- Natasha Leggero: Justin's followers are called Beliebers, because these days it's politically incorrect to use the word "retard".
- Shaquille O'Neal: Reportedly, his net worth is over $200 million dollars. And in prison, about four cartons of Kool's.
- Himself - Roaster: Come on, let's hear it for Shaq, right? Thanks for being here and taking a break from throwing barrels at Super Mario. Please don't eat me.
- Himself - Roaster: Justin, you know, I lost my dad on 9/11, and I always regretted growing up without a dad... until I met your dad, Justin. Now I'm glad mine's dead.
- Shaquille O'Neal: Look at all these scrubs on the stage. Chris D'Elia, Hannibal, Natasha, Pete Davidson, Jeff Ross - I haven't seen a more disappointing lineup since the last Lakers game.
- Himself - Roaster: The only person that's inhaled more smoke than Snoop is Pete Davidson's dad inside the World Trade Center.
- Himself - Roaster: Justin's life changed when Usher heard one of his songs and liked it, which only goes to prove that Usher ain't black.
- Himself - Roaster: It's amazing to have Kevin Hart and Shaq here. Is this a roast or is this Tyler Perry's Of Mice and Men?
- Himself - Roast Master: I'm asking you to Beliebe in a man with the voice of Stevie Wonder... and the driving skills of Stevie Wonder.
- Natasha Leggero: There is a lot of star power up here. These men combined have made millions in child support payments.
- Himself - Roaster: Shaq is a police officer in Florida. If you want to escape from Shaq, just jog slowly away from him, and he'll fall eventually.