- Louise Belcher: You know a lot about Bat Mitzvahs for someone that thought Chanukah was Han Solo and Chewbacca's baby.
- Tammy: It's been almost two hours. No one even notices that I'm not there.
- Louise Belcher: Wow. This is like a reverse "It's a Wonderful Life." You get to see how much better off everyone is without you shrieking at them.
- Louise Belcher: For my Bat Mitzvah, I just want a gift certificate.
- Bob Belcher: Louise, you're not getting a Bat Mitzvah.
- Louise Belcher: I know because I'm getting a gift certificate.
- Bob Belcher: [When Bob refuses to cater for Tammy's bat mitzvah] No way.
- Tina Belcher: Dad, you have to!
- Bob Belcher: No, I don't, Tina. I... I don't like catering. You guys always wander off and leave me with all the work.
- Tina Belcher: Dad, this is the only way I get to go to Tammy's Bat Mitzvah!
- Bob Belcher: Tina, this isn't going to Tammy's Bat Mitzvah. It's working at it. Won't it be awkward for you with all your friends there as guests?
- Tina Belcher: You don't understand! This is my way in! She's having B-FOS from all around the world!
- [flops down on the seats]
- Linda Belcher: [as she's comforting Tina] All right, calm down. That's it. Get all the blood to your head. Let it flow.
- Bob Belcher: Does it really mean that much to you?
- Tina Belcher: [sits up with her face all red] Yes! Look at my face!
- Bob Belcher: Oh, my God.
- Gene Belcher: Aah! One luftballon!
- Louise Belcher: [to Tammy] The headset's clogged.
- Tammy: Um, who cares about that right now?
- Louise Belcher: You should, Tammy because the headset was our only way of communicating with the outside world. Now I'm gonna die in here and they're gonna find my bones in your head. This wasn't the head I wanted them to find my bones in!
- Tammy: [to Bob] Hello? The toothpicks? That was almost a major disaster.
- Bob Belcher: Uh, you're kind of exaggerating, Tammy.
- Tammy: I'm exaggerating?
- Bob Belcher: Yeah, I think so. A little bit.
- Tammy: That is literally the stupidest thing that anyone has ever said in the history of mankind... ever!
- Bob Belcher: You're having a hard day, I think.
- Tammy: I'm having the best day of my life. It's my Bat Mitzvah.
- Bob Belcher: You're a wonderful little girl.
- Linda Belcher: Bobby, I'm getting light-headed, I need some air.
- Bob Belcher: Lin, you're not light-headed. You want a crepe. You've been saying crepe under your breath for ten minutes.
- Linda Belcher: What?
- [under her breath]
- Linda Belcher: Crepe. There's crepes here?
- [under her breath]
- Linda Belcher: Crepe.
- Bob Belcher: Gene, look at me. You and I both know your mom's not coming back after just one crepe. She's not gonna stop, Gene. She's never gonna stop. It's who she is.
- Gene Belcher: If she stops, she'll die. Like a crepe shark.
- Bob Belcher: Gene?
- Gene Belcher: Yes.
- Bob Belcher: We need to stick together. I'm gonna grill and you're gonna plate.
- Gene Belcher: Dad, I never realized how soulful your eyes are.