- Jeremy Clarkson decides to open a farm shop to sell his own produce. This sounds like it should be easy. It isn’t.
- Jeremy Clarkson decides to open a farm shop to sell his own produce. This sounds like it should be easy. It isn't. Jeremy goes to a local farm shop and spends 90 pounds on basic groceries. Jeremy decides to open his own. He picks a waste ground on his farm to build a barn. And the site is next to a caravan camping site which would supply customers. Jeremy brings in Alan, who has been his contractor for 25 yrs. Jeremy doesn't have any permissions yet, but starts the prep work anyways.
Meanwhile Jeremy is ecstatic at growing potatoes on his farm. Charlie tells Jeremy he could get 14 tonnes of potatoes from his 2 acres. Jeremy decides to sell that in the farm shop, which will take 6 weeks to build. To keep the potatoes from going bad, Charlie advises to remove the leaves so that potatoes stop growing and their skin firms up, which will keep them fresh for a longer time. Jeremy gets a topper from Kaleb to remove the leaves from his potatoes.
Jeremy learns that the springs on his farm were the water supply for the locals. But in 1972 the water board switched over to piped water, but the locals rejected it. So, Jeremy decides to bring back the spring water (In his farm shop) and gathers some samples for testing. Jeremy also decides to grow wasabi, as you can sell one plant for 52 pounds. wasabi requires a steady stream of water at exactly the right temperature and PH levels. Jeremy finds a stream, prepares a bed and plants 100 wasabi plants. Gerald is appointed head of security to protect the farm equipment being stored in the open. Gerald uses heavy chains and locks to secure the equipment.
Meanwhile the council rejects Jeremy's plan for a farm shop, as it risks damaging the village shops. On Charlie's advise, Jeremy prepares a business plan and submits it. He learns how to make a business plan in the process. The council grants permission. Building starts Rain arrives and turns the ground to mush. Meanwhile the potatoes and still in the ground and don't have too long. Alan thinks it will take 8 weeks after the weather clears, but the potatoes don't have 8 weeks.
Jeremy decides to harvest the potatoes, but he cant hire a machine as no one grows potatoes in the UK. Jeremy finds a old rust bucket, which Kaleb gets working. Kids help pick the potatoes from the ground. 16 tonnes are saved, which are stored in a cold, dark, barn. Jeremy decides to build a chicken farm and puts up chicken fence to keep the fox out. Driving the piles into the ground is very hard work and Jeremy struggles. eventually the fence is installed and Lisa installs the colorful hen houses. Jeremy buys 80 premium birds, but they take a bit of effort to get into the hen houses. Lisa gifts Jeremy the first egg. Water tests come through and 2 springs are fit for drinking. The spring feeding his cottage is full of feces.
The shop is not ready and the potatoes are starting to go bad. Jeremy tries to box the potatoes and sell them on the road. Jeremy also needs water and electricity from the caravan site and the caravan club is pissed with Jeremy as he has always berated the caravans. They agree in exchange for Jeremy shooting a promo video for their caravan club. Charlie delivers bad news that while the farm shop is on Jeremy's land, the access gate to it, belongs to another farmer and Jeremy can only use the gate for agricultural use. So, he can build the farm shop, but no customers could get to it. Jeremy speaks to the owners of the gate to get permission to use it for his farm shop. He gets it. Meanwhile the barn is complete, and the potatoes are rotting and the pheasants are eating the wasabi. Jeremy decides to open the farm shop in 2 days time, but the parking lot is still mush, there are no signs, no boxes for the vegetables or eggs and no one to bottle spring water. Jeremy has 7.1 MM twitter followers and tweets the grand opening there.
Jeremy installs a porta-loo. He gets 11 eggs from the chickens for the grand opening. The porta-loo blows over as it is a very windy spot. Charlie comes by and reels off a list of things that Jeremy and Lisa cant do inside the farm shop (coffee area, fire pit etc). The spring water arrives, but its a yellow bottle and looks like piss. The shop is open. Jeremy's tweets have attracted a crowd that queues for miles. Hordes arrives on foot. The car park turned into a quagmire. Kaleb used the tractor to tow cars out of it. At the end of the day they earn 175 pounds in cash + 900 pounds on credit cards. The next day the town council shuts the shop down as it has a tin roof instead of slate.
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