Letterkenny (TV Series)

The Native Flu (2016)

Jacob Tierney: Glen

Quotes 

• Wayne : Now, everybody listen up 'cause I'm only gonna say this once, we never talk about it again. You understand? We all lay off the Ginger and Boots now. Because the Ginger and Boots did not fuck an ostrich.

  Reilly : Yeah, I heard they fucked two ostriches.

  Dan : Allegedly.

  Wayne : Folks'll say that it takes two people to fuck an ostrich.

  Daryl : Three even.

  Wayne : Folks are also saying that it was a sick ostrich.

  Dan : Allegedly.

  Wayne : Now, I went on the internet and researched ostriches. Firstly, ostriches can run up to seventy miles an hour. So catching one, even a sick one, is a super tall order.

  Daryl : Yeah, but there were two of them.

  Wayne : Secondly, when a male ostrich, it's called a cock, fights over a female ostrich, it's called a hen, they're known to kill each other by head butting.

  Reilly : Probably should wear hockey helmets.

  Jonesy : Hockey helmets, buddy.

  Dan : Well, they'd need a race car helmet, likely.

  Wayne : Finally, ostriches use their legs to defend from predators. And can use them to kill even their largest and most deadly enemies, which are fuckin' lions.

  Daryl : That's the king of the jungle.

  Dan : Still just a cat.

  Wayne : So you'll see, there is no way the Ginger and Boots could have fucked an ostrich.

  Daryl : Maybe they tranqed the ostrich.

  Dan : Like they roofied the ostrich?

  Wayne : You wanna know what? You should feel bad for even suggesting the Ginger and Boots fucked an ostrich. Bad gas travels real fast in a small town. My research concludes that the only way the Ginger and Boots could have fucked an ostrich is if it was a dead ostrich.

  Glen : [riding by on a bike]  Ginger and Boots

  [honks horn] 

  Glen : a dead ostrich? I thought it was just sick! Oh my!

  [on his phone] 

  Glen : Ginny? The Ginger and Boots effed a dead ostrich!

  Wayne : Oh, bother.