- Sir Humphrey Appleby: Politicians like to panic. They need activity; it's their substitute for achievement!
- James Hacker: It is very popular with the voters, Humphrey. Gives them at chance to help us to finds ways to stop wasting government money.
- Sir Humphrey Appleby: The public doesn't know anything about wasting government money. We're the experts.
- [Discussing property owned by the Department of Administrative Affairs]
- Sir Humphrey Appleby: Ladysmith House is top secret.
- James Hacker: How can a seven storey building in Walthamstow be top secret?
- Sir Humphrey Appleby: Where there's a will, there's a way.
- James Hacker: How many people have we got in this department?
- Sir Humphrey Appleby: Er... in this department? Oh. Very small.
- James Hacker: Small? How small?
- Sir Humphrey Appleby: I don't know...
- James Hacker: 2,000? 3,000?
- Sir Humphrey Appleby: [Counts on his fingers] Um. About 23,000 I think, Minister.
- [Frank Weisel has told Hacker about a northwest regional controller who have managed to save 32 million pounds]
- Sir Humphrey Appleby: He told you it was 32 million pounds?
- Bernard Woolley: Yes, Sir Humprhey.
- Sir Humphrey Appleby: I'm aghast.
- Bernard Woolley: So was I. I mean it's incredible we didn't know.
- Sir Humphrey Appleby: I knew about it.
- Bernard Woolley: Then why are you aghast?
- Sir Humphrey Appleby: I'm aghast that it got out.