- Comic Book Guy: [Glibly walking down sidewalk while reading comic book] But Aquaman, you cannot marry a woman without gills. You're from two different worlds!
- [the nuclear missile closes in on him]
- Comic Book Guy: Oohh, I've wasted my life...
- [mushroom cloud]
- [Homer grabs the candleholder]
- Homer Simpson: You want me? Come and get me!
- Moe: Get him!
- Homer Simpson: D'oh!
- Maude Flanders: Oh, Neddie, look at them up there, plotting our doom. They could force us to commit wanton acts of carnality.
- Ned Flanders: [Scoffs] Yeah, that'll be the day.
- Homer Simpson: Well, we were lucky this time. But it's all too clear that some things in this universe... aren't meant to be trifled with.
- [Homer pulls up an axe]
- Marge Simpson: Homer, what are you doing?
- Homer Simpson: Something I should have done a long time ago.
- [now turns on Bart with his axe]
- Homer Simpson: I'll teach you to mess with my machine!
- [Bart begins screaming and running while Homer chases him]
- Homer Simpson: I'm gonna chop you good! That cost me 35 cents! You're just making it worse! I promise I won't hurt you!
- [from the edited version]
- Mayor Quimby: [sees the missile passes by] I'll bet I get blamed for this.
- [the missile lowers down to Comic Book Guy]
- Comic Book Guy: Oh, I've wasted my life.
- [the Missile explodes over Springfield]
- Bart Simpson: Lisa Simpson!
- Lisa Simpson: Bart, quit it!
- Bart Simpson: She put a spell on me!
- [Bart pretends to be under a spell]
- Bart Simpson: Must... drop... pantaloons.
- Bart Simpson: Well, I'll be a son of a witch.
- Marge Simpson: That's right, I'm a witch, and I'm the one who withered your livestock, soured your sheep's milk, and made your shirts itchy.
- Lenny: Hey, you destroyed my turnip crops!
- Marge Simpson: No, that was gophers.
- Chief wiggum: Impossible, we-we burned all the gophers!
- Marge Simpson: Not all of them!
- [turns Wiggum into a anthropomorphic gopher]
- Marge Simpson: And this is for pushing me off the cliff!
- [turns Lenny and Carl into a snowman and fairy]
- Lenny: Alright people, nothing to see here.
- Carl: Yeah, show's over, alright, move along.
- French President: Sacre Bleu. We will show those stupid Americans who looks like the frogs, eh?
- [He and the members of his military chortles, as the President's POV shows his members has frog throats]
- French President: Ready, aim...
- [He pops and presses the "LE BOMBE NEUTRON" button]
- [seeing three woman burn at the stake]
- Marge Simpson: How horrible!
- Lisa Simpson: If they're really witches, why don't they use their powers to escape!
- Homer Simpson: That sounds like witch talk to me, Lisa.
- Lisa Simpson: Never mind.
- [Opening News Broadcast in "The Homega Man"]
- Kent Brockman: ...and that's how an heroic hippo became a deputy.
- Homer Simpson: Stupid hippo.
- Kent Brockman: This just in: Tensions continue to mount between Springfield and France over Mayor Quimby's now-famous
- Kent Brockman: [chuckling]
- Kent Brockman: "frog's legs" joke. The French President has threatened swift and massive retaliation if he doesn't receive an immediate apology.
- Homer Simpson: Stupid frog.
- Kent Brockman: We now go live to City Hall, for Mayor Quimby's response.
- Mayor Quimby: I stand by my ethnic slur.
- Mayor Quimby: [pointing at the French President]
- Mayor Quimby: Do your worst, you filthy, pretentious savages.
- [first lines]
- Kent Brockman: Good evening, I am Kent Brockman. Our top story: "Punks and Lots of Them."
- Herman: [selling Homer a nuke shelter] This baby is called the Withstandinator. It can take a six-megaton blast. No more, no less.
- Homer Simpson: Oooh!
- Homer Simpson: Marge, kids... you're alive!
- Lisa Simpson: All the layers of lead paint in this house made it the perfect bomb shelter!