- Captain Ray Holt: The first time I met Kevin's parents, I called Brahm's "Funf Gesange" opus 106... when it is, obviously, opus 104. They haven't spoken to me since.
- Jake Peralta: Really? Just for that?
- Captain Ray Holt: Yes, also because they're huge homophobes who think that I made Kevin gay with my magic genitalia.
- Terry Jeffords: [about his plan to win over Amy's dad] Wow, you are really pulling this off.
- Jake Peralta: I know, all this research is actually gonna work. Should I prepare for things all the time?
- Terry Jeffords: Yeah.
- Jake Peralta: [Doesn't pay him any attention] Nah, that's crazy.
- Victor Santiago: You're not good enough for my Amy. I don't want my only daughter dating a screw-up.
- Jake Peralta: Oh, yeah? Well, I don't want my only girlfriend daughtering a jerk-dad. Burn on you.
- Amy Santiago: Don't be late or I'll slit your throats. Heh, heh, heh.
- Rosa Diaz: You don't have to fake laugh, we know you mean it.
- Amy Santiago: Good.
- Rosa Diaz: Boyle, your turkey's here.
- Charles Boyle: [Appears dressed in a plastic suit, sharpening a butcher's knife with an ax] All right, let's do this. Pretty cool, huh? I feel like Dexter. I think. I never actually saw the show. Billboard gave me nightmares.