The Dirt (2019)

Max Milner: Razzle

Quotes 

• Vince Neil : All right, stop stalling. Who would you rather fuck: Cyndi Lauper or Boy George?

  Razzle : How about neither?

  Vince Neil : Nah, man. You've gotta pick one, all right. You've got a gun to your head. Fuck one or die. Which one is it gonna be?

  Razzle : No, you know what? I'm having trouble accepting this premise. Under what circumstances would I find myself in such a situation?

  Vince Neil : It's a mystery, you Cockney fuck.

  Razzle : It's a mystery.

  Vince Neil : You know, some random fucker's trapped the three of you in a room, and he's demanding you fuck one of them.

  Razzle : Well, what does this mysterious person benefit from my sexual humiliation?

  Vince Neil : I don't know, man, but you're definitely gonna die if you don't fucking pick.

  [pause] 

  Razzle : In that case, I think I'd have to go with the Lauper. At least she's got the proper plumbing. Hey, no, but Georgie Boy, he's probably more experienced in the handling of penis.

  [Vince laughs before he realizes he's gone the opposite lane of the road] 

  Vince Neil : What the fuck?

  [Vince's car collides with another car] 

• [Vince wakes up after his car collides with another car. Razzle's head is on his lap] 

  Vince Neil : Jesus.

  Razzle : Hey. That was a fucking close one, man.

  [Razzle laughs] 

  Vince Neil : But... where are we?

  Razzle : It's Christmas.

  [Razzle looks up] 

  Razzle : Look at all the lights.

  Vince Neil : What the fuck are you talking about, man?

  [Vince starts seeing red lights flashing outside his car] 

  Vince Neil : Oh yeah. Look at the lights, man. What do you want for Christmas, Raz?

  [Vince realizes that Razzle is dead] 

  Vince Neil : Wake up, man. Raz, wake up. Hey.

  [a police officer approaches the car] 

  Vince Neil : Wake up, man. My buddy fell asleep. Hey! Wake up, man. Oh my God. Help! Razzle! Come on, man. Wake up!

• [Razzle approaches Mötley Crüe's table] 

  Razzle : Mötley Crüe! You all all right?

  [pause] 

  Razzle : Razzle. Hanoi Rocks.

  Tommy Lee : What's up, man?

  [Tommy shakes Razzle's hand] 

  Razzle : We're touring the States for the first time, mate.

  Nikki Sixx : All right. Sit down, join us.

  [Razzle sits beside Vince. He suddenly feels his pants unzip and jumps off the seat] 

  Razzle : Fucking hell!

  [Mötley Crüe laughs as a groupie emerges from under the table. She pulls Razzle back to his seat] 

  Razzle : I fucking love America!

  [Nikki and Tommy howl in approval] 

  Vince Neil : I love this guy, man.

  Tommy Lee : Yeah, boy!