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Mission Pluto (2015 TV Movie)
3/10
Mission Pluto was more like mission Uranus, it really stunk
28 March 2024
A couple times during this documentary I was about to go to the comments section to read about people ripping on it, and then I remembered this isn't a YouTube video I'm watching! But like a YouTube video, the host was trying his best to string you long, drip feeding information with just enough flash to keep you watching. Why? Judging from the cuts and recaps throughout the program, that meant more commercial breaks! I get that. What I don't get is Pluto isn't going anywhere. Even if the spacecraft goes dead and never responds again, or slams into the planet itself and makes the news one night, there's still a story to be told. Wait until you have all the information before making a documentary about its mission. Wait for those all-so-important photographs to come in, blurry or otherwise. What should have told the entire New horizons tale seems more like a teaser for a documentary that doesn't exist.
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Portal (2019)
6/10
So entertained, yet so angry...
26 January 2024
Warning: Spoilers
This movie is about some television ghost hunters who are shooting their first season's finale in the hopes of being renewed. Everything rides on this last episode: Will it be exciting enough for the audience? So of course, they manage to finally find a (truly) haunted house and then... blow it. Nearly every time something really cool is happening, the dummies aren't recording it and it doesn't dawn on them that all this freaky stuff would have made great footage! Their honest reactions as things begin to go wrong would have made great footage. But no, they react like the Scooby-Doo team and basically run around all scared and not being ghost hunters at all! Idiots. The movie however, was entertaining, but I just couldn't get past the fact where they didn't capture all the cool stuff on camera!
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Portal Man (2017)
2/10
Was this a serious effort at moviemaking, or a joke?
28 December 2023
An interesting idea, but almost everything else drags it down. Was I supposed to laugh when I noticed the fighter jet was made of Lego? Surely they knew their movie was so bad, they felt no shame trying to make it cheesy as possible? I watched with some interest at the beginning, but shortly after was about to back out, when the leading actress made her appearance. She was actually kind of funny. Her acting style fit the movie, it's like she knew this movie was a stinker and just had fun with it. If you want to see obvious green screen special effects and a bunch of stuff that probably doesn't make any sense, why not give this a try? Maybe you'll like it. I didn't. Sorry.
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Escape Pod (2023)
4/10
Painfully low budget - with some low budget charm
18 October 2023
You've seen the cover image. "Escape Pod" Yes! People are in an escape pod, escaping! Here's a sample of how low budget this movie is. They make reference to some chip that got fried, and lo and behold, that "chip" is a laptop RAM module! I would wager my cat on that. Gives you an idea of what sort of budget we're dealing with here. Did you know escape pods in the future have metal tool boxes with hammers in them? You know, because you want to make your escape pod really light and stuff. Oh and it has a bathroom, but you got to drink your water out of these bottles. Be sure to put your name on it, so you don't end up drinking out of the one that the sick guy is using! I watched this over several meals in little snippets, and had to look away when sick guy was being sick. In little pieces, this movie is watchable. In one shot, it would be a test of patience. But sometimes it's the low budget movies that make the biggest effort, and this one I feel really tried to entertain. In the end, I was satisfied. I did not expect that.
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By Dawn (2019)
4/10
What you see isn't what you get
18 October 2023
Once again, I've been duped by a misleading cover image. It looks like aliens and invasion and explosions and helicopters and guns and some dude in a white shirt trying to save the world or something cool. At least they got the dude in the white shirt part right. The movie was mostly watching him and his annoying family being ignorant about what's happening outside their front door. You could learn a bit about what was going on from the TV broadcasts, until Mr t-shirt shuts the TV off. A lot of this movie did not make sense, and it tried to make more sense in the end, but by then, I just wanted it to be over. The movie itself isn't that bad, but I wouldn't call this science fiction.
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Spycies (2019)
8/10
Captivating Anthro Animal Adventure!
6 September 2023
I don't have a lot of faith in animated movies from overseas, but this one definitely surprised me. If this had been produced in North America, it likely would have been a big theatrical release. A lot of work went into this world - the places, the scenery, the characters. Effort also went into telling an original entertaining story. As I watched it I wasn't letting the movie flash by the screen just to wait for the conclusion, but was genuinely interested in what was going on. That's not to say this is the best movie ever, no. But a solid eight, for what it is, I feel is very deserved. If you enjoy movies that feature anthropomorphic animals instead of human characters, you can't go wrong here. And don't hit stop once the credits begin either, there's a couple more scenes you'll find rather humorous!
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Two Tails (2018)
3/10
I wouldn't survive a 2nd viewing
4 September 2023
The cover art had me thinking this was a movie about a beaver and cat detective or something. Instead, it is a childish, irritating story about colorful aliens, filled with royalty-free classical music and one recurring vintage pop song that does not belong here. It's completely out of place and not suitable for little ones. The beaver and the cat are major characters in the story, but only the beaver was enjoyable to watch. I probably would have preferred watching this beaver go about his day, instead of the movie he was in. The story is pretty dumb, most of the characters are annoying, somehow a young boy invites himself into the movie and no one sends him away. Don't deliberately put your kids through this. It's free on Tubi, so at least you're not out any money a few minutes later when they want to watch something else. I found it interesting though, the small homage they paid to the movie Independence Day. You'll know it when you see it.
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5/10
Dragon made it fun to watch, Your kids won't like it though
4 September 2023
Grown man here, no kids. The cover art looked promising so I gave this a shot on Tubi. Is this Russia's idea of a Disney movie? Ouch. The princess character was annoying, and the story took a while to hook me, but once the princess meets the dragon my enjoyment of this movie increased - or should I say, began. This particular character is endearing. The kid in me was riveted to the screen when this young dragon or his uncle were on it. The plot really doesn't make sense. The bad guy was an annoying loser. The story would have resolved itself in time without anyone's action. The worst part? The awful songs! Three different men in the Kingdom have their own song and they are all embarrassingly horrendous to endure. I'm glad I watched this alone. But I'm still glad I watched it.
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The Directive (2019)
6/10
Flawed, slow, low budget, but quite interesting!
4 September 2023
No doubt you've breezed through other reviews here and noticed a slew of 1's. My 6 is not to counteract this low score, but is my true assessment of this movie based on its ability to entertain. Sure, the lead actor is a bit unconvincing but who's to say what would be proper? He's doing his thing in his nerdy awkward style and I will give him that. Little things happen along the way of course (it is a movie) and enough remained to keep me curious and watching, despite the slow progression. When it was done I did not feel my time was wasted. Sometimes the little ideas make for the better movies, regardless of budget. And in this case the broken robot was believable enough, even though it looked like it was made with a meccano set and spray paint. The low budget was almost immediately obvious, so I overlooked the things that would have normally drawn me out of the narrative in a higher budget movie. For instance, there would be lots of weeds growing beside train tracks in a post-apocalyptic future. Not here! One little instance I managed to catch upon pausing the video though, a computer's boot up screen flashed a copyright date of 2035 and that made me happy. Well done, guys!
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Jupiter 2032 (2022)
2/10
The Most Bored I Ever Forced Myself To Be
26 July 2023
I tried watching this movie about a year ago, and got maybe 15 minutes into it before I began fast forwarding big chunks to see if it actually went anywhere. On a whim, I decided to check its reviews today, and here I am. With only one other review on record, I decided to give this movie another chance and committed myself to viewing it entirely before writing this.

That being said, I commend myself for my patience. Is this art? Is this actually good? I cannot say. If it is good, I am not smart enough to realize it. The only thing that I did find believable and interesting were the fake interviews themselves. Each person's performance was realistic in a documentary fashion. No one seemed like they were reciting lines or nervous or insincere or anything. The only problem was, everything they were talking about was complete hogwash. And the Jupiter thing only carried the movie so far, at which point they began rambling on a tangent that I could not care any less about.

You know those little plastic tabs that connect brand new socks when you buy them? Well I had a dozen packages of socks that I was dreading cutting all these little things off of. This movie was the perfect opportunity to multitask and get this necessary but unwanted task over with. The only problem was I had to also keep raising my head to the screen to read the subtitles. The fact that the entire movie wasn't spoken in English added to its false realism.

The visuals, apart from the interviews, cannot be faulted due to this movie's very likely low budget. But even from the beginning, the lack of smoothness in the frames of animation was warning of what was to come.

The documentary itself, assuming it is "true" in this universe, would very likely never have been told like it was. Another sad side effect of the smaller budget and limited resources. There would be more flash and drama and fake footage of the things that were only spoken about by the characters interviewed within. I must admit the premise had me curious at first, but like I said before it only took minutes to realize I was duped before jumping ship last time.

So kudos for the attempt, but sadly, the most entertaining part of the movie was watching it and realizing how not entertained I was. And eventually, it's all over. Phew!
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Up and Away (2018)
7/10
Mostly Harmless Fun
19 June 2023
Warning: Spoilers
From the cover image, I assumed this was an Indian or Middle Eastern production, not a Danish program. I gave this movie a chance, and it was interesting all the way through. The main character boy was likable and his rather intelligent goat was fun as well. The plot itself is rather simple. Boy wants to see the world (not follow in his father's footsteps) and adventure follows.

Now for the spoiler things. I found some parts of this movie upsetting. First off, the boy's father has a loose eye. It flops around in his head and gets stuck pointing in the wrong direction, so he needs to smack himself to loosen it once again. Is it a false eye? This did not need to be here.

Once in the big city, the boy is reminded of the penalty of having one's hands cut off for a minor offense. Perhaps this is true to history, but definitely not something that should have been in an animated feature.

And lastly, the sultan himself, the big bad guy, is repulsively fat and eats constantly, belches loudly, and even farts around his wives. He is made to be more comical, but he is definitely gross. He does seem to get his just desserts in the end, but watching the credits shows that even he too gets a happy ending.

If these things don't upset you, you'll find this to be an enjoyable one-time watch. It's free on Tubi.
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Rotor DR1 (2015)
5/10
Drones, drones, everywhere!
19 March 2023
Warning: Spoilers
Okay this takes place in the future I suppose, where some virus has wiped out a lot of the human population. I figured this movie was made in 2020 because of the covid thing inspiring so many movies with viruses, but this was from 2015! Anyway, everyone who was meant to die is already dead so everyone who is still around should be fine, right? No, instead they're just a bunch of weasels stealing from each other and knocking drones out of the sky (where are they all coming from?) to pull out their little batteries as currency. And then you got that one idiot who's wasting electricity powering an arcade is full of games he doesn't play!

The fact that the world kind of gone to crap is really nothing to do with the virus. The survivors could simply get it together and rebuild and carry on with a lessoned world population. Unless I missed a reason why electricity and stuff doesn't work? I suppose it's because there's no one around to maintain it.

In the movie, main character guy stumbles upon a drone and was about to step on it to take its batteries and stuff but instead realizes this one's kind of different and takes it home. He carefully extracts his battery and checks it out in his little testing thing at home, and the electrical potential value is off the chart! That element peaked my interest and I had to know why this particular drone was so special. Also, did it fly through AI or was someone controlling it?

The movie is kind of slow paced but was interesting enough. I think stuff like the drone races was kind of silly. I don't think that they would be wastefully gambling and competing with what could be a useful resource. Kind of looked like a bunch of RC drone nerds at a convention, not to a bunch of scavengers living day to day. Not to mention 4C, who obviously has no problem finding food. Not a critique on his personal self, just pointing out the fact that these characters do not seem to be suffering too much in the aftermath of the virus.
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Ellipse (2019)
5/10
Watched the whole thing, kinda boring, and here's my spoiler-filled thoughts about it:
6 March 2023
Warning: Spoilers
First off, the review: This movie is obviously low budget but well done in that it didn't try to overreach or over promise. Had a simple enough yet effective spacecraft (complete with those LED light strips you can get for your computer case) which crash lands on a planet coincidentally very much like Earth, so everything works out. Dude doesn't seemed concerned about starting a fire, in that what if the oxygen levels are so high it could have created a cascading firestorm, but we're not supposed to think about that. And the dog is there of course, so the man has a reason to speak aloud - unlike a cartoon, where the main character says their thoughts out loud when they are completely alone.

The movie was kind of boring but not so much so that I fast forwarded it or was too concerned about how much time was left in it. That does say something. I was interested to see where it went. So yeah, kudos to the guy that wrote, directed and starred in it or whatever, you helped me pass some time. And I got to see the movie for free on Tubi. It was a recommended suggestion and without knowing anything about it it made me curious enough to check it out. Thanks. The foreshadowing was obvious, repeatedly showing the guy's untied bootlace, which he later trips on. But got to admit you got me on the frayed rope! The character even comments about how smoothly it went.

And now for the questions: That's nice that space mangoes can be all connected to make a battery, but there is no way that battery later powers a spacecraft. And whose idea is it to not include a simple solar cell or something in the emergency kit of such a spacecraft? And why is this alcoholic buffoon even allowed in space, and what idiot allowed him to go with tons of beer and vodka on board? Then he ignores his supervisor to shave a few hours off of his flight, and that totally cost him a bunch of time namely this entire movie! What a dummy. Then when he finds out his girl is dead you'd think he'd abort the mission and go back to Earth - he's kind of not fit to fly anymore. And unless space travel is super common in the future (assuming this is the future) you don't get to take your dog along just because he wanted to go! And time was going really fast near where the spacecraft was, but yet the dude's beard didn't grow really fast or the dog didn't get any grayer being in that area. The only thing that really seemed to happen was that watch would spin around real quick. And space mangoes turned mushy really quick too. But you think the battery on the spacecraft would wear out and other parts would decay considering the relative centuries they spent in accelerated time.

But this is a silly little movie so I'll try to stop thinking about it like it was "interstellar" or something. And hopefully, you watched the movie yourself before reading what I had to say about it. Right?
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Limbo (I) (2019)
9/10
Enjoyably different!
15 February 2023
With only a sentence to go on on Tubi TV, the premise of this movie had my attention. But this is Tubi, so I didn't expect much. Perhaps that's why I enjoyed it so much! It's an interesting tale from start to finish. I didn't know what to expect, I didn't know what the rules were, it was all just fun for me. And although this obviously is religious in nature, it's not one of those shows that beat you over the head with it. I believe the intention is merely to entertain, and I do applaud everyone who worked on this for succeeding in that regard. There is some language and gore but given the subject matter I guess that would be expected. Sorry I don't want to say more because I don't want to spoil anything. Go check it out! It's neat.
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ISRA 88 (2016)
3/10
Beyond the Edge of Boredom
4 February 2023
Okay, I ended up sitting through this entire movie without coming to this website to read reviews - because that's usually when I stop watching a movie that's really bad. Now that I'm done, yeah, this movie was really bad. It kept me curious enough to see what it was all about, but kind of like a clickbait YouTube video I feel tricked. It was not entertaining, it was confusing, it was poorly done not just from a budget level but a scientific level. You do not have a spaceship traveling to the edge of the universe and waste cargo space putting a pinball machine in there! At some point it's revealed they are traveling at about 400 million meters per second, which sounds fast, but it's only 1.5 times the speed of light. Without doing the math, it's going to take them millions of years to reach the end of the universe. Dumb, dumb, dumb. Stuff like this takes me out of the movie altogether because it's not budget but the little details that make a difference. Proof is the movie Magellan, which had a terrible set, but was very well thought out and at the end I felt quite satisfied. Not this one though. Sorry guys.
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95ers: Echoes (2013)
7/10
Cheesy, Low Budget, but Very Interesting!
22 November 2022
Like my title says, this movie was a cheesy, low budget, but very interesting little adventure! It reminded me of the Nicholas Cage movie "Next", and and that is definitely not a bad thing. What they did with the main character's potential was thoroughly enjoyable, and that in itself would have been enough to drive the whole movie I think. But as it was, the time related graphics were interesting, the future scenes were obviously CGI but did raise questions like how the future got like that, what clues might lie in the past, so much good stuff. I enjoyed the movie. It kept my interest up most of the time, and when it was over I did not feel disappointed - although I still had questions. If you enjoy cerebral time travel stuff you'll quite likely enjoy this despite all the cheesy acting and that Christmas play they're working on. What was up with that?
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Lightyear (2022)
9/10
Good Sci-fi movie, enjoyable throughout!
21 August 2022
I never saw any of the Toy Story movies, and I don't care to. They just looked too silly. Saw one preview of this movie however, and knew it was something I wanted to see. I was not disappointed. There is a lot of story in this, and a lot of interesting sciency tech details and visuals. Overall, it was just a fun movie. The little robot cat was awesome! The story didn't seem to drag on, and there was seldom a dull moment. Some elements might be beyond a younger child's understanding, which is probably why this adult thoroughly enjoyed himself. It was a serious science fiction movie with a younger audience in mind. And of course because it is meant for children, there's some good lessons to be pulled from it. But the movie doesn't beat you over the head with them. Lighthearted, yet serious, fun. Go watch it!
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9/10
Pink and Freaky!
21 July 2022
Adventures of a "werewolf poodle" and his buddies, werewolves or otherwise. Based on / continuation of the movie "100% Wolf". Good low-peril fun that tries to look scary too. Each CGI werewolf has a unique look that relates to their human form, which is nice. Less than halfway through the series at this point (free on the Roku channel) but I am certainly going to watch the rest with interest.
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6/10
It only takes a good idea to make an interesting movie
15 February 2022
Interesting premise. Chick wakes up tied to a chair. She doesn't know why. You learn things just as she does in her attempt to escape. Time resets. She makes it a little farther each time. The second half of the movie had a different feel to it, but I was so invested at that point I just had to see how it played out. Was it worth it? Think so.

If you pay close attention, you'll hear the alternate tagline for this movie at the 73 minute mark :)
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Star Paws (2016)
1/10
So ridiculously stupid, cannot even be considered a "movie".
24 May 2021
First off, some of these early, glowing reviews here are obviously planted reviews. Other movies on their 10/10 review list share either the same writer or director - and I'm certain those other movies are trash too.

Anyway, if you want to see terrible, repetitive CGI, stupid dialog reminiscent of the stories kids make up on-the-fly as they play with their toys, and a few shots of real dogs sitting, panting, and sometimes walking, then this is the movie for you. It's so completely pointless its only purpose was to make a quick buck. It's padded with pointless dialog and "educational" tidbits to lengthen this junk to feature length. I'm looking at the same shot of the same pair of panting white dogs right now - for the fifth time already. The limited footage repeats as often as a child's attention span would allow. The animals "speak" but it's only a voiceover. They didn't even attempt to make the dogs do it. They just sit there.

So pointlessly stupid. Worth a watch if you wanna see how stupid stupid can get.
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A Dog's Courage (I) (2018)
9/10
Expected a dumb kids' movie - pleasantly surprised it wasn't.
22 September 2020
I'm a grown man but a sucker for animated talking animal stories. The target audience for these types of movies is children of course, but I decided to watch anyway, hoping it could at least keep my attention. Several times during the movie I said to myself "oh that's not for kids" which, while not going too far, were really just things the North American audience isn't used to seeing in an animated film. The story felt more "real" than the movies we usually see. And for that, I was thankful. It did hold my attention. It did not insult me as an adult viewer. It was cute, and funny, and serious, and the animation was excellent. What it did do was entertain me, like a movie should. Very happy I chose to watch this one!
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