Reviews

OK. First of all the plot summary listed here about fbi agents and a serial killer is completely inaccurate. The story here is about some chick coming to this weird hotel to try and find her missing grandma..uh huh. Any-who grandma was the only survivor of a child cult that burned themselves and,and...yawn. I am a fan of the Children of the Corn movies , I find them silly fun with all that "He who walks behind the rows" talk, but you can add this to the terrible list along with "Urban Harvest" (pt.3) and "The Gathering" (pt.4). First off it is a must that these movies be set in corn fields! not a hotel with a patch of corn along the edge! Also this movie is only 82 mins long and it uses about all those minutes to establish that something weird is going on, that these freaky mute kids running around are not right in the head.. well DUH! And Wow was the lead chick dumb in this, even at the end of the movie I still don't think she had a clue about anything. This film lacks the cheese of part 2, the fun of part 5 and the art of part 6. It also lacks a hell of a lot more, but I ain't got that much time. I hope this series lives forever, so I better submit my script for part 8! If this one didn't kill it for good. One star out of Four

I watched this on DVD and the transfer is incredible, there really is some beautiful photography here and it looks 1000 times better than the vhs. I bought this hoping for a campy delight, what I got was a really slow moving flick with pert nary a strand of a story to follow. This thing needed to pick up the pace picante sauce and throw in something at least halfway intelligent to keep the viewers interest. This film has a lot going for it but nothing ever clicks. Anton Levay devil man advisor or whatever apparently knows less about satan than the black circle boys, that is to say I learned nothing about satanism and nobody else watching would either. Even when Borgnine sprouts a pair of horns it wasn't even funny in a cheesy way, it was just boring as hell. John Travolta is in the flick, at least that's what the box says! He is but he isn't for all intense purposes.. know wut i mean vern? Is the ending shocking or good? Um no. Keep luvin horror! Two stars out of Four

This is the most gloriously contrived flick I have ever seen. Dennis Hopper's character and his actions are laugh out loud funny. Man this is a so bad it is good flick in the truest sense. Hopper's inner monologues and Madsen's bad guy mugging for the camera make this silly, silly movie so much fun. Sit back and laugh at this laughable movie. Fun stuff!

This is a dang good flick to be as unheard of as it is. It is AS good as Cherry Falls and that is a very well known flick around the horror circuit. It has a lot of slasher flick cliches, but being a slash lover, I love slasher flick cliches! Killer P.O.V , young lovers parked and getting it on, a killer with a hook. All of this is done very stylishly with an interesting young cast and one very funny cheese scene in a bathroom stall that is laugh out loud funny to grizzled slasher burnouts like myself. I predict this film will one day find a cult audience. Finding a slash diamond in the rough is dang near impossible these days, I know I have hunted every obscure horror flick I can find and most even the cult ones disappoint, with a few exceptions i.e. the burning, black christmas, my bloody valentine, house on sorority row-- those films are cool hunt them down if you can! Now lets all go down to the XXX Root Beer Stand!!! Four stars out of four.

This is a real Dutch treat for horror fans.. not. I bought this film after reading some internet hype about it. The only cool thing about this movie is the little frozen fertility dude, and even then you only get to see him briefly. The black professor and his father really suck and the dad is especially stupid and unfunny. The seven bros story is made weak by a script that feels only half complete. The most glaring weakness that shows that they needed filler material is a long retarded scene about finding a file in a hospital. Stay away from the horror genre you crazy dutch ! Just kidding man, but seriously some good ideas get drowned in bad acting, filler material.. the result is a long mentos commercial of pure sucktitude. This is a really bad, really slow, really boring flick. I love horror and I know my horror from cult to cheese to giallo to the elite films and this movie blows. One star out of Four.

This is the ultimate party movie, take a drink every time they mention the caretaker. Well don't actually or you will die. What great cheese this movie has, kids paranoid as hell and a satan worshipper/ stand-up comedian/ psycho cop. Watch for the 666 shot of the hand it will leave you in stitches. This movie has the stupidest teens ever and some of the worst 80's fashion. Want laughably bad horror and acting here ya go. Officer Joe Vickers you suck and yet your really cool! These kids also talk about beer along with the caretaker constantly and the beer looks like canada dry. So bad it's good is not always a lie.

You want the bottom line on this movie? Ok here it is. It is mediocre. That was its aim apparently. For a while it is pretty cool, it does all the standard horror cliches with humor and style. It keeps you guessing about the identity of the killer in a fun restrained way. It cleverly throws red herrings out there and then laughs at you for taking the bait, although sometimes the tricks are heavily contrived. But then well it reveals its killer. The killer is certainly not a surprise but it is the person you were praying it would not be. As soon as you see this person you will be saying to yourself "God don't let it be them because that would just be ****ing stupid! The movie had a smart premise and was rolling along just fine until then. Also being a cable movie the virgin issue was not as raucous or fun as it could have been, in fact very little was done with that in a creative way. I think the screenplay writer simply ran out of ideas and said yea lets just make the killer this person and slap on the old patent ending. A poor man's "Scream" is the result.

"Out in Fifty" stars Mickey Rourke as a grizzled burnout bent on revenge. The story is pure stupidity something about a guy killing a girl on a bed, but who cares right? The main guy is pretty cool but his friend who gets him a job supplies the humor. Remember Mickey in Barfly? He rocked ! Here he is just classic tough guy funny. Watch it for GRIZZLED BURNT- OUTNESS !

There is only one way I would voluntarily go to a theater to watch a Jackie Chan film, and that is if my favorite actor Owen Wilson stars in it. So when I found out he was in `Shanghai Noon,' I was there. The film is funny and successful because of Wilson, who sadly isn't known by most movie goers. Wilson is multi-talented and here pitches in to breathe fun and life into a wacky style of film that Chan will never escape. Chan is enjoyable here but left on his own, he only knows two things--how to play the fish out of water, and how to do inventive fighting. That gets tiresome after a while, while the smart tone and charm of Wilson never does.

The action in `Shanghai Noon' is self-aware with subtle inventiveness, in other words the complete opposite of the awful Mission Impossible 2. Chan and Wilson are good together because they both know their strengths and know not to try and upstage the other. Without Wilson this movie wouldn't work though. If audiences wise up one day you'll be going to an Owen Wilson picture, not a Jackie Chan one. Three and a half stars.

It may be incorrect to call `Titan A.E.' a cartoon, but it is certainly as thin as one. For all the advance billing this movie received, it has a surprising lack of inventiveness. The movie is filled with things we have all seen before or that are so similar that a slight variation adds nothing. The depth of the story is on the level of a `Pokemon' movie and the characters are stock, uninteresting, and unlikely to be remembered. The movie, however, is too mediocre to garner either our praise or scorn, in other words it's cartoonish.

I had a hard time concentrating because so much of `Titan A.E.' is mindless action. Often when major plot points had occurred I found that I had missed them, having spaced out. I wasn't impressed with the special effects either and when the movie ended everything felt so incomplete-- there was a lack of struggle, lack of journey, an absence of development.

The Batman cartoon series is one that has impressed me, but `Titan A.E.' doesn't have the smarts of the Batman series. Animation may well be the wave of the future in the movies, but judging from `Titan A.E.' it's no closer than Wile E. Coyote is to catching the roadrunner. Two stars.

Breakfast of Champions `In a world gone mad you can trust Dwayne Hoover.' This movie will only appeal to a small percentage of people, so beware but I liked it. Bruce Willis delivers another strong performance in this wacky version of Kurt Vonnegut's novel of the same name. A delightfully insane little film that confronts a theme similar to the one found in `American Beauty,' but does a better job of getting its message across. Three stars