- Johan 'Joe' Johnson (Njörðr): Yeah, well, better get back.
- Mike Johnson: I haven't seen you for fifteen years and that's all you've got to say?
- Johan 'Joe' Johnson (Njörðr): Can we talk in the morning?
- Mike Johnson: Will you be here in the morning?
- Johan 'Joe' Johnson (Njörðr): Cut the soldiers nice and thin, just how you like them.
- Mike Johnson: When I was eight.
- Axl Johnson: Zeb, I had no idea Amelia was coming round - when you asked me to go to the dairy.
- Zeb: Well, as the leaseholder of a flat in need of a PAYING flatmate, I took it upon myself to show our prospective new flatmate the flat - in the best possible light.
- Mike Johnson: Your father's looking forward to talking to you. This might not be such a bad party after all.
- Mike Johnson: A nautical theme, of course.
- Karen: But your costume is also fine.
- Mike Johnson: I'm not in costume.
- Karen: Put your tool-belt on.
- Mike Johnson: Karen, dressing up as a builder is not a costume. It's what I do - unless you'd like me to dress up like a flash lawyer?
- Karen: Now, why would I want you to do that? That wouldn't be you at all? Put your belt on.
- Johan 'Joe' Johnson (Njörðr): I'd just like to say, here and now, how pleased I am that you fellas have stuck by each other all this time. That's so rare in our kind.
- Anders Johnson: Well, maybe the fuck-off-and-abandon-your-family gene skips a generation.
- Olaf Johnson: Now, go and make peace with your father.
- Mike Johnson: What?
- Ty Johnson: Why?
- Olaf Johnson: Because he's your father.
- Anders Johnson: But he's a knob.
- Olaf Johnson: ...Who is your father.
- Mike Johnson: Are YOU gonna make peace with him?
- Olaf Johnson: He's my son. I don't have to. Sons must always make peace with the father. He must come to me, just as you must go to him.
- Johan 'Joe' Johnson (Njörðr): You're doin' a good job.
- Mike Johnson: At turning sausages?
- Johan 'Joe' Johnson (Njörðr): Uh-uh, the boys. You're a much better father than I ever was.
- Mike Johnson: The bar wasn't set very high, was it?
- Axl Johnson: Ugh, who invited that turd?
- Colin Gunderson: Yeah, I heard that, Axl Johnson.
- Axl Johnson: Like I care!
- Axl Johnson: Dude, I need to tell you something. I shoulda told you a long time ago but... you need to know now: Amelia only ever hung out with you to get to me. She doesn't give a shit about you at all.
- Zeb: Course she cares about me. We were the three Musketeers.
- Axl Johnson: Oh, Zeb...
- Zeb: [pulled from the sofa] Whoa! Whoa! What're you...
- Axl Johnson: Wake... up! She is a fruit-bat and a user and she'll never, ever sleep with you in a million years. You need to know this because it is just embarrassing watching her use you as her doormat!
- Zeb: Nah. Nah, nah, nah, you've always had it in for her because she liked me more than you, because I am decent and human towards her!
- Axl Johnson: Yeah, and in return she treats you as her little monkey boy! When you realize what an insane, grade-A psycho you've invited into our home, call me.
- Zeb: "Our" home? It's in MY name, dude! Get out of MY flat!
- Olaf Johnson: You, Dances with Dudes, you are out and you know it. Go keep wicket.
- Ty Johnson: What?
- Olaf Johnson: Don't whine. The Kraken's decision is final.