- Nostalgia Critic: So after that we see Audrey, as she comes across Mr. Tackanovahumpashirerickydickyhamstermaster-pollywollywannabingbangsupercalifragilistic-nickknackpaddywhackgiveadogabananafannafofrescahickorydickory-hocketypocketywockety-angelinafrancesca, the Third.
- Nick: It's Tatopoulos!
- Nostalgia Critic: Whatever.
- Nostalgia Critic: Remember in 1994 when "Stargate" came out? For those who don't, the build-up was incredible. All they showed was this magical gate that could teleport people to somewhere else. Where did they go? What did they find when they got there? You had to go see the movie to find out. Wow, I wonder what it could be? This is gonna keep me awake all night. I'm gonna see the movie right now just to find out.
- [screen says "One Screening Later..."]
- Nostalgia Critic: HOLY CRAP, was that stupid! So what? Aliens invented the pyramids? Are you nuts? Yeah, all those Egyptian morons with their brilliant, groundbreaking designs; they had nothing to do with it. It was just aliens. And the ruler of the known universe is that chick with the dick from "The Crying Game"? Blow me! That's the last time I ever watch a movie by these jokers again!
- [pause]
- Nostalgia Critic: Say, you remember in 1996 when "Independence Day" came out? It was done by the same idiots who did "Stargate", but look. All it showed in the advertising was the White House getting blown up. That's it. Nothing else. Whoa, how the hell does that happen? This movie must be good. I mean, sure they messed up with "Stargate", but maybe this'll be a good one. Besides, I just gotta know how the White House blows up. I'm gonna go check it out right now.
- [screen says "One Screening Later..."]
- Nostalgia Critic: SON OF A BITCH! This movie's even worse than the last one! So what? The President of the United States gets in a jet to fight off aliens? Are you high? God, that's it. I'm done. I am never watching another movie by these morons ever again!
- [pause]
- Nostalgia Critic: Ever!
- [the trailer to the 1998 "Godzilla" movie starts up, beginning with a man fishing over a dock in the rain. The title card reads "FROM THE CREATORS OF 'INDEPENDENCE DAY'"]
- Nostalgia Critic: Nope, nope. Not interested. Nope.
- [trailer continues; the man fishing catches something]
- Nostalgia Critic: No, no, I don't care, I don't care.
- [the fishing pole gets torn out of the fisherman's hand, and a huge bulge in the water appears. Critic looks on intently. The bulge moves toward the dock, flanked by something sticking out of the water on both sides, and ends up pushing through the fisherman's dock as he runs away. The trailer ends as the other fishermen look through a chain link fence at Godzilla's huge eye, and the title of the movie comes onscreen]
- Nostalgia Critic: GODDAMN IT! Curse my hunger for wanton destruction!
- Nostalgia Critic: All right, so even though the filmmakers made two horrible movies before, "Godzilla" hooked us all in with its clever advertising. How? Because they never showed the monster. You had to see the movie in order to see the monster. So advertisers thought up the brilliant strategy of describing the monster for us, like vehicles that said "His foot is as long as this bus." Or billboards that said "His head is as big as this sign." It was downright genius. All right, guys. So you suckered us in yet again. But please, please... can you TRY and give us a good movie this time? I mean, it's Godzilla! It can't be that difficult to make something that's just so unentertaining...
- [screen says "One Screening Later..."]
- Nostalgia Critic: ... oh, YOU SHITKNOCKERS! YOU DID IT! YOU ACTUALLY DID IT! You made "Godzilla" even less credible than it already was! Somebody give these douchebags an award for sucking... AAAAASS!