- Conan O'Brien: We're going to your favorite restaurant. Is that right?
- Jordan Schlansky: Yes.
- Conan O'Brien: We came here, because Jordan pretty much explicitly said he's a big deal in this restaurant.
- Jordan Schlansky: I'm not concerned with being a big deal, I'm concerned with having a good meal. It's not all about rank; you have this insecurity about you, you project onto others. I don't care if I'm a big deal, a little deal, a medium deal, a neutral deal. I just wanna go eat a good meal.
- Conan O'Brien: [amused] I don't know who you are!
- Jordan Schlansky: How many people do I need to know to eat a meal here?
- Conan O'Brien: Are you on cocaine?
- Jordan Schlansky: How many people do YOU know?
- Conan O'Brien: Are you on cocaine right now?
- Jordan Schlansky: Of all your facial widths over the years, 2002, you were gross. If I look at a show from 2002, it's almost like... it looks like you were digitally manipulated,
- [Conan almost spits out his wine]
- Jordan Schlansky: like you were a skinny guy playing a fat guy in the movie, and they digitally... you look great NOW, I'm just saying, in 2002, you were disgusting.
- [Conan laughs]
- Jordan Schlansky: Just look at the tape. Just look at the tapes.