Reviews

The following may contain a FEW 'spoilers' but I think it's a general description of the movie, not spoiling the story of the movie itself.

OK, so the plot's basically 'Alien Nation' meets 'Saving Private Ryan!' (if you're not old enough to remember the first, it's basically a bunch of aliens who lose their planet and come down to share ours and the prejudice that causes.) But the pacing's great, I was gripped for all two hours of it, I didn't want it one bit shorter. I loved the seamless transition between small-town life and full-on war movie, that was handled excellently. I loved how the characters were developed so fast without it feeling rushed or implausible - I could really see that situation bringing out those traits in people. And I felt I was getting a close-up of one arena of a whole, vast conflict, not just a 'war' happening in microcosm that should have been easily squashed by groups from outside the area. It felt like it was part of an Earth-wide conflict!

But where this movie roared was in the heart and belief everyone put into it. The whole cast were totally behind the director on this one, it's his second movie, the work of all lifted it into something that should have been released internationally. OK, 200 million dollar Hollywood movie it was not, but it had more heart than many of those I've seen. It totally deserved to be out there, to show what this guy can do given a sniff of a chance.

Me, if I won several lotteries(!), I'd give him double the budget to take the follow-up Out There, humans and aliens in space together, using alien technology to see other worlds for the first time. See what the other races make of Humans, the new kids on the block, what we learn from them and what, if anything, they learn from us. Most alien invasion movies lead full circle with Earth killing all the aliens and going back to exactly how we always are afterwards. I've a feeling this movie could lead to a franchise/TV series (as did Alien Nation) and show what co-operation between species can achieve.

I loved it (And the sound-track, which others gripe about, but then I love New Age music which it basically was!) And I'm looking forwards very much to the next one.

Thanks, Luke, for a lovely 2 hours.

Chris. (This MAYBE contained spoilers, I'm going to tick 'Yes', you're welcome to change it, moderators!)

Basically, this film's a Far Right fanboy's dream, it's about as racist and nasty as a movie can get.

First off, you watch a poor fairy being splatted. OK it's attacking a light like a moth, but why's that a reason to kill it (heck, why's that a reason to kill a moth?) There's no other reason for the fairy being there than to show how 'badass' Will Smith is by killing the poor thing. The first time I watched this movie, I turned it off at that point.

Then my online g/f made me watch it with her. Boy! Everyone hated the orcs - why? Because they were Orcs, of course, and that's what you do with Orcs, you shove them in a ghetto and hate on them (they were thinly disguised coloured people anyway, so that made it OK to hate on coloured people just because they're not white.) Then the human (Will, but I'm gonna call him The Human!) was DEFINITELY the slave owner, the orc was DEFINITELY the slave, don't let Will being coloured confuse you, he was as much a white slaver as you can get. And the Orc was as much of a subservient caricature of a coloured guy as you can get. Great writing. Not.

So this movie was about 2 cops who were forced together by circumstances but really hated eachother's guts, spent the movie trying to find excuses to betray eachother so each could get the other off his back. If the orc betrayed the human he'd prove himself to his own kind. If the human killed the orc he'd be a hero to the other cops. The only reason the human didn't kill the orc was because the orc understood a bit about magic and when the wand turned up, the human needed the orc alive, even though he hated him.

Then you get the huge plot hole of the Wand Itself. Three cops want it to give themselves power. A 'hood guy in a wheelchair wants it to magic himself able to walk again BUT.... only a Bright can handle it without blowing themselves up. That's hammered home to you. And none of the people who wanted it had any idea if they were Brights or not, prob. not, Brights are pretty rare creatures. So why not chuck'em the wand, let them blow themselves up by touching it, pick the wand back up out of the ashes (you can obviously touch it because you're not blown up!) and carry onto the next scene?

When the escaped Bright turned up, the human tried to kill the Orc for not turning her in, but needed her alive because she could use the Wand. The Human and the Orc spent the entire time arguing with eachother, mostly she was just a chattel, being tossed unceremoniously and totally chauvenistically into various vehicles. Yet when the plotwriters painted themselves into corners, she became Superwoman! Why was she letting those two push her around so much?

Even at the end, The Human was telling the Orc he hated him and wsn't his friend. When the Orc was accepted by his own kind, the human was glad he hadn't killed him because now he could use the Orc as a Quisling to find out what other Orcs were up to.

Altogether, a thoroughly nasty, racist, overly violent waste of time. BUT.... if it had had a ton less violence and a ton more magic in, like the series Once Upon A Time, so it felt more mystical , and if the creatures of magic had been given more personality and more of a part t o play in the film (rather than just being there to be racist about) it would have been a much better movie.

Enjoy the world it creates, but think of how much more they could have done with the idea if they'd had the courge to use more magic and less hatred and guns. As it stands, this movie's a hymn to the virtues of racism. It COULD have been a really good fantasy. What a waste.

Chris Burke.

O.K. Everyone. For starters - this film is nothing to do with Ralph Bakshi (or 'Bashki' as the guy above put!) It's made by Pichu Animation, I think it's about their only film, can't find out anything else about them. And yes - spoiler alert - it's got bouncing genitals, O.T.T. imagery and a queen with more boobs than a squadron of can-can girls - but the point is, weirdly, when you watch it all in context it's not rude, it's not even that sexual (because none of it's used in sexual ways.) It's just very, very funny. And very, very inventive, in a way I've never seen before or since.

MAYBE another spoiler alert - All the genitals have their own little personalities - you're laughing with them more than at them. The queen's intentionally ridiculous, not at all 'sexy' - which I'm pretty sure is intentional - just O.T.T. and hilarious because of the ridiculousness. You feel for Shane - he's a well-meaning dork but everything's out of his control all the way through. And Jayne's full-on blowup-doll fun! If you're expecting a French Hentai, wrong movie. BUT - if you're after an extremely CLEVER flick that takes all the elements that SHOULD be a hentai and makes a great slapstick and oddly non-sexual comedy out of them that will have you howling with laughter, you've found your Promised Land. It's not a cartoon porno, it's not meant to be. It's just a full-on, great fun, raunchy comedy with a belly-laugh every couple of scenes and images that are so crazy you won't forget them for a long time. I loved it when I schneaked into the cinema when it first came out (I was WAAY underage!) and it's lost none of its humour for me still. Vive le Jungleburger!! Chris.

I don't do many reviews, but I had to put the other two guys here to rights. First of all, it's a totally feminist film All the main parts - good and bad - are women with really well-developed characters. You see, feel and sympathise with all the suffering that men have put them through, turning them into cyborgs, even into artificial zombies, forcing them to fight and kill against their will. The men in the movie are stereotyped cyphers, the characters you feel and root for are all women. It may be called sci-fi, but I saw many ways men treat women this badly in real life and cheered as the men got all they deserved - MAYBE SLIGHT SPOILER COMING UP...!! - all the bloodiest kills were on men and I thought every one deserved all he got!

There's also a LOT of feminine sensuality throughout the movie but it's VERY tastefully handled, hardly any flesh, all implied and the better for that. The storyline's superb in a Manga way - each mission leaves the character learning more about herself until she has the power to regain control of her own life from the exploitation of Men - how historically accurate is THAT! If you're up for a full-on, feminist action flick where you'll cheer as every man gets what he deserves, this is the best movie you'll see in ages. I really think women will identify with the heroine, long, as I did, to kill the men who warped and twisted the women she meets along the way - and cheer as those men meet their bloody but beautifully done demises. Even - MAYBE ANOTHER SLIGHT SPOILER....!! - the 'baddie' woman is only the way she is because of what men did to her, I found myself sympathising with her, too.

It's got depth, it's got great character development (in the women, the men are intentional stereotypes) it's got a TON of Manga action, it's been made with huge heart and feeling for its source material, it hides its lack of budget with great stylishness and verve. If you love Manga, you'll feel you're an actual part of its world. If you're a woman, please watch it, you'll feel rejuvenated, like you've got revenge on every idiot male who's ever crossed your path. And Men - if you come across a lady who's seen this flick - beware!! Films like this deserve more faith from their backers and a far wider cinema audience. Eight out of ten stars, easy.

Chris.

It starts off LOOKING like it's gonna be a genre flick - accident happens, hero knows how to cancel out accident, there's 90 minutes of headless-chickenry from the other characters getting in hero's way, hero finally gets past them all and saves the day.... But then it changes into a VERY neat alternate-reality movie which - MAYBE SPOILER ALERT,DIDN'T KNOW IF IT WOULD BE OR NOT - and this is the bit that impressed me - USES its low budget to great effect by having the whole 'city' filled with broken buildings, country living in fear of the weather. The atmosphere's great.

SFX - now I think they could have done better with those, budget or no, I've seen no-budget movies (Humanity's End, Project London) with awesome SFX. But they're TV-passable. Also, there's a cellphone they could have used far better (NOT a spoiler, I hope!) But overall the story's great. The acting's NOT as bad as people are saying. The story's a lovely sci-fi story (roll with the science, it's not TOO bad) and sod the above guys, it kept me gripped the whole time. In fact I've watched it 3 times now and enjoyed it. If they redid the SFX using the Project London/Asylum/Humanity's End guys, they could have a minor cinematic hit on their hands (and used the cellphone better!) But overall a very respectable piece of sci-fi. You lot've been spoiled by Hollywood blockbusters. Asylum? Which I know this movie ISN'T - give them a chance. I've seen a bunch of pretty darned good Asylum movies in various genres (OK, a few clunkers, but all studios have those.)2 REALLY GOOD Asylum movies? 7th Voyage of Sinbad (cinema hit should've-been) and The Haunting (lovingly crafted atmosphere.) Those guys've got tons better since they started, don't knock 'em! (I own 30 legit. DVDs) ulrichburke

First of all, I'd say ignore most of the other reviews and take this movie on its own merits. Here's the MAYBE minor spoiler, I go along with the others and say they should've stuck to CGI for when you see the monster. But to me, that's a minor thing. Because despite a slightly draggy first 10 mins (considering the whole thing's only 70 mins!) when this thing gets going, it's one of the scariest films I've seen in ages.

Why? The characters are excellently acted. They're not melodramatic movie characters, they're real, visceral, people you could imagine living next door to. So when the monster gets one of them, you really feel like a neighbour's just been murdered. The coloured effect used when the monster's seeing things (I don't think that's a spoiler) is lovely. There's great lighting effects used on the snowflakes. And that director knows how to build a terrifying atmosphere.

Are the effects the best? No, the film had no dough which wasn't its fault. But effects don't make a movie, atmosphere, caring for the characters and, in this type of film, FEELING for them when they die is what matters. Not just 'Oops - add that one to the body-count!' But caring like they were your friends getting murdered. I felt I'd lost people I'd loved to have been friends with by the time that movie was over and I applauded the mother's courage at the end.

That director took something that had not much money, no sets, just a terrific bunch of actors, and pulled it all together into a minor terror masterpiece, in my reckoning. I haven't felt so much sorrow for people dying in a monster movie for a very long time, if ever, and I've watched a ton of the things.

This is a very good film. If you're willing to go along with it for its ride, it will deliver. If you let yourself become the characters' friend you will grieve, like I did, when they die. I've given it almost full marks, less a star for the creature itself, but as a film I have only respect for it.

I joined up to say this, after reading the other reviews. It didn't deserve them.

Chris.

Yep, 8, but you have to take it the right way.

For starters - it IS excellently crafted. Beautiful shots of sunsets mixed in with the violence mixed in with the drugs give the whole thing a sense of surreal nightmare. That alone takes it out of the realms of trash into those of 'cult classic'. Secondly, it's not a porn film even though there's a lot of nudity in it. It wasn't meant to be a porn flick. POSSIBLE MILD SPOILER ALERT - What the men do to the girls is meant to make you feel a little dirty, a little ashamed, it's done to put you on the girls' side, so when the nun gets vengeance, you're cheering her on. I sure was! - END OF POSSIBLE MILD SPOILER The music starts off as one-guitar dodginess but gets better and better until it's almost Ennio Morricone standard. True, the Catholic Church isn't portrayed well but we know what the priests do to choirboys, we've yet to learn what they do to nuns so maybe, just maybe...

And surrounding the whole movie is the ghosts of Clint Eastwood movies like a Fistful of Dollars. Somehow, it's got the same atmosphere. Except you've got a nun in the Clint Eastwood part. She's seeking revenge, just as Clint always did. And I found myself cheering her on all the way.

Thing about the other reviewers here is they went into this movie with preconceptions and you can't do that with this one. Tons of nudity but is it a porno? Is any of it titillating? No - it isn't meant to be. POSSIBLE SPOILER COMING UP - Brutal sex scenes, for sure, but are they meant to turn you on? No, they're meant to make you feel sorry for the woman and hate the man who's doing it to her, so you're glad when the nun finds him. Priests selling drugs? That's clever - the cops would have to go through a lot of channels before they could strip-search a priest or gatecrash a Church! - END OF POSSIBLE SPOILER.

Overall impression? IF you go into this movie with no preconceptions, with an open mind, you'll find a beautifully made film that everyone concerned absolutely put their hearts and souls into. Are they great actors? No - but they're all genuinely trying their hearts out and the director got the best possible performances out of all of them. Is the story good? It's a VERY twisted Spaghetti Western for the 21st Century. You'll not have seen anything else quite like it - which, for nowadays, is saying something. Did I enjoy it? I've watched it twice and I got more out of the second viewing than the first. It's honestly got subtle depths, if you open your mind enough to find them.

If you're expecting a ton of titillating nudity and sex scenes to turn you on, go watch a different movie. If you want to see a film that makes you feel angry and sad at how men humiliate women, and glad when some of the men get what's coming to them, and has a beautiful, dark heart within it, give Nude Nuns with Big Guns an open-minded try. Jessica's right. It's a cult classic waiting to happen.

Now if only I could find where to buy the soundtrack...

(Just found it - it's a legit. free download on Dan Gross, the composer's, website. If you're into GOOD Spaghetti Western style film music, add this to your collection.)

ulrichburke