- Leonard Hofstadter: 210, and you throw in the Iron Man helmet.
- Stuart: Are you crazy? That helmet's signed by Robert Downey Jr.
- Leonard Hofstadter: So?
- Stuart: Okay, if you're gonna question the importance of an actor's signature on a plastic helmet from a movie based on a comic book, then all of our lives have no meaning!
- Howard Wolowitz: [after everyone cheers for him and his team design going to space] It gets better! Someone has to go up with the telescope as a payload specialist, and guess who that someone is!
- Sheldon Cooper: Mohammed Lee.
- [everyone's looking confused]
- Howard Wolowitz: Who's Mohammed Lee?
- Sheldon Cooper: Mohammed is the most common first name in the world, and Lee the most common surname. As I didn't know the answer, I thought that gave me a mathematical edge.
- Sheldon: At this moment our relationship exists in two mutually contradictory states. Until you either do not go or go to Wil Wheaton's party you are simultaneously my friend and not my friend. I am characterizing this phenomenon as 'Schroedinger's friendship'.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: I don't understand. What difference does it make if Leonard goes to Wil Wheaton's party?
- Penny: Well. Wil Wheaton is Sheldon's mortal enemy.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Mortal enemy?
- Penny: Mhm.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Sheldon, I knew you were a bit of a left-handed monkey wrench, but you really have a mortal enemy?
- Sheldon Cooper: In fact, I have 61 of them. Would you like to see the list?
- Penny: Oh, say no, say no, say no.
- Sheldon Cooper: You just got off the list, would you like back on it?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Okay, Sheldon, we're going to Wil's. This is your last chance!
- Sheldon Cooper: No, Leonard, this is your last chance. One day, a historian is going to come to you and say: "Is it true you were friends with Dr. Sheldon Cooper?" And you're going to have to choke back a hot sob of regret and humiliation as you mumble, "I was, but I chose to go to a party thrown by the one kid from 'Stand By Me' that no one remembers."
- Wil Wheaton: This is for you.
- Sheldon Cooper: An original mint in package Wesley Crusher action figure.
- Wil Wheaton: I remembered your story about how you went to a convention when you were a kid to get one signed and I didn't show up. Look at what I wrote.
- Sheldon Cooper: [reads] "To Sheldon. Sorry this took so long. Your friend, Wil Wheaton."
- Wil Wheaton: It's my last one and I want you to have it.
- Sheldon Cooper: [holds up action figure] Look, everyone! Wil Wheaton is my friend!
- [He gives Wil a hug; Brent Spiner enters and grabs the figure]
- Brent Spiner: Oh, wow. I haven't seen one of these in years.
- [Rips open the box]
- Brent Spiner: Remember how we used to make these things look like they were masturbating?
- Sheldon Cooper: Brent Spiner, what have you done? That was an original mint in package Wesley Crusher action figure signed by my close personal friend Wil Wheaton!
- Brent Spiner: I'm sorry, slim. I have some Mr. Data dolls in the truck of my car. Do you want me to sign one for you?
- Sheldon Cooper: You already signed something Brent Spiner... your name on my list. From this moment on, you are my mortal enemy!
- Wil Wheaton: Don't worry, it doesn't take up a whole lot of your time.
- Mrs. Wolowitz: [shouting from off-screen] Howard! Bernadette's here!
- Howard Wolowitz: [shouting back] Tell her I'm not home!
- Mrs. Wolowitz: What kind of a schmuck play is that? She can hear you shouting!
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: NASA doesn't have a shuttle anymore. How are you gonna get up there?
- Howard Wolowitz: Oh, it's really cool. You fly to Moscow, they take you to Kazakhstan. Then you get in a Russian Soyuz rocket which shoots you into a low earth orbit. Or it just sits on the launch pad because the Kazakhi mafia sold the rocket fuel on the black market, heh.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Are those Russian rockets safe?
- Howard Wolowitz: Safe as it can be when it was built by the folks who brought you Chernobyl.
- Wil Wheaton: Hey, Sheldon. Nice sword.
- Sheldon Cooper: It's from my sword collection. Do you have a sword collection?
- Wil Wheaton: No.
- Sheldon Cooper: I'm not surprised.
- Sheldon Cooper: If we were starting a sword collection, I would start with Excalibur. You could rule England with it.
- Leonard Hofstadter: It would be a plastic replica of a movie prop.
- Sheldon Cooper: You could rule a replica of England with it.
- Howard Wolowitz: You know, there's a saying we have at NASA: What makes the right stuff so right is that it always comes home.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Just stop talking, Howard!
- Howard Wolowitz: This isn't the reaction I expected when I told you I was gonna be an astronaut.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: What did you think was gonna happen?
- Howard Wolowitz: Honestly? Sex, heh... Do you realize what a big deal this is? What an honor it is to be chosen to go into space?
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Yeah, I get it. I just wish you included me in the decision. We're supposed to be partners. We're supposed to be a team.
- Howard Wolowitz: I'm sorry. You're right. Uh, okay, let's try this again. Bernadette, an opportunity has come up that impacts both of us and I'd like to discuss it... Heh, I've been offered a chance to go up to the International Space Station for three weeks. What are your thoughts on that?
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Well, first of all, thank you for including me in the decision making process.
- Howard Wolowitz: Hey, we're a team. Heh. So, what do you think?
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: No!
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Do you guys think it was a mistake? Am I the bad guy in this?
- Amy Farrah Fowler: It's not for us to judge. We're here to provide comfort and support while you come to grips with what a despicable thing you've done.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Oh, God, you're right. I took our love and threw it under his bus-sized mother.
- Stuart: [negotiating with Leonard and Sheldon for a sword] 225. That's my final offer.
- Sheldon Cooper: [to Leonard] Take it, take it, take it!
- Leonard Hofstadter: 200.
- Stuart: Man, you're killing me!
- Sheldon Cooper: Killing you? I can't breathe!
- Sheldon Cooper: Oh, damn! The floppy failed. Well, whoever was in charge of quality control of the Verbatim corporation in 1989, congratulations - you just made the list.
- Penny: Are you a hundred percent positive that you love and want to marry Howard Wolowitz?
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: I do. With all my heart.
- Penny: Got it. Just had to check.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: I had no choice! I had to tell his mother! He can't go to space! He's like a baby bird! Did you know he once got an asthma attack from reading an old library book?
- Amy Farrah Fowler: You're kidding.
- Penny: No, I was there that day. Sheldon threw his back out handing him that book.
- Wil Wheaton: Hey, I'm having a party at my house on Friday and I was hoping you'd stop by?
- Stuart: Will there be girls there?
- Wil Wheaton: Yeah. Of course.
- Stuart: Because there wasn't last time.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Will you stop with the Schrödinger stuff?
- Sheldon: Would you prefer a simpler application of Heisenberg's uncertainty principle? In which I could either know where you are, or whether I like you, but not both?
- Leonard Hofstadter: You never stop talking, do you?
- Amy Farrah Fowler: I don't understand, what difference does it make if Leonard goes to Wil Wheaton's party?
- Penny: Wil Wheaton is Sheldon's mortal enemy.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Sheldon, I know you're a bit of a left-handed monkey wrench but you really have a mortal enemy?
- Sheldon: In fact, I have 61 of them. Would you like to see the list?
- Penny: Oh, say no, say no, say no, say no.
- Sheldon: [to Penny] You just got off the list. Would you like back on it?
- Leonard Hofstadter: You actually asked Bernadette to leave your house in the middle if the night?
- Howard Wolowitz: What choice did I have? She went behind my back and turned my own mother against me.
- Raj Koothrappali: Wow, you're not only our first astronaut, you're also the first one of us to kick a girl out of bed.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Howard?
- Howard Wolowitz: Change you mind about sex? I'm still mad, but I'll do it.