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Reviews
A.I. Artificial Intelligence (2001)
A Ponderous Pile Of Hooey
This is one of the most depressing, overblown films I've ever seen. Two and a half unrelenting hours of some robot looking for mummy love. Spielberg has lost his way. The days of "Jaws" and "Indiana Jones" are truly over. I think he should stick to producing now, rather than push this expensive crap on an unsuspecting public. What have we learnt from this film? Have we been entertained? Have we been moved? Did we cry? Did we laugh? I don't think so. I never felt so embarrassed for the actors having to participate in this phony, hokey rubbish.
The Story of Us (1999)
Did the writers see Stanley Donen's"Two For The Road"?
If so, this is a weak remake. Some of the scenes were funny, but for sheer brilliance in same story, see Audrey Hepburn and Albert Finney in "Two For The Road". Then you'll see the difference between a great film maker and Rob Reiner, who'd be great directing sitcoms. "Two For The Road" packed so much more wallop, with infinitely fewer words. Great movies happen when images replace words. "The Story Of Us" was verbal diarrohea. Is Michelle Pfieffer becoming a little strident?
La vita è bella (1997)
I'm afraid Elton John was right - this is utter rubbish
People, especially Oscar voters, tend to confuse "noble" subjects with good movie making and depth of thought. If Roberto Benigni had to do time in Dachau, he would have his terminal cuteness slapped out of him in very short order. Oliver & Hardy destroyed pompous people's property - this was funny. Beningni's character destroys his best friend's car and his beloved uncle's business - this is nasty and not cute, Roberto. Finally there's a backlash against Benigni in the Italian press. Grow up, Roberto, they say. I was horrified at his preposterous behaviour on American talk shows - people bought this cute schtick? This was an ambitious, calculating, cynical comedian groping for an Oscar on the coat tails of the Holocaust. There's no business like Shoah business. As for the film? Benigni would have been shot within 2 hours of arriving at a concentration camp. End of film.
Message in a Bottle (1999)
Another Sunlight Caressing Kevin Costner's Hair Movie
as opposed to Sunlight Caressing Robert Redford's Hair Movie. That much vanity in a male actor is downright ridiculous. And how did I notice all this? No story, just Costner puffing his ego in every frame. A boring actor in a boring film. As John Huston put it, when auditioning a young Costner: "Get that noodle out of here!"
Barry Lyndon (1975)
BBC TV Makes Better Period Pieces Than This
I revisited "Barry Lyndon" after 25 years and found 3 hrs of pretty pictures and wooden characters - not one involving personality. 25 years ago I probably thought this was "art" - now it's boring crap , it's safe to say, since the wretched auteur theory was debunked. Film historians have recently discovered screenwriters and are dragging out elderly scribes for that "last" interview about the Golden Age of Hollywood. Hitchcock actually used screenwriters, can you imagine? BBC actually does Thackeray better, because TV is character driven.
The Distinguished Gentleman (1992)
Begins Like A Sharp Political Satire As Good As An Ealing Comedy...
then falls apart half way through. A charming con artist goes to Congress - this part is hysterical, reminds me of "I'm Alright, Jack". Then has change of heart and decides to do good. Comedies stay funny, when protagonist stays stupid and learns nothing.
The Opposite of Sex (1998)
Funny Dialogue But Can't Root For Characters
You can't send up a send up - the first 15 mins is really funny and moves at great pace. Then complications upon complications arise and the whole thing becomes implausible and I couldn't care anymore. Lisa Kudrow is really good.
The Portrait of a Lady (1996)
Henry James Has Nothing To Tell Us, But Barbara Hershey Does.
Nicole Kidman is a disaffected American, who doesn't know what she wants. At the end of the film, she still doesn't know what she wants, so what have we learned? To avoid Henry James. I was ready to yank this one out, when Barbara Hershey stepped in - wow, she made the film come to life - I had no idea she was this great, I mean really superb. She made the film worthwhile.
Mary Shelley's Frankenstein (1994)
Branagh Irks Me, Frankenstein Bores Me, But I Love This Movie
Branagh strikes me as a brilliant jackass, so this a great film to hate him in - he plays a brilliant jackass. It's really absorbing, though. Never took a toilet break once. Can't tell if DeNiro was really good or just absurd, but I loved him.
City of Angels (1998)
Absolute Drek
Half an hour of this meandering, pretentious drek was all I could take. I've had enough of the Nicholas Cage Strangled Whisper School Of Acting, with the hound dog expression. And the Meg "I'm Cute And I Know It" Ryan shtick is just that. And what the hell was with those trying-to-be-cool "angels" in expensive, trendy black raincoats posing in arranged groups on the beach? People actually liked this movie? I had to stop the VCR, because re-runs of Hee Haw were on. Did I miss anything?
Jackie Brown (1997)
Sluggish
I lost interest after 1 1/2 hours.It dragged, and this being Tarantino & Elmore Leonard, I waited patiently to no avail, while enjoying Pam Grier. Robert De Niro comes from The Downturned Mouth School Of Acting. And what's with Samuel Jackson's grotesque wig? "Get Shorty", another Elmore Leonard story, snapped, crackled & popped - it was fun from frame one and it had no payoff either, but who cares? It was delicious all the way - saw it three times. Tarantino writes the best dialogue, but apparently not here - why try to improve on Elmore Leonard?
Amistad (1997)
Well Intentioned But Dreary
Did Spielberg phone this one in? With the exception of the opening sequence, the camera just sits there, while the noble characters drone on. Spielberg is the most dynamic modern director. "Amistad" looks like a movie he thought he should make, "Schindler's List" was a movie he really wanted to make & it shows.