Reviews

In general, I prefer horror movies that creep me out so much I'm afraid of everything for the next day or so, not the ones where people act stupid and get killed by an indestructible monster. This is one of those movies. The chupacabra of legend is a dog-faced lizard-skin greenish-gray monster that hops like a kangaroo, has fangs and claws, has a row of sharp spines sticking out from its back, and sucks the blood of livestock. As in many horror movies, good and bad, this movie takes liberty with the legend. It not only attacks humans, but it eats their intestines and has a bulletproof, nearly indestructible constitution. So tell me, how can a hypodermic needle penetrate its skin when bullets can't? And why, when the marines figure out that armor-piercing bullets can hurt it, do they split up so the chupacabra can pick them off one by one? John Rhys-Davies gives a performance that rises above the bad movie, and Chelan Simmons and Dylan Neal deserve credit for their performances, too. Otherwise, the rest of the acting was poor to bad, just like the rest of the movie. My rating is based on Rhys-Davies, Simmons and Neal.

This review has major spoilers, and I don't feel bad about because this movie was just plain bad. The stars of reality TV are out to prove that they can produce and star in a movie, and they wind up proving that they're bad actors. Not that the bad premise helps at all, and several elements of the plot are just ridiculous. A woman catches her neglected boyfriend cheating on her with her best friend, they all have a fight, and the woman winds up in a coma. The producers and director decide to hide the coma, and lead us to believe this woman is dead, for what reason I don't know. If they wanted to obscure the past, why start the movie with the fight? Why not leave out the first 15-20 minutes, and reveal the past as the movie progresses? 17 months later, the spirit of this girlfriend kills any tenant of the house whenever they cheat on their lovers. Why she kills these people first and not her boyfriend and her best friend is a good question. The incredible supernatural strength she displays in her killings should mean that she can easily kill who she wants. The worst scene is when a couple tell each other about their infidelities, and a lava lamp explodes, its contents burning the two until they're nothing but ashes. But what hurts this movie even more is the subpar acting. It's like a bunch of friends making a home video; it's meaningful to the people involved, but the rest of us don't want to see it. Back to your day jobs, reality stars.