- Whole Foods Cashier: Okay, your total is thirty-seven eighty-five. Would you like to give a dollar to help put a hamster through college?
- Randy Marsh: What? Did you not hear anything I just said? I'm-I'm doing all this stuff!
- Whole Foods Cashier: Not a problem, sir, if you could just press the 'NO' button and tell the little hamster he's not going to college.
- [pulling out a small and scared-looking hamster]
- Whole Foods Cashier: Just look him right in the eye, sir, and tell him: 'Not today, buddy'.
- Reality: What a lovely charity event. I suppose you're all feeling pretty good about yourselves. What have you done? You've raised $300 by spending half a million on filet mignon and crystal glasses. Look at you, Vin Dipship! You say fat-shaming is wrong, so in response you show off your abs. You're the one fat-shaming, you idiot! What's the matter with you people? You're sad that people are mean? Well I'm sorry. The world isn't one big liberal arts college campus. We eat too much. We take our spoiled lives for granted. Feel a little bad about it sometimes. Now, you want to put all your shit up on the internet and have every person say "hooray" for you. Fuck you! You're all pricks!