- Lauren: Being divorced is the best. You have nobody to answer to. Like tonight, after this, I'm gonna go home, I'm gonna take a bath, and eat a chunk of cheese like it's an apple.
- Connor: Maybe you're right. Maybe I need to eat more bath cheese and stop chasing some feeling that always seems to end up in sadness.
- Lauren: Now you're getting it. Feelings are for dummies.
- Tom: Huh... wow. That'll be interesting. At intermission, you're gonna be high as a kite.
- Marina: It's fine. I just took one.
- Tom: You took two.
- Marina: Oh, right. This thing says the dosage is... half a gummy? Why the hell would they do that? Oh, my God, that's why I can't feel my hands. Oh, crap. Can you feel my hands?
- Tom: Yes, I can feel your hands.
- Marina: Okay, then maybe we'll be okay.
- [abruptly exits as Tom follows]
- Connor: Hey. How are you guys doing?
- Marina: I'm high and I can't feel my hands.
- Connor: Great, sweet.
- Marina: Yeah, it's done. You worked hard. You wrote something great. So now you deserve to relax. We deserve to relax. So... I got us these.
- Tom: Um, we're not allowed to bring outside food into the theatre.
- Marina: They're pot gummies.
- Tom: [paniced] They're... pot?
- Marina: Relax, narc. It's legal now.
- Tom: On a state level, but federally, it's a mixed bag.
- Connor: [phone chimes, reads text] Well, Denise says, "Everything is under control." Although it is in all caps.
- Tom: Focus up. We can't let your boss see you like this.
- Marina: Well, that's why we should stand still.
- Tom: I told you, that's a myth. Steven Spielberg made it up for "Jurassic Park." And your boss is not a dinosaur.
- [Denise enters]
- Denise: Hey, have you seen Sarah? I thought she was backstage, but I can't find her.
- Tom: No, but that gives me an idea. Can you hide Marina backstage so her boss doesn't see her high?
- Denise: Oh, so we're both having a night.
- Tom: Oh, yeah.
- Denise: Well, where is she?
- Tom: She's...
- [slowly spins around]
- Tom: Not here.
- Denise: You lost your wife?
- Tom: You lost your wife!
- Denise: That's fair.
- Lauren: [Connor enters the lighting booth] Mr. Hayworth?
- Connor: Oh, Vice Principal Lauren. I was just, um... you mind if I watch in the booth?
- Lauren: Sure. Margot won't find you here.
- Connor: Oh, you saw that? Yeah, she gave me the key to her apartment.
- Lauren: There's a lot of those in the lost and found.
- Connor: I just needed a break from all these people.
- Lauren: I don't blame you. They're the worst.
- Connor: Shouldn't the vice principal at least, I don't know, pretend to like the parents?
- Lauren: You know what, that's actually... huh, that's a really good point.
- Connor: No problem.
- Lauren: No, I'm gonna take that with me. Thanks so much.
- [pause]
- Lauren: See, that was me pretending.
- Connor: Oh, wow.
- Lauren: Yep.
- Connor: I was convinced.
- Sarah: Nothing is gonna be a disaster as long as you get out on that stage very soon.
- Gretchen: But I'm really scared.
- Sarah: Okay.
- [turns to Denise]
- Sarah: Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. What am I gonna do?
- Denise: [perplexed] Aren't you a child therapist?
- Sarah: Yeah, and?
- [realization]
- Sarah: I am! Right, duh. So I'll just... yep. Okay.
- Tom: Richard, hi. Hi.
- [to Marina]
- Tom: Should we get back in there? Oh, do you hear that? I think it's starting.
- Richard: [flatly] I'm obviously excited to see the top half of Julia Child, but I'd like to hear Marina's response.
- Marina: Uh, okay. Well, Richard...
- [sighs]
- Marina: Like, what is property?
- Tom: [under his breath] Yikes.
- Marina: You know? Like, do we own it, or in a way, does it own us?
- Richard: That doesn't make much sense.
- Tom: Yeah, well, I think what she's trying to say is that...
- Tom, Marina: [interrupts Tom] Property is an abstract concept.
- Tom: [under his breath] No.
- Richard: I'm trying to follow you, but it's incredibly difficult.
- Marina: Fine. I'm super high.
- Tom: Marina...
- Marina: Yeah. I was supposed to relax tonight. Tom was supposed to relax. We were all supposed to relax, but we can't because we're all paranoid about you and your questions. Questions, questions...
- [snarling]
- Tom: [steps between Marina and Richard] Hey, hey. We're very sorry, okay? She would never be like this at work. You know that.
- Marina: [whimpers] The quest is on.
- Tom: She's a very serious person.
- Marina: Quest on!
- Richard: Marina...
- Marina: Hmmm.
- Richard: I'm gonna have to ask you to stop right there. Because I too am super high right now.
- Tom, Marina: [overlapping] Say what? What?
- Richard: I'm tripping balls. I ate two THC-enhanced sour straws. It's a 3 1/2 hour musical, Marina. That's unacceptable. I thought you would've known by the outrageous way I was acting.
- Tom, Marina: [overlapping] No, not really. No. This is how you always are, Richard.
- Richard: It's kind of you to lie like that. The only reason I was talking about work so much is, I was covering for how absolutely blazed I am right now. Just blitzed out of my skull. I'm higher than Jerry Garcia on the space shuttle. Nailed it.
- Tom: Right. Well, great.
- [chuckles]
- Tom: I can't believe you're both high.
- Richard: Don't be such a square, Tom.
- [Tom looks perplexed]
- Richard: Now, can you help me back to my seat? I can't feel my legs.
- Marina: I can't feel my hands.
- Tom: [herding Marina and Richard] Okay, well, let's get you guys back to your seats. Stick together. I don't want to lose anyone. Okay, that's enough food. Ooh, got you, buddy. Come on. This way.
- Marina: Okay, I'm taking your gummy too.
- Tom: You sure that's a good idea?
- Marina: It's fine. Worst case, I fall asleep.
- [whispering]
- Marina: Which is also best case.
- Richard: Marina!
- Marina: That's weird. It's already kicking in. I thought I just heard my boss.
- Richard: Marina! Marina!
- Marina: And now I think I'm seeing my boss.
- Tom: Wait, that's Robot Richard?
- Marina: Yep, he's utterly emotionless.
- Richard: [flatly] Marina, I thought that was you, and it was. What a pleasant surprise.
- Marina: [irritated] What are you doing here? I mean,
- [cheerfully]
- Marina: Richard, hi! What are you... what are you doing here?
- Richard: I have a niece in the show. She's playing Clara Barton, the founder of the Red Cross. As you can tell, I'm over the moon.
- Tom: [perplexed] Huh.
- Marina: Our niece is in the show too.
- Richard: What a funny coincidence, Marina. I'm very excited that we ran into each other.
- Tom: Are you?
- Richard: Don't I sound excited?
- Tom: Oh, no, yeah. No, very.