- Galina 'Red' Reznikov: What is that stuff they use in the movies to make the spies weak and talky?
- Lorna Morello: Breasts.
- Gloria Mendoza: I need furlough.
- Joe Caputo: Please, don't make me laugh. I don't want to breathe any harder than I have to.
- 14 Year Old Dayanara: Puerto Rican guys don't like rubbers.
- Claire: Well, according to my sister, neither do the Irish, the Italians, plain white dudes, black dudes, French dudes, Koreans...
- 14 Year Old Dayanara: Your sister real slutty?
- Claire: Nah. She works at the free clinic.
- Galina 'Red' Reznikov: [about Piscatella] It's him. But it's not him.
- Blanca Flores: Oh! It's like Chewbacca without hair.
- Galina 'Red' Reznikov: The man is the size of a refrigerator. He'll never fit through that hole.
- Blanca Flores: That's what she said.
- Marisol 'Flaca' Gonzales: This is so sad.
- Maritza Ramos: I know. It's like when Van Gogh cut off his ear.
- Marisol 'Flaca' Gonzales: How is it anything like that?
- Maritza Ramos: I don't know, it's the only sad artist story I know.