphrey Appleby : It's like the Tower of Babel.
James Hacker : I agree.
Sir Humphrey Appleby : No, it's even worse, it's like the United Nations.
James Hacker : I agree.
Bernard Woolley : Then perhaps, if I may interject, you are in fact in agreement.
James Hacker , Sir Humphrey Appleby : No we're not!
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James Hacker : Speaking with my parliamentary hat on, I don't think it would be a very good idea; on the other hand, with my Cabinet hat on, I think perhaps it would be a good idea. But there again, with my Party hat on, I can see there could be arguments on both sides.
Sir Humphrey Appleby : I see, and which hat are you talking through at the moment?
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James Hacker : I suppose we have got rather fond of one another. In a way.
Sir Humphrey Appleby : In a way, yes.
James Hacker : Like a terrorist and his hostage.
Bernard Woolley : Which one of you is the terrorist?
James Hacker , Sir Humphrey Appleby : [pointing at the other] He is!
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[Sir Humphrey is trying desperately to get an idea that will make Hacker stay and not go to Brussels]
Sir Humphrey Appleby : Supposing you ignore the EEC... and then publish your own plans for word processing machines... with big, big orders for British manufacturers... starting immediately... tomorrow... well certainly before Monday... involving more jobs, investment, more export orders...
James Hacker : More votes?
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[last lines]
James Hacker : Tell me, Humphrey. Who would have got my position here if I had gone to Brussels?
Sir Humphrey Appleby : Oh, I don't know...
Bernard Woolley : Didn't you tell me it was Basil Corbett?
Sir Humphrey Appleby : Basil Corbett...
[laughs uncomfortably]
James Hacker : Oh, I see. Basil Corbett.
Sir Humphrey Appleby : [long pause] Yes, Minister.
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[repeated line]
Sir Humphrey Appleby , Bernard Woolley , Annie Hacker , Sir Arnold Robinson , George - Jim's Driver : [referring to the Minister] You've done all right.
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Sir Arnold Robinson : Then we might be able to move Corbett to Employment.
Sir Humphrey Appleby : Oh. Why? Is Fred definitely going?
Sir Arnold Robinson : Yes. He keeps falling asleep in Cabinet.
Sir Humphrey Appleby : I thought they all did.
Sir Arnold Robinson : Yes, but not while they are actually talking...