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Reviews
Blockbuster: Pilot (2022)
Lazy writing and bad acting
This looked liked a decent concept and Melissa Fumero sold me on it. I loved her in Brooklyn Nine-Nine.
The writing on this first episode is awful. It's clunky, cliched, and forced.
I get that having to act to a bad script is hard, but Melissa does not look good doing it. She comes off as a really bad actor. Which is sad because I've seen her be good.
Randall Park wasn't fantastic, but he came off as competent.
How much did they have to throw at these actors to get them to agree to degrade themselves on such a lazy pilot script?
Ham-fisted is this writer's approach to this story. Backstory and exposition? Just shove that in anywhere. And let's not sprinkle it in in a natural way through, let's really try to pack as much info dump in as we can in the dumbest places among people that wouldn't talk to each other like that.
I would have been happier to see them do some kind of text on screen Chuck Lorre vanity card-style rather than cringe my way through their best efforts to dramatize it.
Fire Country (2022)
Painful to watch
The writing is atrocious. Nobody talks how people talk or how people in good shows talk. It's all surface, no subtext. The ham-fisted foreshadowing reeks of a middle school essay. Everyone sounds like the same character. The conflicts are forced and unnatural. Cliches abound. Not a single likable character.
It's a really bad soap opera.
The music selection is about as bad as the writing.
The acting is not the worse I've seen. About on par for this type of show. So, pretty bad. It's just so hard to judge when the story and dialogue are this bad.
This should have been a 15 minute episode. If they didn't repeat the same beats over and over again or constantly explain the obvious, this wouldn't have wasted an hour of my time.
True Detective (2014)
Slapdash cliche factory with a soundtrack for sale
The CGI in the beginning is laughable. I mean like laugh out loud at how silly and fake it was and feeling bad that someone submitted that as work they were proud of and even sadder that someone accepted that work!
The use of 2 very popular oldies songs in the first 5 minutes is always a terrible sign. Why? Because they are trying to capitalize on someone else's IP usually because they know their own work can't stand up on its own. In this case, they are right. Theirs can't.
They went one step further and showed full on clips from a popular movie. They are hoping this will subconsciously transfer good feelings about that movie or song into this terrible show.
The writing and acting at the very beginning is so cringey, I knew I was in for quite a slog.
There were so many singing background songs, I thought it was a show on the CW. Now the disclaimer at the beginning about a soundtrack makes sense.
Anytime someone tries to shoehorn a thousand songs into a show to sell music on the side, you know they don't care about their own show. They are willing to ruin it for a soundtrack? Not likely. They hated it already and wanted to extract an extra payday.
Then a car careening through an intersection to interrupt a conversation in another car where they aren't paying attention to the road. It's cliche and it's so sad to see it perpetuated.
Then there has to be the porn shot of the girl jerking off the cop. These losers can't tell a story, so they get salacious, thinking that somehow increases engagement. It doesn't.
Poor Things (2023)
It's just pornography and little more
All three leads brought fantastic performances.
The camera work and lens choices were fresh if somewhat muddled.
The premise was clever and unconventional.
The setting and universe were fantastical shades of reality.
All of these things promise a good viewing experience.
However, the majority of the film was pure pornography. I'm no expert in the ratings system, but I would have bet a large sum that this film as presented would have received an X rating. Yet, it didn't even get an NC-17. Do either of those even still exist? Maybe not. And maybe that's why it only has the R.
It was far from the artistic masterpiece many are claiming. It's just an assumption that "weird premise" + "fantasy world" + "porn" = "high art". But that math doesn't work on this film.
Fargo: Insolubilia (2023)
Jennifer Jason Leigh's Razzie-Worthy Performance
She plays this character like she's doing a middle school play about Cruella DeVille. It's a caricature. It's not in any way able to be taken seriously.
Everyone else in the show is playing a real part. So, why does she get to phone it in and fake it?
It's so terrible and so out of the feel of the rest of the show, that it just drags the show down.
I hope they kill her character off soon. Surely the director and producer share a great deal of the blame. Why would they allow this amateur performance to reach the screen? She should have been fired at the table read.
I'm sticking with it because I really enjoyed the other seasons. So far, this season has been slow and not great overall. That's an even more important reason not to bring it down further with this cardboard cutout of a performance.
Welcome to Wrexham: The Grind (2023)
I don't care about these side characters!
These side quests into people's personal lives is tedium!
They've done a lot of these and they're nice to flesh out the team and the town and I have nothing against them in general.
But this episode was super heavy on them and it was NOT interesting at all. It was a complete waste of my time. It's way too far outside of the heart of the show.
All I can think is "who freaking cares?!?"
It doesn't bode well for this as a continuing series when they have to pad this much in an already short episode.
I imagine there won't be a season 3. And if season 3 episodes were going to be anything like this one, I'll be glad to not see it renewed.
The Mill (2023)
Completely devoid of talent
The dialogue written for this movie is atrocious. This feels very much like the writer finished his first draft and decided it was good enough. The language is repetitive. There are curse words thrown in nonsensically, which is the hallmark of a terrible writer. It's not done in a Tarantino way that blends naturally with the work. Instead, it's as if the cursing is supposed to do some heavy duty dramatic work, which it doesn't.
People talk like no one talks. They act like no one acts. Everything is just a setup for the plot to move, realistic human responses be damned.
The acting is some of the worst garbage I've seen in a long time. Let's start with the next door neighbor. I get that he's not on camera, but it was a really dumb idea on I assume the director's part to have him record it alone in a sound booth. It sounds like someone in a sound booth running lines. And is this guy an audiobook reader in real life? Because he super enunciates everything, removing him even further from the scene he's supposed to be in.
Then the main character. This actor didn't convey a moment of honesty in the entire picture as far as I could tell. Much like the script told him to, he acted like I can't imagine anyone acting in that situation. Motivation seems so divorced from the human experience, I couldn't wrap my head around what he was trying to portray.
The cinematography was right up there with the poor acting, writing, and directing.
Dark and moody is cool. Dark and I can't see s damn thing isn't. Pink colored lights completely unmotivated made me take notice of the color and took me out of the scene.
The inability to let us get s good look at the main character was an odd choice. Shooting a face in almost complete darkness while having eyeglasses practically glow was unhinged.
Yeah, we're supposed to not know what's going on and be disoriented, but being unable to connect with the main character whose journey we are on is just another element that lead to total disengagement from this film.
This is a must miss.
Justified: City Primeval (2023)
Oof! What a disappointment.
I just rewatched the original series in anticipation for the new one.
The original was fantastic. Great writing, superb acting, all around good times.
This thing seems slapped together. The writing is amateurish. Too much exposition. Things happen for no reason. No one's actions or dialogue ring the least bit true. Everyone is just a piece being moved around to take up screen time. The music is trying way too hard. The predominate feel is that it's very cheap. The supporting cast of actors (with exceptions) were unremarkable. The cinematography was uninspired and annoying.
Overall, it felt like this is just another unnecessary cop show that they pulled out of a stack of unremarkable shows and slapped the Justified name on as an afterthought and a way to get it made.
It's so bad.
The Bear (2022)
So bad Hulu is using it as a tax write off
Imagine a show so bad that Hulu would use it as a way to funnel money in a giant tax write off scheme.
What else could explain the never ending string of commercials for this show? These commercials portray this show in such a negative light that no one would ever see it on purpose!
I can't imagine any reason to make a commercial that says and does nothing and gives the viewer no reason to tune in at all - unless, of course, it's some elaborate way to spend money on something that can be classified as "advertising" while not actually wanting the ads to work. Why? I imagine they overpaid on the writing, acting, and directing based on the end product they got. So, I guess they need more write offs. Tax laws are weird, so I can't even guess how this works. I could be wrong, of course. But if that's the case, what is the reason to create an ad that causes people to want to avoid your product?
M3GAN (2022)
Lazy but entertaining
The laziest writing ruined a pretty good idea. Every plot point was seen a mile away.
There were exactly zero characters worth rooting for. Even the kid. They were all terrible people or machines.
The film was firmly anti-feminist. The main character is a woman who gave up being a mother and having a family in favor of her career. Only she ended up being completely incompetent. She didn't even understand the basic underpinnings of her own creation and had no control over it. If ever there was a character to feel she got what she deserved through her ignorance and hubris, the writers served her up on a platter.
Every actor was just okay. No one was good. I'd say no one was bad, but that would be ignoring Ronnie Chiang. I liked him on The Daily Show, but he clearly has zero acting ability. Zero.
The CGI left a lot to be desired as well. It was also pretty good. But not good good.
The Old Man: II (2022)
Speeches!
The writing is lazy. Everyone talks in long speeches and will tell their entire backstory to any random person they just met.
I didn't care much for the cinematography either. Many of the shots were weirdly composed and blocked. Clearly it was done on purpose for some artistic reason. While I applaud the effort to try something new, the actors' placement and actions seemed so unnatural as to lead me to question why they were standing a certain way rather than paying attention to what was happening in the scene.
The Old Man: I (2022)
Poorly written
I'm sticking around for Lithgow and Bridges.
But this pilot script is painfully overwritten. It tries too hard while somehow not trying hard enough.
It's a wonder such an awful script was able to attract such talent. They must be desperate for work.
The directing is no great feat either. The voice acting of the daughter is laughable. It didn't sound in any way believable. Completely disconnected from the other actor. No one caught this?!?
Ugh.
The Bear: System (2022)
Manufactured drama
Everything about this was fake.
The drama was unsupported and unearned. Most of the characters are despicable people that are odious to the viewer.
The directing was sub-par. The writing was trying too hard and missing the point.
The story and characters left me with zero desire to see episode two. That's the hallmark of a bad episode one.
Only Murders in the Building: Flipping the Pieces (2022)
Worst episode by far!
I love this show but this episode was just terrible.
The writing was atrocious. Way too many coincidences and things happening solely for plot points. Just outrageous demands on suspending disbelief. Dreck!
Selena Gomez has been passable this whole time. Not a lot of complaints. So, what happened on this episode? Was it poor direction?
She was awful. Every single line was delivered with a grating whine. Everything about her performance screamed bad actor. But why so bad in this one episode? So odd.
I certainly hope this writer and director don't get another episode any time soon. Ugh!
Stranger Things: Chapter Nine: The Piggyback (2022)
Stop letting the Duffers write!
These bros are garbage writers. Just because they created the series doesn't mean Netflix should let them destroy it.
This is some of the worst writing I've seen in a long time. They are just coasting. They clearly have no respect for their audience.
Stranger Things: Chapter Eight: Papa (2022)
Duffers are phoning it in
It's clear that the Duffer Brothers had no desire to keep telling this story, so they are doing the least amount of work possible.
The scripts sound like they were probably written in a few hours - dashed off before lunch on the day they were due.
Of course, it's equally as likely that they farmed out the screenwriting to an 8th grade creative writing class.
30 Rock: Mrs. Donaghy (2011)
It's a Sherri episode
Most of this episode is hilarious. But it's ruined, like all episodes she's in, by Sherri as Tracy's wife.
Maybe she's a great actor playing a terrible character, but every time she's on screen I cringe. I have to skip her episodes on Netflix. She (or the character) is that unlikable.
Stranger Things: Chapter Five: The Nina Project (2022)
Lazy writing
They just write the first thing that comes into their heads. Does this show not believe in second drafts?
And that Kate Bush song is garbage. Stop trying to make it a thing. Lame.
Stranger Things: Chapter Four: Dear Billy (2022)
Lame writing. Lame acting. A slog to get through.
They went full soap opera on this episode. Very poorly written. Terrible monologues. High school level dialogue.
Also, Mike and Will have zero chemistry and are easily played by the worst actors on this show. This being the case, stop putting them alone together in scenes. It's painful to watch!
Severance: Good News About Hell (2022)
Fantastic idea. Well-executed.
This is just a fantastic concept. Concept alone is a big factor here. But then the way it was introduced and how it all unfolded to give you the info to grasp how it all works was expertly done.
Adam Scott gives a tremendous performance.
Ben Stiller's direction is impeccable.
It's so good that I'm afraid it can only get worse.
But it has the potential to be a great show. I hope it is.
The Lost Daughter (2021)
Hot garbage!
An unbelievable waste of time.
It's heavy on the soft core porn.
Tedious, boring, uninteresting, unmotivated porn.
The pacing is tortuous.
The characters are all unsympathetic cretins.
There isn't a single relatable character.
No character acts or reacts like a real person would. Yes, movies are stylized and reality is heightened, but these characters are unnaturally forced to do whatever the plot demands. They don't imitate reality or real situations. They are nothing more than puppets that do what the next plot point demands.
The writing and directing couldn't be much worse. The camera work is often disorienting and nauseating.
It's self-indulgent tripe.
My best guess is that this is nominated for an Oscar solely based on who is involved with it. The quality warrants nothing of the kind.
Two Sentence Horror Stories: Teatime (2022)
2 sentence script more like it.
2 minutes worth of story stretched to fit 1/2 hour format.
There was no suspense or mystery. The ham handed direction made sure you knew exactly where it was going from the opening.
Unoriginal. Uninteresting. Just terrible.
Sirens (2022)
Not a "band movie" as promised
I was intrigued about an all female metal band in the Middle East. This movie has about 5 minutes about that subject. The rest of the band story is just normal intra-band drama that's not unique to Lebanon or women.
The main through line of the movie is about the two guitar players being lesbians. The singer, drummer, and bass player are barely seen on screen. The guitar player's mother has more screen time.
It was about young women fighting against cultural expectations like getting married and having kids, being straight, and not being into metal. The metal band angle is just one more way they are outside of the norm, but it is just the background for the story.
If you're looking for a story about music, bands, and especially the struggles of a female metal band in Lebanon, you will be disappointed.
If you want a story about 20-something Lebanese lesbians trying to find their way in society, and those women just happen to be in a band, then maybe you'll like it.
Though, taking away my disappointment that the "female metal band" angle was just a publicity tool and not the subject of the movie, I still can't recommend it. It's just not compelling. The lives of some random women. Nothing more.
Fargo: The Gift of the Magi (2015)
Lazy writing
This show is fantastic and the writing is incredible. But burning a belt buckle is ludicrous to begin with. And to clean the car and garage meticulously but not bother to clean the fireplace is only written that way to further the plot. It brings you right out of the story.
Old (2021)
The worst of a terrible oeuvre
It's pretty bad when the most unbelievable part of a sci-fi fantasy movie is the character actions and reactions.
This was a really neat premise with a lot of promise.
It was terribly executed. The writing, directing, cinematography, and acting were all sub-par. It was really a slog to get through.
The writer clearly doesn't trust his audience and feels the need to ham-fistedly over-explain everything because he was afraid his audience couldn't keep up. Not that there was much to keep up with. People on the beach had knowledge that they couldn't have had. They act and react like no human being would. It's just moving actor puppets around and making them do what the plot needs them to do, logic be damned.
It's an insulting film to sit through. Lots of preaching with no subtlety. Just an amateur hack job.